As promised in my article about crazy people endorsing John McCain, I’ve gone out and found the corresponding crazy-Obamadorsments.
How could I ignore your eloquent demands for a follow up, such as “Where is that nun with the tits from?” and “nun’s tits ‘08!”
Not to mention this stunning rejoinder–
Alas, while I tried to man a list with all my might, in the end all I could do was write one. And since you already took Wright and Ayers, I guess I’ll have to dig a little deeper. After all, judging from the feedback, Cracked has become a serious news organization beholden to equal time laws and looked up to for unbiased, incisive political reportage, in addition to pictures of boobies.
It’s in that spirit that I bring you 6 public figures whose endorsements of Obama are so detrimental that they somehow beat out the endorsement of Jesse Jackson, a man who threatened to cut Obama’s nuts off, but, you know, still totally supports him.
Also in that spirit, here is a picture of boobies. And no, I don’t know where they came from. Shut up.
Okay, I guess this list actually has seven people on it. But I’m counting O’Donnell and Moore as one entry for the following two reasons:
For ease of reading, I will henceforth refer to them collectively as “Mosie O’Moorenell.”
The O’Moorenell Bump:
You’ve got to give Mosie an “A” for effort. Whatever their support for Obama may lack in credibility, they make up for with repetition and, well, making things up. One of them was recently named one of the 100 most influential people by Time, and the other tosses a wicked Koosh ball. And with O’Moorenell putting their nasal, blasting voices to work on The View and in a string of hit documentaries, an endorsement from the bloated beast ought to be highly prized.
The Crazy:
There’s a point at which, even if you want to believe something, you have to just call “bullshit.” Take SiCKO, for example. If you’re unfamiliar, SiCKO is an O’Moorenell documentary that takes as its thesis that everywhere in the world except America, pregnant mothers are paid small fortunes to take off work for two years and get waited on hand and foot by trained government nannies who are also the world’s top neurosurgeons (you know, in case anything happens).
Similarly, O’Moorenell has hammered away at logical political discourse with such nuggets of wisdom as “I hope the Catholic Church gets sued until the end of time,” “if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament,” and “if you own a gun, I think you should go to prison.” Which, if you ask me, would just make prisons even more dangerous.
Which is not to mention Mosie’s questioning of Donald Trump’s moral compass after he reinstated Miss USA Tara Connor. Come off it, Mosie; Trump is this nation’s beating heart, and you and I both know it.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
For someone whose name is basically “Christ-opher Christians,” Hitchens isn’t much of a Bible thumper. In fact, the only time he’s thumping a Bible is when he’s trying to work it through a particularly stubborn shredder. Aside from being actively anti-religious, Hitchens spends his time writing about his own philosophy and somehow getting paid a lot to do so. So there, Mom.
The Hitchens Bump:
One of the world’s leading antitheists and philosophical speakers, Hitchens is like catnip to the elites. Not a lot can tie up the intellectual, liberal vote quite like the endorsement of a God-hating philosopher and political pundit. If he happens to call himself an “independent secular humanist” and refuses to align himself with one political party, all the better. Democrats love that shit. Plus he’s got a British accent, which plays with smart crowds almost as well as with College girls.
The Crazy:
There may be such a thing as too elite. Sure, Barack wants to be portrayed as the intelligent, well-spoken candidate, but Hitchens’ brand of “I’m right, you’re wrong” rhetoric can alienate, say, everyone who doesn’t agree with him on every issue.
And some issues are touchier than others. I don’t care how well reasoned his arguments are, writing a book called No One Left to Lie To: The Triangulations of William Jefferson Clinton isn’t the quickest way to rouse the Democratic voters. Unless his intention is to arouse them in the form of a torch-wielding mob, that is.
What could be worse than writing a book slamming Clinton? How about one slamming Mother Theresa called Missionary Position? We get it; you’re not down with religion. But come on man, writing a whole book ragging on possibly the most beloved dead nun of all time? And naming the book after a bland, banal sex act? She’s a saint, dude. Literally.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
That’s right, the bad guy from Speed. He’s had a storied film career, five wives, and provided the voice of Steve Scott in GTA: Vice City. Apparently after all that there’s not a lot left to do besides let people who wander by your house know that you’re famous, and you’ll be voting Democratic this year.
The Hopper Bump:
Certainly, the endorsement of any Academy Award-nominee is a plus. After all, the American people take nothing to heart so much as the political stances of the giant people they see on the big light screen. Hopper’s also getting up in years, and with Newman gone, he’s one of the leading contenders for “respectable, grizzled older actor guy,” a coveted prize for politicians and embarrassingly young trophy wives alike.
Besides, winning the support of a guy who donated thousands of dollars to the Republican National Committee in 2004 and 2005 and is appearing in An American Carol with Jon Voight and Bill O’Reilly this year is almost like turning Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. That’s got to count for something, right?
