The 8 Stupidest Defenses Against Accusations of Sexism
I recently wrote an article on hilariously sexist costumes. The article and the resulting comments were like Bruce Banner experimenting with gamma radiation. I was only trying to prove some minor points, but the results made my arguments stronger than I could ever have imagined. These are actual comments from that column's comment section, but you could see them anywhere. Behold, the worst sexism defenses that get used every day on the Internet ...
#8. Call the Other Person Gay
The Comment*:I didn't knew Luke was gay ...
*I won't include their usernames because they'd love that, and because making them write "THAT WAS ME, I WAS THAT IDIOT" in this article's comments will be hilarious.
This is equal parts terrifying and disappointing. It's terrifying because some people genuinely think the only reason you wouldn't want women to walk around naked is because you don't want to jam your dick in them. They cannot conceive of any other reason for female clothing, because they've spent less time with women than the Eagle moon lander. It's amazing that such ridiculous sexism exists in someone who isn't stomping around killing wizards and slaying dragons.
Universal Pictures
... and to hear the lamentation of their women! In fact, I only ever hear lamentation from women. But never for long.
The saddest part is how some people still use "gay" as an insult. I don't normally assume that obsessive comics fans are lonely virgins, but when someone's calling me homosexual through an Internet comment about Power Girl's tit-window, they leave me no choice. The person who left that comment clearly has to plastic bag his own genitals in order to avoid dog-earing from relentless pawing.
#7. Claim the Other Person Is Just Trying to Get Laid
The Comments:... But then I see its[sic] written by a guy and it just loses me. In my experience, most men who go out of their way to express their "dislike" in media's portrayal of women are just doing it to get tail ...
Luke, you sound like you're trying to get laid in a Woman's Studies class.
These are both the most and least sexist comments ever made: They assume everything anyone does is for sex, but it's something they will never have. I tried to imagine how sexless your life would have to be to think an Internet comedy article about comics could get you laid, but stopped because my testicles were retracting into my body. Because when you think that, your testicles migrate to your stomach for digestion. I think the guys who wrote these comments say things like that because they're trying to get kicked in the balls, which they'll then claim as third base.
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It's the closest he's gotten.
Virginity is the one subject where 40 years of experience doesn't make you an expert for other people. Of course, most of us don't need special tactics to get laid. It turns out "not being an asshole" and "meeting other people" both work pretty well.
#6. Misandry-Man vs. The Feminazi!
The Comment:Cracked isn't doing a good job of keeping up with the times by failing to treat men's issues with any degree of legitimacy.
Also any comment using "feminazi" or "misandry."
"Misandry" may be the most efficient word in the English language. In just one word it condenses the self-denying assholery of "I'm not a racist, but ..." with the misogyny of "All women are bitches," throwing in a free persecution-complex bonus, because it's not like the user was going anywhere. Our previous codeword for "biggest asshole on the planet" took two words because Donald Trump has a first name.
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For once Trump isn't the most hated guy in the article, and goddamn these assholes for making that possible.
If you think hot women have it easy because everyone wants to have sex at them, you're both wrong and also the reason you're wrong. Most people don't base their quality of life around how hard it is to get laid, because they actually do get laid, and it isn't that hard to do. Being a straight male is tremendous fun and sexuality's lowest difficulty setting: You know what you want and everyone else in your demographic will praise you for being able to do it. No one else on the spectrum of sexual orientation can say that. If women hate you for cursing about how stupid "bitches" are, it's not because you're the victim of an anti-male conspiracy: It's because you're you.
#5. Dictionaries
If you're having a difficult time imagining how dictionaries could be made relevant to sexuality, well done on knowing more about sexuality than some real people.
The Comments:
Definition of SEXISM
1: prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially: discrimination against women
2: behavior, conditions or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex
With the exception of sue being useless, I don't see how any of these costumes fit this criteria (looking slutty isn't a social role). In my experience the scantily clad girls kick just as much ass and are just as useful as everyone else. These costumes may be ridiculous, impractical, insulting and objectifying, but they aren't sexist.
So uh ... yeah ... calling a piece of clothing sexist is like calling my baseball cap a liberal.
There's a certain species of idiot who tries to semantically argue their way out of idiocy, and to this day they're confused about why their dictionaries haven't gotten them laid. But not as confused as their DNA, which can't understand why evolution created a species that prevents itself from reproducing.
