#3. Billboard Face
Billy Gibby is famous for using his body as a billboard. He is covered in sponsored tattoos, including numerous ones on his face, for such visionary websites as minkaxxx.com, hiphopbling.com, libertytaxservice.com, and savemartha.com. Many of the sites no longer exist, and as he grows older, he's having to deal with the unfortunate knowledge that being covered in numerous porn URLs isn't the splendid dream us common folk might think it is.
There was a time, when the Internet was young, that Billy could charge up to $1,000 to get a logo tattooed on his body. But like all tired old harlots, he had to drop his prices, and eventually he was shilling flesh for a meager $75 a shot. These days Gibby says he was actually undiagnosed as bipolar, a condition that contributed to him thinking any of this was a good idea. Probably any permanent changes you make to your body as the result of an undiagnosed medical condition are not good ideas and are things you will later regret.
Now that he's medicated, he has 20 awful as shit tattoos he wants to get rid of and not a lot of means to do it, since he's completely unemployable, what with porn website names plastered across his noggin. So he's auctioning off more space on the rest of his body for more reputable companies to help finance the removal of his terrible ones. Good luck, Gibby!
Russia is a bit of a strange place these days. Their leader is constantly shirtless and hugging animals, everyone has dashcams, and every so often giant meteors rain down from the sky in a blaze of glory. Plus all the Russian mob stuff and the dancing bears. What's the deal with that?
Another Russian trend that may be hard to wrap your head around is tattooing cats. Because it involves tattooing a cat. Who the hell does that? Russians!
To clarify, this isn't hip Internet slang or Russian innuendo. They literally take a cat of the hairless variety, sedate it, and then tattoo it. Timur Rimut, whose last name is an anagram of his first and therefore perhaps not a real name at all, posted a video of a procedure in which he gave his cat a tattoo that matches his own. They have matching tattoos. Take a moment to bask in that. He also has the cat's portrait tattooed on himself.
Other Russian cats have appeared online bearing awesome tattoos like the sarcophagus of King Tut, and one little scamp has a full-body spread going on. Classy.
Why tattoo a cat, you ask? Ha ha ha.
#1. (Potential) Death by Tattoo
Brand X Pictures/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images
Bali is one of the world's leading sex tourism destinations thanks to the fact that it has equal appeal for both men and women. While many destinations cater to a male crowd and their deviant urges, Bali has a booming industry of something called Kuta cowboys, local males who are basically gigolos for the pleasure of female tourists. It's fascinating, really. Has nothing to do with this entry other than the fact that you can apparently get HIV from both the cowboys and the tattooists in Bali.
A tourist from Western Australia contracted HIV after getting tattooed in Bali back at the ass end of 2011. The ultimate tattoo nightmare is summed up in that quick and horrible side effect -- if a tattoo artist is too stupid or lazy to follow basic tattooing rules, including sanitation and using clean equipment, then a tattoo gun basically becomes a drooling back-alley penis, shooting infection all up in your body 50 times a second, giving you anything from HIV to hepatitis to serious infections, including necrotizing fasciitis, tetanus, and tuberculosis. If there's something you don't want to have, a filthy-ass tattoo needle or ink could give it to you. Imagine how awful you'd feel if you had the stupid drunken whim to get "YOLO" tattooed on the back of your neck and it gave you polio. God, that's humiliating.
That said, tattoo infections are pretty rare -- they number around 50 a year, and most of those are simple skin infections that clear up quickly. In fact, the CDC hasn't logged any cases of HIV infection from tattoos in the U.S. at all. But still, if you're heading to Bali or Bangkok or some other foreign port because you maybe want to see the local wildlife and/or hump the locals, don't get tattooed while you're there. Consider this is a PSA.