The Crazy:
Hopper’s always been pigeonholed as the “manically insane guy,” and there may be a reason for that. He’s run the rehab gamut, had a one week marriage, and was at one time blacklisted in Hollywood for refusing direction on eighty takes over the course of a few days.
But the incident that got him on this list involves him and Rip Torn having an altercation (insofar as one is capable of having an altercation with Rip Torn) on the set of Easy Rider. The details are hazy, but Hopper was ultimately fined $900,000 for pulling a knife on Torn, which is like pulling a knife on Smokey the Bear. Which is to say, not cool.
Of course, this only came to light in 1999, after Hopper claimed that Rip Torn pulled a knife on him during a Jay Leno interview. Rip Torn filed a defamation suit, claiming that it was actually Hopper who pulled the knife. After getting a look at Rip Torn, the judge quickly agreed that this was a far more likely scenario.
Oh, and Hopper also painted this:
I’m not saying it makes him crazy, I’m just saying my art is mostly of puppies playing on a beach at sunset, and I’m the sanest guy we know.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
Curtis James Jackson III, everyone’s favorite ex-crack dealer, says he was finally won over by Obama when he delivered a speech on race. In his own words, “He hit me with that he-just-got-done-watching-’Malcolm X,’ and I swear to God, I’m like, ‘Yo, Obama!”
When Obama failed to answer back from the television set, 50 decided this cat may just be hard enough to deserve his vote. That, and there’s no way he’s backing the same candidate as his archrival, Daddy Yankee.
The Fiddy Bump:
Candidates are always looking for ways to electrify the youth, and with two Platinum albums under his belt, 50 has a proven track record of saying words into the ears of young people all across America. Of course, that doesn’t mean they’ll do everything he says. If it did, candy shops everywhere would be doing record lollypop business.
But having someone on his side who’s taken nine bullets and lived to tell the tale might just give that “street” edge Obama’s always trying to get across some real legitimacy.
The Crazy:
I’m not going to call 50 Cent crazy for selling crack and running guns and drug money since the age of twelve. As someone who’s been in that boat more times than I care to recall, I understand that there are days when a rock and a Glock are your only friends. Besides, if that were the standard of insanity for rappers, this list would become longer than the amount of words I’m paid to write.
Where Fiddy distinguishes himself from the common celebrity psychopath is in his seeming unawareness that he no longer needs to get shot at. After soaking up more gunfire than Beirut, making a video game about it, and appearing in a movie with DeNiro and Pacino, he still seems to go out of his way to piss off guys with guns.
Most rappers have beefs with other artists; it’s all part of the act. But in the vast majority of cases, the arguments rarely go beyond a publicity stunt and some lyrics about Suge Knight being a homosexual.
Not Mr. Cent. Since his rise to fame, he’s been stabbed because of a dispute with Ja Rule and Murder, Inc., written songs attacking Fat Joe, Nas, and Jadakiss and accusing P. Diddy of The Notorious B.I.G.’s murder, and continues a feud with The Game that has resulted in gunshot wounds to several parties.
Now, I don’t claim to know a lot about rap, but near as I can tell, 50 Cent literally hates all other rappers, and frequently uses his music as a medium for challenging them to gun battles. It was Get Rich OR Die Tryin’, Fiddy. You’re rich now, which means you don’t have to follow through on the death bit. What’s say you squash all that beef, and we cook us some burgers?
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
The brain behind such masterpieces as the Beatles’ Let it Be and the Ramones’ End of the Century, Phil Spector is one of the most respected names in music production. Plus he’s got a spooky last name.
The Spector Bump:
Spector invented the “wall of sound” production technique, which definitely sounds like an effective campaigning tool. And when it comes to getting your message repeated on the airwaves, Spector can’t be beat. After all, he produced the Righteous Brother’s You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, the most played song of the 20th century. And great news! He was just photographed wearing a “Barack Obama Rocks” pin!
The Crazy:
Unfortunately, he was wearing that pin at his murder trial.
For murder.
And he looks like this:
And you know that Ramones album I mentioned earlier? While they were recording it, Spector made Dee Dee play bass to his specifications at gunpoint and then forced them to re-record the opening chord to “Rock and Roll High School” for eight hours. Other people Spector has pointed a loaded gun at in the studio include Leonard Cohen and John Lennon.
He also kept a gold-plated coffin in his basement that he vowed to display his wife’s corpse in if she ever cheated. Then there’s keeping their son locked in his room with a chamber pot and, oh yeah, killing someone.
That last bit isn’t proven yet, legally, but I think the rest is more than enough to earn Spector a coveted two-spot on this list.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
Farrakhan, known in his heyday as “The Charmer,” was a well-known calypso singer and renowned violinist in the 1940’s and 50’s, who has since worked tirelessly for equal rights and many other important causes. There’s also some other stuff in his bio about the Nation of Islam, but I wasn’t really clear on the details. I think it’s an ice cream parlor.