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"We don't care what your figures say, we are not taking our shirts off."
It saves time when someone opens their argument by copy-pasting a dictionary. You immediately know they 1) think length counts over quality (which is why they bought that penis pump), 2) are incapable of stating their own thoughts and 3) are stupid. He also admits his only experience with girls is from comics, which might be why he thinks "looking slutty isn't a social role." This guy would stand up at his first Wrestlemania to elucidate how elevating your person onto the uppermost turnbuckle is tactically unsound. He has no experience of two people writhing together, or why anyone would dress and act a certain way in public, but believes his knowledge of words makes him the expert.
#4. Pedantry
Another breed of comics fans have an obsessive knowledge of every issue ever printed, and just like any group of lunatics who believe that anyone deviating from their chosen text can burn in hell, their text is full of madness and contradiction. Also, "breed" is the wrong word to use with people who genuinely hate you for not agreeing with them. When writing about the Star Sapphires and Wonder Woman, I used images of the Star Sapphires and Wonder Woman, and people screamed at me because not all Star Sapphires are Wonder Woman. DC has so many identical body-painted lingerie models that it's hard to tell them apart. Apparently, this was supposed to weaken the point I was making about sexism.
The Comment:
I was enjoying this article until I saw that first image of that Star Sapphire member with epic cleavage. Too bad it wasn't Wonder Woman as stated, but Carol Ferris. So, seriously, can you at least do your f*****g research before writing an article next time? I don't care how poignant/relevant the entire message/moral/yada-yada is, it's those kinds of little details (or more precisely, the lack thereof) that makes (sic) me question your credibility as a journalist.
I also question my credibility as a journalist, and the question is "Really?" followed by mocking laughter. Simply using the phrase "epic cleavage" means that that comment is the closest he's gotten to any in a situation involving another person. When he clicks on porn clips, the girls say they have to go be naked in shampoo commercials that night.
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"It's not you, it's me. Me and the way I wish you didn't exist."
I'm not saying this kind of lunatic "You referred to a character from Showcase No. 22 as well as one from All Star Comics No. 8, RETARD!" continuity obsession is what's killing the market by scaring off new readers, but DC just ended all their continuities and blew up their entire universe to attract new readers. Because when a six-issue series has to spend five pages per issue on characters reminding each other about bullshit that happened in other comics, that's not fun. That's what fictional characters get instead of arthritis when they're forced to do the same thing for 60 years.
#3. "One Example Isn't Sexist, So Your Argument Is Invalid"
A few idiots confuse social trends for scientific rules, claiming that a single counterexample disproves the entire statement. Which is insane, because the laws of physics have nothing to do with comics breasts.
DC
According to gravity, each should have its own orbital satellites.
And I am delighted that, on a site that copy-pasted the entire article (thanks, assholes!), their example was Amanda Waller. I cut her from the original article because she's too obscure for most people. But since we're already talking about an angry article-stealing comics fan's penis' preferences, this column is already about obscure sex things no one has ever seen. So, for the first time ever, a bonus entry for a previous article!
MOST SEXIST SUPERHERO COSTUMES #6: AMANDA WALLER
DC
Amanda Waller kicked all the ass. One of the only people in the DC universe to think "Maybe we shouldn't just keep murderers who can fire atomic blasts behind non-atomic-blast-proof walls," as master of the Suicide Squad she used implanted bombs to force villains to fight other villains and then make sure that Suicide Squad wasn't just a snappy name. She was a person of color and size, both disadvantages as far as mainstream comics are concerned, and still permanently kicked more villainous ass than the entire Justice League. I would rather piss off Batman than Waller, because you know the Bat-wimp is going to leave you alive, but Waller simply does not give that guarantee.
DC
AND WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUND BODY ARMOR AND BAT-EQUIPMENT FOR THE ENTIRE GOTHAM P.D., YOU UNBELIEVABLE DUMBASS?
And here's how she looked after the 2011 DC reboot.
