The 6 Stupidest Things We Use to Judge People We Don't Know
A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend about music, and within 30 seconds we were making fun of Nickelback. Half a minute after that, we were ripping on their fans. At the time, we were just two guys looking down our noses and laughing at a fan base and a form of music we considered beneath us. But after that conversation, I kind of felt like a douchebag. Not for making fun of Nickelback, because that band really does suck, but for damning their fans. What made me think that my taste in music made me any more important or intelligent than them?
We as humans do this constantly. I'm not referring to just the elitist assholes who lord obscure knowledge over us like an approaching thunderstorm made of anus. I'm talking about average, everyday people who judge a person entirely on meaningless things like ...
#6. Where You Work
Regular readers know that I used to work at a truck wash for big tractor/trailers. In 15 years of employment there, there wasn't a single day when I was proud to tell someone what I did for a living. In fact, if I was meeting a stranger for the first time and I knew that there was no chance of us ever seeing each other again, I'd flat out lie. "Oh, you're a lawyer? That's awesome. I build nuclear warheads with my penis."
I did it because I knew the reaction my job produced wasn't one of interest. It was one of sympathy. "Well, hey, at least you have a job, right? Not many people can say that in this economy." As if I needed the reassurance of a stranger to justify my occupation.
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"I appreciate you saying so, sir. Now if you don't mind, I have some of your food to shit in."
Of course, we've all felt that satisfying mixture of pity and superiority that comes from seeing a stranger doing a crappy job. When we see a middle-aged woman working the McDonald's drive-through, we immediately assume she's uneducated and barely employable. She's "stuck" working a fast food job. It never occurs to us that she may be intentionally working her way up the ladder to become a manager -- a job that pays an average of $40,000 a year. Or that this isn't her only job, and she's busting her ass, doing whatever it takes to survive. Or that, of the 50 applications she put out over the last half a year, this was the only job that replied.
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"So that's a No. 4 with a large go fuck yourself? Anything else I can get for you, you arrogant cocksucker?"
Instead we scoff, because it makes us feel better about where we are in life. "Yeah, I may stack boxes in the dildo factory, but at least I don't flip burgers for a living." In doing that, we're justifying our own occupations to ourselves. And since it happens so often, we know for a fact that those in better careers are looking at us through that same judgmental lens. No matter what our level of employment, scoffing at others for how they make their money is our means of comforting ourselves, because at least we're not that poor bastard who picks up my trash.
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"All it takes is for me to slip one human hand in here and we never see you again."
And God help you if you work the night shift, because you'll definitely be getting shit for ...
#5. Sleeping Late
I've always been a night person. Some of my best writing happens at three in the morning when the house is totally silent and I don't have daily chores looming over me like paparazzi at a celebrity funeral. It feels like the whole world is asleep except for me. It's peaceful, and I need that feeling of isolation to help me concentrate and create.
But even when I was working manual-labor jobs, I still preferred the night shift. I got in the habit of staying up until daybreak and then sleeping until early afternoon, and that schedule has worked for me ever since. But holy shit, did people ever look down on me for it.
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"Goddamnit, leave me alone!"
People assume that late sleepers are lazy and unproductive. They're lumped in with people who stay up all night partying, dancing in a drug-fueled craze while wearing aluminum foil pants and stuffing glow sticks in their asses, then sleeping away the day because of the ensuing hangover. Or teenagers on summer break who spend the night playing video games, shouting racial slurs at each other over headsets and ignoring the importance of getting up at the crack of dawn like a "normal" adult. Or worse yet, they picture us going to bed at the same time as them but just choosing to sleep for the next 16 hours because we think our body deserves more sleep than theirs.
Of course, most of us night people sleep the same amount of time as people who keep more regular hours. We're just shifting our active schedule to a different time of day. While they're asleep, we're working just as hard as they did when the sun was out. We're equally as productive -- just not at 9 a.m.
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My yearly clock budget is in the thousands.
But still they scoff, because to them, we're immature. Real adults start their day when the local businesses open and go to bed when late night talk shows are over. People who are just getting started when Letterman ends might be more productive than them (and in creative industries, that's often the case), but the sight of someone in their bathrobe any time after 11 a.m. is just too much for some people to deal with. It's automatically assumed that we're sleeping our day away while respectable society carries us on their back.
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"I'm sleeping because I just hate responsibility that much."
But before you decide to try out the lifestyle of the Daywalkers and invest in a fancy computerized alarm clock to help you wake up, be warned that you'll be scoffed at for ...