The Farrakhan Bump:
Besides having the ear of calypso fans across the globe, Farrakhan is a vaunted leader to millions of African Americans. He organized the Million Man March (that’s like, ten thousand votes right there) and was named “Person of the Year” by BET in 2005, narrowly beating out Moesha.
Plus his last name used to be “X,” which is just about as badass as you can get without investing in a chainsaw hand. And guess what? In a recent speech, he referred to Obama as “The Messiah.” Sounds like an endorsement to me!
The Crazy:
Well, first off, he called Obama “The Messiah.” And that’s nothing when it comes to the crazy shit that’s come out of Farrakhan’s mouth. For example, there’s a good amount of debate as to whether he once referred to Judaism as “a gutter religion.” Although to be fair, many in the audience claim he said “butter religion” and was misquoted.
But even if he didn’t knock the Jews, his handling of the ensuing controversy tells you pretty much all you need to know. After his accusers creatively dubbed him “black Hitler,” he responded by pointing out that Hitler wasn’t really so bad. Specifically, he said “they call me Hitler. Well that’s a good name. Hitler was a very great man.” Yes, I’m taking that quote somewhat out of context, but YOU try putting it in a non-offensive context.
Other doozies include:
The last is in reference to Steve Cokely’s assertion that Jews injected black children with AIDS as part of an international conspiracy to take over the world. If Cokely’s got the evidence to back that up, I’d REALLY like to see it.
Of course, it wouldn’t quite be the bottom of the loony well without a UFO mention.
During a 1989 press conference, Farrakhan attributed much of his drive and success to a vision he had in Mexico of a “Wheel, or what you would call an Unidentified Flying Object” that flew him to a “human built planet” (likely Coruscant), where he was spoken to by his dead mentor (likely Alec Guinness in semi-opaque blue).
That, folks, is Kucinich crazy. I mean, hell, I go out to the desert and have visions of aliens like once a month, and you don’t see me holding press conferences about them. I just pay my dealer and move on.
What The Endorsement Says About The Campaign:
Think that’s a downer, Obama boosters? Allow me to leave you with the worst possible campaign endorsement short of Satan manifesting on Earth to attend a swing state rally in a “Hope” shirt.
When not writing for Cracked, Michael lives in a state of constant political neutrality as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
- 2012 ... The Realistic Edition - January 7th, 2009
- The 8 Most Misguided Sci-Fi Versions Of 2008 - December 29th, 2008
- The 8 Best Internet Sketch Troupes Whose Initials Aren't TAM - December 15th, 2008
- The First 100 Days ... After: A Primer for George W. Bush - December 11th, 2008
- How Can We Be In A Recession If We've Got So Much Money? - December 10th, 2008
December 29th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I know Reagan lives with the controversy that liberals say he bullshitted a lot of people into thinking he was great while conservatives loved him…now the opposite is happening with Obama. I just think that anti-obama stories would be a lot more believable if they were coming from lou dobbs, john stossel, or someone more moderate. not fox news they are complete bullshit and any real conservative will say that is true. and damnit, i voted for obama but even kennedy fucked up i don’t doubt he will at least once…but give him the honor of fucking up before you rag on him
November 24th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
You forgot the fact that Dennis Hooper played King Koopa in the Super Marios Bros. movie. That’s key.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I think you’re just mad that Hitchens’ Slate articles regularly get more diggs than Cracked.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:17 am
Those boobs came from a plastic surgeon.
October 30th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Much like others here have stated, maybe you should investigate Mother Theresa’s true meaning before just passing off any criticism of her. “She’s a saint?” What kind of defense is that? And the priests that molested children… THEY WERE PRIESTS.
As for the “she was human” argument, I’m sorry, but condoning and indeed foment the suffering of people - the sick and dying - while giving any donations you receive to build churches rather than better-than-squalid conditions, you’re less than human. All the monsters in history are human - how is that an excuse?
Besides, she never did nude pics
October 29th, 2008 at 12:16 am
In other news, a recent poll suggest that Osama Bin Laden would prefer to endorse ice cream versus a plate of dog poop. The Dow Jones index for dog poop immediately sky rocketed in a trading frenzy, answering a surge in dog poop demand.
October 28th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I think that Michael Moore is great. His movies and books are very well researched and informative. Ironically, Michael Moore wrote an article How the Democrats Can Blow it in Six Easy Steps and step six was for Obama to denounce Michael Moore. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/22249602/how_the_democrats_can_blow_it_in_six_easy_steps/print
October 28th, 2008 at 1:58 am
As a brief derailing of the political bitchfit, I just want to say that I freaking love Christopher Hitchens. I think of him as the angry uncle that I never had.
