__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Cypher leaps into action.
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Power: Omnilingualism__new_line____new_line__Imagine charging into a fight against people with powers such as unkillability, lightning bolts and earthquakes, and you've got ancient Greek. Such is the plight of Cypher, who is like the cruel punch line to the riddle, "Which of Zeus's powers would be the shittiest?" He can translate any language, but this power is "innate," meaning he can't understand or explain how -- so basically he's the Rain Man of the foreign language department, minus the gambling ability. In the comics, he functioned as a reverse Universal Translator. While the other mutants couldn't speak other languages, all the aliens and foreigners have always spoken perfect English until he turned up, and the writers needed to justify his existence.__new_line____new_line__Realizing they'd accidentally added "linguist" instead of "lasers," the writers behind Cypher started torturing the English language in ways even Cypher couldn't have justified to make him useful. He became a hacker because of programming languages, a master martial artist through body language and could even spot a building's structural weaknesses because architecture something something language. If they'd remembered that "language of love" was a phrase, he could have seduced Magneto into surrender, and that still wouldn't have been the gayest thing he'd done in a fight, since, for several issues, his combat strategy was to hide inside another X-Man -- the shape-shifting alien Warlock.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
New Mutants #8
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__A relationship which accidentally invented Yaoi several years too early.
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__He was so useless that "feeling useless" became his character's story arc, which was even more annoying to read than cursive Cyrillic, and his lame powers made him do both while Wolverine was off-panel kicking ass.__new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__It would actually have been less embarrassing if those were 80s shoulder pads.
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Power: Biomechanical twin-maggot digestive system.__new_line____new_line__Maggott was a disaster of late 90s X-tremitude. His stomach was two biomech slugs which could eat anything and give him superstrength, but he was really conflicted about it and had unnecessary letters in his name. He was basically the lovechild of Matter Eater Lad and Spawn.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__His powers turned him blue and caused him constant pain, because very-easy-to-draw graphical differences and complaining are the X-Men writers and illustrators secret strengths. He also has the worst career arc of any X-Man: He was dumped by the X-Men into Generation-X, immediately dropped by Generation-X after one issue into a concentration camp, and when you're dropped from a concentration camp it's because you're dead. Which happened, but wasn't the worst part. Being ditched by Generation-X is quickly more humiliating for mutants than exposition-triggered incontinence: One of their core characters' mutant power was molting, and another blew his own jaw off the first time he fired an energy blast.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__The worst superhero parents since Mr. and Mrs. Aquaman.
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Sorry, Maggott -- as you can see, we're well stocked with hero material.