#4. The Technology You Buy
I have friends who are militant Mac advocates. They're constantly on me to switch from my archaic PC because "Mac is so much better at processing video." When I tell them that I don't really create video and that my PC does everything I need it to do, they assure me I'm being unreasonable, and go off to rub their boners together while talking about what the next iPad might look like. Evidently, I'm supporting The Man because I choose to use Windows instead of whatever jungle cat the current Mac operating system is naming itself after.
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Get the most out of your computer by using Toothy Scar-Eye.
It's the same with video game consoles. "You play an Xbox 360? Pfft. You haven't lived until you've played a PS3." If you have tech-savvy friends, you'll hear it no matter what you buy. TVs, phones, computer monitors, speakers ... pretty much anything that uses electricity, they know of or own something better. And it's enough to make you want to grab their far superior technology and beat them with it until transistors flake off of their skulls like Terminator dandruff.
Now, I understand that if you're a tech person and you see a friend about to make a mistake by purchasing something truly shitty, it's your duty to step up and give them a warning. "I know this tower is cheaper, but the reason is because there's no room for upgrades, and the components will be obsolete within a year. Paying a little extra for the other one will save you hundreds in the long run." But that's not what we're doing when we scoff.
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"Oh, that's so cute. Look at him, thinking he knows things."
Scoffing is dismissive -- it's not helpful. It allows us to write people off. And if we're not writing you off for what you buy, we're doing it because of ...
I hate the night shift thing. I tell people that I'm still working night shift after 2 years, and the response is always "you should find a job where you can work during the day". It's not that simple and it's frustrating.
ReplyI love you, man! BTW I love writing in the late hours too... nobody understands it...
ReplyMan, David Cross is an a*****e, I can't stand his face, or anyone else on Arrested Development, and I hate their fans too, they're so annoying. I have learned nothing from this article.
ReplyWhen will ignorant assholes like you realize that PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET DON'T UNDERSTAND SARCASM!
I don't know, I think judging someone for their political opinions is somewhat valid, given that it probably gives some idea of their values and and attitudes on a lot of issues, which is generally an alright way to judge someone - at least to judge whether they're the kind of person you'll find tolerable
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIn a way yes, but I have met some of the nicest people that have ass-backward political opinions.
Well it certainly can allow you judge some things about them, but really you should avoid broad generalizations until you know about the person in question more. This is especially true since just because you support a political entity doesn't mean that you share absolutely all of that entity's views... not to mention the fact that a lot of these entities tend to have kind of undefined views. Seriously, just look at the divisions in the Republican party. If you were to judge someone just because they were Republican now, that'd be a huge assumption considering the party is split into like 4 different overlapping camps.
Well said, Jimerao. The other problem with judging someone by their political affiliation is that, in my experience, the view we have of the opposing party is more of a caricature of their beliefs than an accurate depiction. So you're assigning that person a caricature that may be entirely inaccurate.
Yeah,I'm pre-judged a LOT for liking Nickelback!
ReplyI have probably done most of these despite my claim that I don't judge people. One I HAVEN'T done is negatively pre-judge those working in service or fast-food when they're middle age. I always assume that this must be their second job and actually look up to them and feel kind of bad that I only have my one job like a lazy POS! OR, if in fast food, I actually PREFER the middle aged workers. They have more work ethic, less likely to get a cold, sloppy grease burger. There's a guy that works at 5 Guys (a burger joint) who has to be about 50 but he ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS gives out piping hot food and fast too! Another guy I knew was just out of rehab and worked at a pizza joint, but did it so well he got fast-tracked promotions and company paid for tuition reimbursement. He now wears a suit to work in corporate plaza now. No, the only people I've "judged" are those who don't work and aren't even trying and never did.
ReplyWell, damn. Am I still allowed to judge people who use leetspeak?
Replyj3s.
Hail the people of the night! I don't know why people find it odd, but the sleep schedule actually allows me to sleep (rather than being awake at 6am and falling asleep at any possible opportunity--especially school).
ReplyJesus, might as well criticize me for having two kidneys.
Real, hard working Americans get by with just one kidney you lazy bastard! Maybe you should just donate both of yours to two people who could actually use them and quit wasting society's time!
People we don't know? Then how do we know these things about them?
ReplyI guess another good example is where somebody is from. Some of us make a big deal of this.
Well,I have been Judged on all of those things.
ReplySo when is that party in your bathtub?
PS.Graveyard shift is an eternal dark hell
I have worked nights for 7 years now, and you hit the nail on the head with the way it is viewed. I have been called lazy for being in bed at 2 in the afternoon by people who don't even have f*****g jobs. f**k the f**k off. Then, you have people who insist on ringing up at 10:00 even though you tell them you work nights. Would I ring you at 04:00? No. I'd be called insensitive as "Obviously we were sleeping".