I mean, I have angry uncles. But not ones that are also Christopher Hitchens.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@Conker
You are running your mouth about something you clearly know nothing about. Congrats, you just became a stereotype!
October 27th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I really don’t care who wins. Really don’t. But I have to make an observation. Every commenter who speaks against John McCain is doing so in a juvenile, joking, poking-fun way. Behind the disagreement and the mocking, they don’t seem to hate the man. It’s kind of like how we all made fun of my First Sergeant we he retired for being older than dirt, but really loved the man.
On the other hand, everyone who talks about Obama in a negative light seems to be so far from joking it’s ridiculous. They are vilifying and demonizing the man. Some say he shouldn’t be elected, but many say he just shouldn’t BE.
Criticism is criticism, and I expect it from both sides. But why does one side seem to be so vicious?
October 27th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Did Joe the Jackass just call Obama a fascist communist?
Wow…someone’s buying into all the hype all at once.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:55 am
To me the legitamacy of an opinion is inversely proportional to its loudness and religiosity.
October 26th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
I now have a reason to vote for McCain. (I’m being sarcastic though I do support McCain)
October 26th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Check out http://www.DanielDickey.com
It’s A Virtual Handjob, It’s Where Midgets Are Made, It’s Sex With Dinosuars, It’s Where Gay Monsters Go To Relax, It’s A Vagina Cafe.
Daniel Dickey
October 26th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
You know,McCain and Obama are pretty decent guys!!
How the If You See Kay(Tell her I said’hi’!!)Did They Get Mixed Up With These Lunatic A’Holes???!!!
Two Gangsta Rappers
Three Bizarre Clergymen
One Weirdo Actor
and The Taxpayers Are Saying
“What The F%ck??!!”.
October 26th, 2008 at 2:08 am
@Conker
Dude, all of our TV is American. Everything about our country is becoming American. How can I be worried about socialism in Canada when I’m busy watching America take over my country with its products, labels, corporations, and culture.
Everyone in the world has to pay attention to American politics because what you do to yourselves affects us all.
October 25th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
You messed up his middle name Joe. Also, you seem kind of filled with rage. Take a chill pill.
October 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I’ve never in my life reacted to the result of any political election with anything more than a smile or an “oh, well”, but this year, I will be so happy to laugh openly at the loss of Barack Hamas Obama, go out and smile cheerfully in the enraged faces of his hateful, evil followers, as they’ll be wheezing with impotent fury and foaming on their mouths, their spit mixing with the venom they’ve been pouring constantly.
Ah, what a nice day Obama’s defeat will be for everyone who supports democracy and opposes fascism, communism and terrorizing a plumber for daring to ask THE OBVIOUS LEADER a question.
October 25th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Obama’s got Hamas ? McCain’s got AL-FUCKING-QAEDA !!!
Man, if ‘ Hamas ‘ is ‘ Satan ‘, then this would be like
Satan’s Father and the entire Hell swarming like a plague in the coot’s direction. You can’t beat that.
October 25th, 2008 at 4:49 am
AND the rest of the world ?
World Citizens Prefer Obama 4-1
http://www.gallup.com/poll/111253/World-Citizens-Prefer-Obama-McCain-Nearly-4to1.aspx
Excellent.
October 25th, 2008 at 4:43 am
You mean the MAJORITY of Americans ?
October 24th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Maybe the real reason Obama wouldn’t want to be associated with Hitchens is that he supported, and continues to support, the Iraq War. You know, something actually relevant.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Who else endorsed Obama? Hamas, Hugo Chavez, Castro, and that loon Lindsay Lohan.
Misery loves company.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
@All Canadians (This includes my politically hyperactive roomie and my Sunday school teacher) Why are you concerned with US politics? Socialism is exactly what I’m afraid of. All three of those television stations you receive are feeding you details about how your own system is superior. I would be suspicious. To be fair, American health is a poobag with a lard crust. This should be blamed on the individual though, or everyone gets taxed up the behind.
October 24th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Having the military run by corporations may be one of the most stupid ideas I’ve ever heard in my life.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Louis Farrakhan is right - I often find that my day is not complete without a spot of light-hearted murder before bedtime.
October 24th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Robert..life goes on. It blows Mother Teresa didn’t do everything we expected. Can you give us a break? Can you tell us anything good? I ..and everyone.. know how much we blow. Can you find good stuff? Is there a way you could not insult us? Does anyone’s life change? I’m pretty sure..
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
And has anyone mentioned that Hitchens also supported, and still supports the Iraq war? I’d drop him for playing that tune alone.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Pouring more gasoline on the whole Mother Theresa thing; she was human. Writing a negative book about her? As you will. There are plenty of people that history has treated far too kindly. But naming that book Missionary Position? That crosses the line from “wanting to tell the truth” to “being an attention whore.”
