Cracked Columnists

The 6 Most Spectacular Dick Moves in Online Gaming History

#5. The Level 1 Apocalypse (World of Warcraft)

World of Warcraft has always been a target for hackers (players stealing money or gaining speed advantages), but the most recent attack re-enacted the skull road at the start of Terminator.

World of Warcraft via Eurogamer
But with real pretend skulls.

Hackers worked out how to one-shot kill everything in the game, then tried to do literally that. They were walking around a world of epic swords and wonderful magic carrying shotguns. Player Jadd strolled into the Baradin Hold, prison of the demon Alizabal, Mistress of Hate, raid boss of 25 million hit points, and killed her with one click. He killed her before she even finished her evil monologue, meaning Jadd had just done exactly what everyone has ever yelled at James Bond villains to do, and also proved why they don't do that. Because it's boring.


It's the hacking dichotomy. Actually hacking something, studying the code to discover exploits, is an incredible puzzle and enormous fun. But using the hacks is boring. The whole point of a game boss is having a hard time beating it. If you're prepared to just make the enemy dead, you might as well write "Horrible Big Scary Monster!" on a piece of paper and then put a line through it.


And with one bold stroke, I defeated the mighty dragon! Truly, the pen is mightier than the sword.

When the trial accounts used for the hack started getting banned, the remaining hackers knew they only had minutes to live. And then we learned that their bucket list was a giant funeral urn with the word "EVERYONE" written on it. They headed for the major trade cities and massacred far beyond the reach of sanity. They killed and they killed and they killed, and in these neutral zones the victims couldn't fight back.

World of Warcraft via Eurogamer
They did every single one of those corpses by hand.

It was insane. They just clicked everything to death, one at a time. It was like playing Minesweeper, but without the same level of gameplay. Doing it once or twice is fun, but going for a full 30 minutes until the very moment they're forced to stop, killing everything without joy or emotion for no other reason that they can? If we'd known people would get this psychotic, we'd still have invented these games just to keep them off the streets.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Luke McKinney

  • Rss

More by Luke McKinney:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

999 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!