ReplyThe other stigma about working nights comes down to alcohol. There many who like a drink after work. Try justifying that at 07:00 after you have finished work.
But, hey ho. Thems the breaks with working the graveyard shift.
I saw that a lot as a bartender, guys would come in and get drinks and people who were there to eat ("cause it's too early to drink") would be giving the drinking guys the hairy eyeball (and commenting to me, like I was wrong to serve the shot), like "Really? Doing a shot at 11 in the morning? Huh!" I was like, a couple hours after you get off work is 7pm, he just got off work a couple hours ago, so it's "his 7pm". That's who I judge, people who are visibly and loudly judgmental of others.
Sometimes your articles are comedy gold, John, and sometimes they force much-needed introspection on the reader...this does neither.
ReplyNot particularly bad, or even unpleasant to read, just not your best. Not to nitpick, because no one can be at their best all the time, just one readers perspective.
I'll still read your next column because generally you're one of the best writers at cracked. Thanks for that.
I thought this article gave me some interesting insights and was rather good. Therefore I look down upon you for your taste in entertainment.
And I couldn't stop LOL'ing after I realized I did this straight away to the second comment in the comments section.
#5 is the most true thing in the history of true-isms. I work 12:30 to 9 and I have to hear my friends who get up in the morning tell me how lucky I am. Fools, shift everything you do back four and a half hours and you have my day. If I have to be somewhere at 8 AM before work it's like you having to be somewhere at 4 AM. It's hard and it's draining and having done both I'd prefer day hours if I had the option, it feels less draining in the long term.
ReplyIf Cracked was a steaming pile of s**t, Cheese would be the powdered sugar on top: sweet, but maybe a bit irrelevant.
ReplyI fit several of these categories that everyone looks down on, but the worst by far is the fact that I work second shift at Wal-Mart. By the time I get off work, it's usually 11PM. I need a couple of hours to relax because the job is active, so by the time I get to bed, it's around 2AM. Naturally, I sleep until 9 or 10. Occasionally, I'll talk to my mom on the phone right after I wake up and she always calls me lazy. I sleep the same amount as her; I'm just on a different schedule. My mom's an intelligent person, so I don't understand why she doesn't get it.
ReplyAnd just try to tell anyone that you work at Wal-Mart. Everyone thinks that I'm unintelligent with zero ambition when that just simply isn't true. I had a desk job, and I hated it so much that I was literally suicidal. I just happen to be someone who needs physical activity and human contact in my job to be happy, both of which my current position as a cashier provides. Plus, I'm currently training for a management position after just a year and a half, which is far more advancement than I ever saw in my desk job.
Then again, I'm happy now, so it doesn't really matter what everyone else thinks. Plus, as a cashier, I've seen a lot of interesting things.
I really enjoyed working retail. If nothing else you always had great stories about the "stupid customer" of the day. You know, like the guy who walks into your HARDWARE store and wants to know where you baby clothes department is. /facepalm.
Then I moved and where I live now retail doesn't pay enough so I got a "grownup" job at a factory. Everybody I tell who hasn't worked a factory job is all "OH, and how is it?" thanks to the modern myth about them being "good" jobs. I tell them the only difference between factory work and fast food is what oil you smell like at the end of your shift.
Yep, people do the same thing when your second job is the weekend/night shift at a bowling alley.
One of my favorite things to do is to use increasingly complicated vocabulary when people talk down to me.
It's a little game I play with people; every once in awhile, I use a word that someone doesn't understand. The game starts when the person has to decide whether to pretend to understand it or give in and ask--because there's no way the bowling-alley girl could possibly be more intelligent.
It's beautifully passive-aggressive. And kind of mean.
My wife and I live down the street from an elderly stalker couple who keep inviting us to their church. They said we should come because they already have the whole congregation praying for me to find a job soon (a nice gesture, I suppose). It never occurred to them that my leaving nightly at 5:30 and coming home after 7 in the morning meant that I worked nights somewhere. They see me leaving and coming home, I don't know what they assume I'm up to.
ReplyDrugs! Aliens! Zombies! Porn!
Alien zombie porn on drugs!
I've never understood how Americans can shun someone without hesitation because they, for example, aren't an Obama supporter and yet pay absolutely no attention to what he actually does.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesAnd.....you just proved it all true.
Only Americans shun people for retarded reasons
Shun the non-believeerrrrr!
And the way people look, or the level to which their bodies function, how about that, hmm?
ReplyI only caught a thing about everyone getting into a bathtub together. How do I get in on that?
ReplyFrom where I live, we don't really judge people on their political beliefs, because here all politicians are the same. You either vote for Mr. Graft who used to be a movie star or Mr. Corruption whose sister is a movie star. Either way, you get screwed.
Reply