Even disregarding that, from a purely tactical standpoint, dumping Hitchens and his ilk would be in Obama’s best interests. Lose a few of Hitchen’s fanboys (what’re they gonna do, vote McCain?) and earn the love of religious moderates who, while considering themselves Christians, have their doubts about things like Earth being made in seven days, gays being the spawn of Satan, et cetera. Even moderate religious types don’t like antitheists.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Did anyone notice how the comment at the top says “edit”? Maybe because he is an administrator on the website or something, but maybe they planted it. I’m open to different conclusions, just pointing that out.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
GTT is saying be open to everything. And spread joy.
Those alone should keep you out of hell.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:37 pm
WOW… Some people should really get a grip.
My two cents? Dont believe everything you read (or everything people tell you for that matter). Read DIFFERING points of view (not only those that match your pre-conceived notions), put yourselves in other people shoes. You all bash religion but the Bible does have a pretty handy quote: LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE.
@Panzer-Stier Ross: I agree with you. That chick has some seriously lopsided boobies!! One is MUCH bigger than the other!
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
for all of you who continued to spew hate…asdfasdf pretty much ripped you guys a new one. I just wonder if you guys are willing to admit it to yourselves or straight up holdon caulfield it…
also, I think dave might not like muslims…now that’s some extreme hate. keep it up.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
@Ross..I live in a bikini. It’s the first thing I put on every morning. I don’t loathe my own boobs; no major complaints, so far. But the boobs depicted have such firmness. Suppleness. Bikini-ready. (Note to boys: we all hate our own boobs.)
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I’m impressed. You have united both sides of the isles and now the far right and far left both hate you. Kudos sir. Also how dare you make comedic remarks about anything anybody believes in.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Josie, why do you wish your boobs look like that? They look more like plastic compound than silicon.
Shame on you Swaim, you promised us decent boobies and instead we got some wierd melonball tits.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
That painting will eat you, and you will welcome it, for while you are nestled within its shrieking, twisting bowels, you are unable to gaze upon its visage, which is horrible.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
If you don’t like Christopher Hitchens, it’s because you’re a stupid whiny bitch who can’t read.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I really like how the Mccain article got 1100 diggs, yet this one doesnt break a hundred. Digg sucks.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
What’s really weird, is that as I speak Obama is a block and a half away from where I live, with his grandmother.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Wow, people. Chillax. Although I did learn lots today in the hour it took me to read Michael and his entourage, I find myself, too, preferring to talk about those boobs. I wished mine looked like that [sigh.]
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
No honest Canadian would claim we have a better healthcare system? If our government tried to switch to the American system the parliament buildings would get burned down.
Since most of us aren’t retarded our politicians dont try to use the word “socialism” as some kind of red menace boogeyword
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I’m a real Canadian, and I don;t know of a single Canadian who wouldn’t claim that we have better health services. Have you ever met a Canadian? Check this out; 47 million Americans don’t have any health coverage, including 9 million children. Over a hundred million just get shitty coverage. 18 000 Americans die every year because they can;t get access to health care. The only Canadians that happens to live in the Arctic.
America is 19th in the world for infant mortality. Plus, you pay more than we do on average for the health care you do get. No one in Canada goes bankrupt because they can’t pay their medical bills.
Universal Healthcare is great for our economy. Whenever a North American company needs educated workers, whenever they’re looking to build a factory, or shoot a movie, they have to take into account the fact that in this country, they don;t have to pay for the healthcare benefits for all of their employees.
Have you ever met a Canadian?
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
“A country in a state of Anarchy is prefereable to me. ”
Yeah, Somalia was a real garden spot in the Nineties, for instance.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Both the mccain and obama endorsement articles were hilarious. Mosie badly wants universalized healthcare, and argued Canada has better health service than the US, something no honest Canadian will claim. Obama will try to get Mosie some free healthcare, and our economy will collapse, because we can’t disburse our money to cover all those obese people. If you argue, you are failing to notice that you are obese. Kingmonkey is 50 cent, btw.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
i’m an Obama supporter and i found this pretty funny.
also, i’m liberal and i think that micheal moore is a piece of shit.
GLOCK THE VOTE!
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
@kingmonkey
You forgot to mention that you should kill yourself.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 am
Dear Michael Swaim,
Everything you write is wrong and you suck and are stupid and even though I read every article you write it is for the sole purpose of reconfirming how much I hate you.
Love,
Devoted reader who continues to read despite never having anything nice to say.
(Did I miss anything?)