DC
She was one of the only nonattractive women in their entire universe, and they rewrote their entire reality to "fix" that. They considered including even one person a reader wouldn't want to fuck an error worth rebooting space-time itself to undo. That's not a cherry-picked shot, that's the very first shot of the new Waller, how they presented her to a brand new audience: leaning over for bra-display purposes while ordering the mass murder of 60,000 people by convicted felons. That is literally psychotic sexism, and it's worth pointing out that while her team is armed with impact harnesses, thermal imaging helmets, wrist-mounted cannons and tattoos made of infernal flame, her special equipment is a frilly edged peephole bra.
#2. "It's OK for Sexist Things to Be Sexist"
The Comments:Yes, surprise, surprise a medium almost exclusively made for, marketed, and sold to adolescent boys and men heavily plays off idealized male fantasies including o_0gasp0_o sexual ones perish the thought.
Why is the idea of sex so abhorrent to you?
You wouldn't complain about women dressing like this in pornography, so why complain here?
Multiple commenters gave me shit for not just admitting that comics were porn, and that's the only multiple anything these idiots will give anything. They admit that they only view comics as a sexual fantasy (two directly equate them to sex itself) and then challenge me to respond. I don't want to say it's hard in case they get the wrong idea.
I can't believe I have to explain this to people who clearly read dictionaries ("Abhorrent (adj): like hate but you're trying to sound smart") but sexy doesn't have to be sexist. In fact, it's even sexier and funner when it isn't, although that's difficult to understand when you only see real women in browser windows. This "sexy-ist" bullshit is why we still have judges telling women to try not to get sexually assaulted next time, and why people who sell vuvuzelas are better protected from violence than those who sell sex, despite the latter making sure the buyer doesn't bother other people for a while.
Hey, dumbass, can you think of a reason why about half of anything would be female? (In fairness, he's probably never met one.)
#1. "You Don't Even Like This!"
The Comment:Luke McKinney, YOU, and all the people who run around spouting off about inequality in comics without ever actually looking at what the stories being printed are about, are the root of the very problem you are decrying.
This happens when someone believes himself the final authority on anything. If you don't agree with him, you just don't get it! The idea is that you can't enjoy comics if you don't enjoy primary-colored lingerie catalogs, and depressingly that's what most modern superhero-comic writers think, too. Which is why I wrote the article in the first place: I love comics. I've spent more on comics than I have on cars and consider them more useful. I not only have controversial opinions on Tony Stark versus Bruce Wayne, I'm geeky enough to know they're controversial (and which back issues to claim "don't count" because that writer clearly didn't understand the character he was writing, in my nonhumble opinion). I'm still annoyed that Stormwatch Achilles got cut off by an unrelated reboot.
I'm flattered that people think I'd research an entire industry for a few quick gags, but I don't work quite that hard. I didn't include Emma Frost in the first article because her character really is about overt sexuality. I didn't include Witchblade or Tarot because they don't have characters at all, just structurally improbable lines of clothing to (sometimes) to hold their blatant pork-spheres in place.
Broadsword Comics
The two Death Stars were more structurally probable and had better-developed personalities.
Loving comics is why I'm annoyed at major publishers deciding "We'll only target half the population, then much less than that" by turning it into expensive fake softcore: ridiculously stupid characters and more camera angle than character development. It's also why I'm excited by new characters who exist in their own universes, and so are allowed to actually do things that won't be erased in the next story arc. Atomic Robo features women who kick ass and wear clothes at the same time, as if not being naked were some kind of combat advantage. Empowered proves that joyously, blatant fan service doesn't preclude a personality or character development. It turns out you don't need a Y chromosome to have a lead role or protection against chilly breezes.
Atomic Robo, Red 5 Comics
Warning: This may be the first time in all of comics you've seen non-breast-molded body armor.
Empowered, Dark Horse Comics
The goddamned Maidman, who throws doilyrangs, with a little something for idiots who say "It's a distraction tactic!" and "Men are equally objectified."
Comics are fun. Sexiness is even funner. But if you can't get through 30 pages without naked ladies, you might as well claim you're reading it for the articles.
Luke doesn't just understand comics sexuality, he's also an expert in video game romance. And yes, of course such a seductive genius has a Tumblr and website.
For more responses to idiots, check out the 10 Species of Angry Commenter You Encounter on the Web and The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters.