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Christopher Hitchens is similar to the neoconservatives in Washington in that he used to be a communist. Also could you please cite some actual examples of times when Michael moore has Lied. and lastly maybe you should actually read Hitchens book about mother theresa before you pass judgement on it.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:25 am
Dear Michael Swaim,
While you’re correct that Ma’ Teresa is LITERALLY a saint, that really doesn’t mean much when compaired against the track records of others declaired Saint. But just FYI Teresa’s “unsaintly” activities included (and are not limited to):
-Making sure that her hospitals were stocked with bibles but not proper medical supplies or pain killers.
-Accepting money and gifts from tyranical dictators.
-Claiming all Irish people who voted to lift the constitutional ban on DIVORCE (yes, divorce was officially banned there) would go to HELL.
So yeah, maybe you should try doing your research on a person on places OTHER than WIKIPEDIA.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:21 am
I have to shed a tear.
Dennis Hopper is one of my heroes, and I thought he had switched to the dark side long ago (but I still loved him).
But he’s for Obama!
*snif*
You don’t even have half of the things that are insane about Dennis Hopper. He blew himself with dynamite. He once left his hostel room and was found wandering naked across mexican roads. He pictured convincing madmen in two great 1986 films - Blue Velvet and Texan Chainsaw Massacre II. He stated that when he was filming Easy Rider, he took fourty bottle of beer, two bottles of whisky a day, massive amount of pot, and needed two grams of cocaine to stand (or else he’d have crumbled).
Dennis Hopper is one of the most awesome person ever.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Yes, the presidential election is important, as it will determine the direction in which Americas policies will be shaped over the next four years, and when you choose who to vote for you should not forget to take into account that you’re not just voting for the policies of Obama or McCain, but also for the policies of everyone they’ll appoint to the plethora of decision making posts within the government, so when you vote for the president, you’re voting for the party- if you hate McCain but agree with republican policies, vote for him, and vise versa, or find a third party whose views you share and vote for them.
But it’s just as important, if not more so, that you pay attention to the people that you vote for in the local elections-mayor, city council, state senate, etc, as these are the people who will be legislating a great deal more issues that will more directly affect you. Plus, the local and state government candidates don’t need nearly as much money to run as the Federal people, and so are more likely to faithfully represent their constituents rather than the people / companies / organizations who funded their campaign. And if they don’t, they’re local, so go to their office and talk to them about it. Remember, government of the people, for the people, and by the people only really works if people get involved.
I’m Jorn the Younger, and I approved this message. Because I wrote it.
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:28 am
yeah, i get it. you gotta pander to the mccain nutsos. while listing people obama clearly has no control over, it should be fair to point out that if he were still alive, its safe to assume that Ted Bundy (the serial killer) would have endorsed John McCain, being a wacky Republican like he was. John Wayne Gacy probably would also.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:40 am
While Cowgirl does have a compelling campaign, I’m still voting for Tits the Nun.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hey, Lily:
Ah-so, once again, it comes down to, “He’s black-he MUST be our next president for no other reason! Woo hoo! That’s as racists as saying that McCain should win because he’s white.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:12 am
good point about all the crazies. but i still want obama to win i mean the americans had a hard decision to make a “white woman” a “black dude” or a ‘white dick” they got rid of the most outragous one
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:25 am
“butthurt” If anyone used chanspeak on me In real life I would spit in their face
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:13 am
I have to question the intelligence of most Cracked commentors, I’ve never seen such butthurt responses before. The article is a joke and Swaim in no way expressed his actual views, he said things hoping to make people chuckle. Remember that next time you bang at your keyboard in anger like an animal.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:04 am
I’d rather talk about the wierd boob lady.
They look like those fake plastic chests you can buy from joke shops.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
ak76: A country in a state of Anarchy is prefereable to me. Definately. I know that sounds like immature or not thought through sentiments, but I prefere to live in a world where people can choose anything and everything. Naturally pack- err, I mean, society- life is better for most people, but once this leads to any single leader it begins to loose it’s goodness. There’s no such thing as an uncorrupted leader.
But most people feel more secure in a grouped society, and for that I don’t blame them.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:33 am
o’reilly and limbaugh liars? you forgot franken and mahr and penn and streisand and clooney and pitt and whitaker… oh wait they don’t lie about obama so it doesn’t count i guess!
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 am
“I made an analogy therefore your argument is rufuted”
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:08 am
The idea of health care being run for profit is no more insane than the idea of selling food for profit.
The idea that a country in a state of anarchy is preferable to anyone is, however, insane. A civilized society is not the same as socialism.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:02 am
The idea of health care being run for profit is insane
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 am
Not only have the republican governments spent shitloads of money compared to the democrats (so much for a “small government”), the healthcare in the US costs twice as much per capita compared to any other western country and still provides less.
So the very few arguments for the republicans really fail based on reality.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 am
That lady in the cowboy hat has weird, asymmetrical boobs. Like her surgery was done by a blind David Reyes.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:51 am
Chad, you and Joe the plumber should jerk each other out and cry out Socialism! when you cum
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:04 am
To: Alan Graves
Wait, you said that’s a problem… what’s the problem?