Honestly, I would have enjoyed this article a lot more if you hadn't spent so much of the time claiming the people commented are just sad virgins. Not saying I necessarily disagree, but it is the same rhetoric and cheap argumentation that they often used (e.g. luke is gay). It made you come off as hypocritical. It made it seem as though we were reading a bitter, angry retort on comments that hurt your feelings rather than the well thought out response it partially was/could've been.
ReplyComedy. Comedy website. Go be serious somewhere else.
Replyi found his responses and takedowns funny. it's possible to use humour to make a point. i thought this was done well.
The only thing that bothers me about this article is that while it brings up the of course important side that all the women are portrayed in a sexist way, it completely disregards that there is almost as few ugly, non-muscular male superheroes as female. This sexism does not only apply to the women, but to the men of comics as well. That's why I can't help but being annoyed by that the author of this article made this article just as extremely anti-sexist as the sexist comments it disaknowledges. I read a fine quote once claiming something along the lines that "Feminism is the concept that gender equality can be achieved by solely focusing on the issues of one of the genders.". This article becomes a fine example of that, which describes why feminism will never equal equality, albeit the current state of the world has equality and feminism pulling the same way (more women rights).
ReplyOf course, I don't mean to say that this article is wrong; it is wrong the way women are depicted now. But I think it is just as wrong that men are depicted the same way.
True, but Luke isn't responsible for that. It's not his responsibility to discuss in an article themed around the depiction of women in comics although I invite him to write an article on the topic as I'm sure he has more knowledge than I on the subject. You make a good point in regards to the generally conventionally-attractive superheroes (and conventionally-unattractive villains) being harmful representations that muscular and well endowed is inherently good and being weedy or overweight or differently abled or disfigured isn't the cause of the villains' evil but doesn't make for being a valued part of the monoculture of white, straight, "good" looking heroes.
Gender roles, and in fact the devaluation of femininity is harmful to men as well as women, so feminism actually stands to benefit all genders. Amongst other reasons, the closer we get to making them equal, the easier it will be for men to freely express a gender identity that isn't hyper masculine, express their feelings, stay home from work and look after their kids, come out as gay even though they don't resemble one of the stereotypes shown to us daily...
The quote may apply to a small subset of feminists, but it by no mean encapsulates or describes us all. I fight for the freedom from the restraint of gender, and that includes the equality of males and females.
Not to defend your detractors, but aren't you employing exactly the same rhetorical tactic when you tell them that they'll never touch a real boobie? Was it really necessary, indeed, appropriate, to respond to the attack that you're gay or you're just trying to get laid with accusing your attackers of never being able to have sex?
ReplyIt's called "irony". Look it up.
Interesting side effect of reading this article... You added fuel to my desire to draw comics. Also, this was the final straw for me creating an account just so I could comment and thank you for that.
ReplyAs for the article itself; *applauds* Well said, sir. Well said.
I find the deeper sexism to be more insidious.
ReplyIt's not the fact that women are drawn to be unrealistically attractive, it's the fact that women characters have to be attractive at all, while men aren't.
It's like how pundits and politicians will all compliment Mrs. Obama's appearance, but don't give a crap about Mr. Obama's. The woman is judged by her looks, the man is not.
I think what gets misunderstood here is that women don't hate men and want to force them out of anything. They just want to be included. They don't care if there are fewer male superheroes or fewer female superheroes in ridiculous outfits. They just want to see more female superheroes and more of them in more realistic and less obviously sexual outfits.
ReplyComics don't include ridiculous and over-sexualised-looking female characters because only men read them; women tend not to because of the ridiculous and sexualised-looking characters.
BTW, we are all feminists. If you think men and women are equal (and who doesn't?), you're a feminist.
Some people don't. Just read the comments.
As much as I think you might have a point, I really can't stand articles written by people to complain about comments they got on other articles. I come to cracked to read funny s**t, not people bitching at each other - if I want to read a flame war I'll go to an internet forum thank you.
ReplyIt's not really the comments he's complaining about though, is it? I mean, those are the examples he used, but if you think that's the only place this s**t pops up you are sorely mistaken.
*Slow clap for Luke*
ReplyIt's been a while since I've so thoroughly enjoyed a Cracked article--in fact, this may be my favorite ever, and that's saying quite a lot! Kudos.
ReplyAlso, this is exactly why I don't read superhero comics, ie. the marvel & dc stuff... well, one of the reasons. There's a whole world of brilliant comics out there that don't treat women as walking wank material, that have funny, exciting plots, and storylines that aren't dictated by the lowest common denominator... and a lot of them can be read for free on the internet.