I work for my money and take care of myself. If everyone else did the same we’d be fine and i wouldn’t have to lose 30% of my income to lazy parasites.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 am
No, you would lose 30% of your income to other taxes. And fyi.. if everyone worked and consumed, all prices would go up and you would not be able to afford the stuff you have now. You would have to put everything on credit.. luckily that will never collapse..
Oh, wait.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 am
Problem is that the same idiots who rant about the survival of the fittest and if youre poor thats your own damn fault, “Ive just read Nietzsche and atlas shrugged” on the internet, are the same people running your country who say their tax cuts for the rich are for the common good
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 am
*******************************************I am Rose, a sexy and beautiful model. Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find whatever your need. i am just in the beginning of my career and want to find a rich man, so i uploaded my hot and even nude photos on http://www.meetingblack.com . under the name paris2008, maybe you want to check out my photos firstly!!!!!!!*******************************************
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:22 am
Actually, mother teresa did not deserve to be a saint, she believed that suffering was the greatest way to get closer to god. Many of her “hospitals” and sick houses were merely places for the sick to live and pray, and she took no real action to heal them.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:36 am
Michael: Nice article, but, you should reconsider what you say up there about Sicko, maybe the guy exaggerated a little, but thats how he gets people to pay attention to what’s happening.
=======================================
And then, when they find out they were lied too, “the people” never trust the source again.
Good work.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:11 am
Michael: Nice article, but, you should reconsider what you say up there about Sicko, maybe the guy exaggerated a little, but thats how he gets people to pay attention to what’s happening.
I live in Argentina, is not Canada, it is not France, a f@#$ing 3rd world country and yet our health system is better than yours, or a least what Moore describes in his documentary.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Yeah, these are all pretty bad…but I think McCain wins the “worst endorsement” award with Tran Trong Duyet.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Hitler was a great man.
I mean, a little misguided, a little meglomaniac, but his heart was in the right place.
Besides, dude could make women orgasm by just talking to a crowd. Orgasm by the power of voice. How many guys want that skill? Seriously, it’s better than being Barry White. You’ll get laid all over town.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
So what do you propose? No taxes? Strict survival of the fittest? Every man for themselves? Let those who were born disadvantaged, live, struggle, and die in poverty with no means of a way out?
and are you really saying that government shouldn’t provide its people with things like safe roads, good schools, and established an infrastructure?
America was founded on the principles of freedom and morality, and if we are to uphold those standards, we can not sit by and watch as the homeless die in the streets and people are not provided with appropriate medical care.
bottom line is, those that are rich can afford to pay higher taxes, and those in the middle class desperately need a tax break in order to restore some living standards.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
In all due respect, Obama actually had the balls to distance himself from alot of well known suporters and sacrifice some steam that way. McCain so far is basically not agreeing with those folks, but will let it slide.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 pm
anti religion and anti god are two very different things cracked
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Cowgirl Tits ‘08 !!!
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I’ve read more Cracked than the bible. I feel terrible and enlightened at the same time.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Yeah James every country is socialist. It’s not right to steal money from people for any of those things.
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:20 pm
If you believe that “A state that “provides things” to some of its citizens by taking them from other citizens is, in fact, socialism.” then you believe that every country that taxes its citizens in order to build schools, roads, and other such projects, including subsidized housing and minimum wage, then nearly every country on this planet would be socialist.
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I hope you don’t really think that Al Qaeda wants McCain to win. That would be ignorant of them. They know what happened when they endorsed Kerry 4 years ago. The entire Muslim world is hoping Obama wins. It’s not a coincidence (if not a crime as well) that 200 million dollars was donated to Obama’s campaign via the Bank of Saudia Arabia.
This country deserves what it gets if Obama is elected.
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:25 pm
To be fair, Al Quaida just endorsed John McCain on Monday.
Too late for the list, but yeah, that’s a pretty big deal.
Link: http://www.thenation.com/blogs/dreyfuss/374759
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Remember stop thinking for yourselves and vote for Obama. Also support him and the left-wing Democrats’ quest to re-instate the so-called “Fairness Doctrine” so they can shut down all that “hate speech” they don’t like.
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
@DOB: Haruhi may have been referring to one of your comments from the last debate liveblog.
“10:36 PM Dan O’Brien - Fuck politics. Come Friday, I’m getting back to my roots. I hope you bastards are ready for a column about Hannah Montana, because that’s what I’m gonna talk about. ”
We could use something to break the tension around here. So please stop being a tease and cough up a Hate-On-Hanna article already.
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:58 pm
http://www.TOKILLFOR.com
take it. oh yeah. vote Obama!
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
You got something to say to me, Haruhi?