ReplySuperhero comics also suffer from the same thing most tv shows do: the snapback effect. It's too much damn work, too expensive, to keep track of all the continuities and make sure there aren't any inconsistencies in them, when each episode can have a different writer, and many of the writers write for several series. This makes for convoluted and ridiculous plot devices, when the writers tie the narrative to knots in order to restore status quo...
Another thing is, when the demons of marketing research sink their unholy fangs on any piece of creative work and invoke the dark magic of "target demographics", that's when the s**t hits the fan and you can forget about any piece of originality - any interesting, thought-provoking, controversial ideas have to go in favor of pleasing the masses. And you know what you say - when you try to please everyone, you end up creating crap.
Then, about the whole confusion between sexism & sexy: it's really sad that there really are guys who think you can't create sexy without it being sexist. Or even sadder, they don't understand why the sexist things are sexist. There's plenty of ways to feature sexy women in comics (or any medium) without reducing them to pieces of flesh with no other purpose than to please the male gaze. It's kind of insulting that these superhero comic producers seem to think so little of their male readers, that they seem to assume that every male sees women as nothing more than objects to satisfy their desire...
And man, don't even get me started on the ridiculous anatomy... it's like, have these artists ever _seen_ a woman??? Have they any idea how the human body works? Do... do they know people's joints aren't made of rubber?
Anyway, long story short (I believe they call it tl;dr these days), I'd love to be able to like superhero comics, but there's just too much funky s**t that my brain objects to in them, so I'm just going to have to less known artists - and no, I'm not a hipster.
This article was great and I agree with everything in
ReplyI am seriously wondering how many of you have ever talked to a woman outside of your family? You can get out the dictionary and look up obsessive compulsive, which explains your pattern of systematic masterbation over comic book women, while ignoring the 3.5 billion women on the planet because your intimidated by real vaginas and boobs. Good luck meeting someone who will tolerate your lack of, well anything, that a quality man has. Hope you don't wank off too hard and deflate your mega sized heads (I mean the one on your sholders). Not all of us women have boobs that are visible from space, but then I am sure you have never been close enough to one of us to notice it. Good luck guys.
ReplyI love you.
Reply(FTR, no plans on sleeping with the author. Just really admire the fact that he's got this so, so right.)
Haha... Well done again Luke.
ReplyI read this article just after reading Mark Hills experiment on Campaigners for male rights, and after actually visiting the Mens Voice website for a quick chuckle...
It makes this article even funnier to know that they're raging and shaking their sweaty fists at the "Feminazi" oppression you've obviously been indoctrinated by to write these articles :P.
Good show sir... good show.
Lol, so you b***h about how people are being hipocrites in their arguments... then do the exact same thing through out that rage filled rant? lawl whatta winnar!
ReplyI don't think that word means what you think it means.
And just for the record, I and most people I know that enjoy comics from the likes of DC and Marvel don't read them for the hand-drawn boobs. They are in there as an added bonus. Why that pisses you off that you wasted so much time writing this useless article, I will never understand. If your complaint is that some storylines/characters of comics suck, then complain about that! A female comic book character can have big boobs and still be a well-written character. Same goes for all the super-buff dudes in skin-tight spandex. So if you think all comics suck then start finding better comics to read. Just because a series contains ugly women doesn't inherently make it better a series with hot half-naked women. You really need to get off your high horse and realize that only people who have too much time on their hands give a s**t about this.
ReplySWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH
Also, you're defeating your own point by assuming all your critics are not getting any. And you are a heartless bastard if you really have that big of a problem with scantily-clad comic book women. You do realize they aren't real, right? And that nobody is actually being negatively affected? There are other things you could be throwing a fit about that are actually a big deal.
Reply"nobody is actually being negatively affected" Wait, you mean women only exist in comics? f**k, someone must be drugging me because I see them in real life all the time!
Damn dude, get a life. Why do you waste your time bitching about this stuff?
ReplyHe does get paid to write these things you know.
though this contradicts #7, i have to say, i would totally have sex with a guy who held similar ideals as luke. mostly because they're refreshing anomalies where i live. also, i like smart guys.
Reply