October 22nd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Ouch, this new font is painful.
Also, I’m glad to see that, unlike DOB, swaim can keep a promise.
As for the content of the article, humourous stuff, even if I con’t care about the US election
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Oh man, be careful not to offend the close, fundamentalist follwers of Christopher Hitchens
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I read through all the comments on the article about McCain because they were so retarded and I thought it would be interesting to see if obama supporters descended on this one in a similar manner (like an illogical horde of semi-literate clowns).
To their credit they did not.
Obama ‘08
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Dude… Rapcon…
“not to mention mother teressa was literally a escape-goat for the catholic church when they were geting sued for all those priest pedophiles”
That is the most poorly-constructed sentence I have ever read in my entire life.
That would be like me saying, “meanwhile bIll clIntenn excepted bribes from aliens and the stain on monica lewinnnnsky’s dress was actually dark matter.”
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Brilliant as always, Stop! In the Swaim of Love.
That having been said, I am a questionable supporter of the Swaim/O’Brien campaign. Where’s MY list?
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Dear lord, you are a herd of ‘tards.
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Mother Terressa took money from warlords in africa that stole it by murdering thousands of innocent people,
then she used all the money to build churchs and these nun monastary things.
not hospitals, and the hospitals that were there she made them get rid of the beds and put mats on the floors because “suffering brings people closer to christ”
so while everyone suffers in india, mother teressa is in her nice indian church.
not to mention mother teressa was literally a escape-goat for the catholic church when they were geting sued for all those priest pedophiles,
thats why the pope changed the requirment for two miracles after death to one, and the one miracle that she DID do was claimed by a crazy woman who said mother terssa healed her tumour.
oh yeah, and her husband says that its all lie and she acually just went to the doctors and they operated…
October 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
And BOOM goes the internet.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
you didn’t have to go this far with me. if ted kennedy is for something you can bank on me being against it.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Hamas is supporting Obama, and McCain now has the Al Qaeda endorsement. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/21/AR2008102102477.html?sub=AR
This election rocks!
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
“As far as a private military thats just nuts. It’s crazy because right now the system is pretty simple in theory the president is the commander in chief and defines overall strategy with input from his advisors and top generals (with congressional approval to goto war) generals determine how to make the strategy work. It’s simple the president give the orders and the military does it. If you privatize it then you add a layer of people who have a different motive, which is profit. Just look at how much money has gone missing in the Iraq war, contractors have “misplaced” billions. It would drastically reduce the military capabilities because no corporation is going to want to invest the insane amount that things like aircraft carries cost. It’s also a huge waste since we already have a lot (I’d have to imagine several trillion dollars) invested in our military infrastructure.”
We’ve already begun the process of privatizing the military. It’s called Blackwater. We’ve outsourced a large portion of the Iraq War to private military contractors and sub-contractors like Blackwater, to the point that they have as many people in that country as we do (more if all contractors and sub-contractors are totaled). Part of the reason for that is that they aren’t bound by Geneva like we are so they can get away with a hell of a lot more. Another reason, like you said, is that they’re only after a profit. So we pay them to aid us and do a lot of things we can’t.
As time goes on, we’re going to see companies like Blackwater taking on a larger role in international politics while militaries for the actual nations themselves take on a smaller role. I mean, which is easier — hire glorified mercenaries to do your work for you, or go to the expense of training, feeding, housing, and maintaining your own military? The fact is that the United States military is practically a socialist military at this point, with the government covering expenses for every aspect of a soldier’s life. That’s expensive. Why not just focus on things like aviation and long-range missile technology, which would allow us to attack a nation from a distance? If that doesn’t work, we give a government contract to a group like Blackwater to clean up whatever’s left over.
I’m not advocating we do that because it obviously shifts the power structure away from the nation to the corporation and it opens up an entire quagmire as it relates to ethics, but it seems a hell of a lot easier to manage financially. And with the American public easily swayed by the images of dead young soldiers, it seems more feasible to send a faceless entity into an armed conflict than it does to send our own men and women. No one really seems to care when a military contractor dies, or at least not as much as when a soldier does. So it just seems easier to think we would privatize at least a portion of our military to allow ourselves to get into more conflicts, which unfortunately seems to be where we’re headed with neocons salivating at thought of Iran on the horizon.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
“Wanktastic:
GRRR GROWLING REMARKS, FLAME REMARKS GRRR ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY DEFEND CRACKED ROWWWWWWWR.
I can speak fluent internet asshole as you can see. My accent is atrocious though.”
Ok first off I’ll disregard the fact that the first sentence is incoherent, but it’s spelled roar not rowwwwwwwwr, learn how to spell jackass. It’s like you don’t even think for yourself, go read books about it. Do any research and you’ll see thats how its spelled. I for one think that “rowwwwwwwwr” is complete and utter bullshit and anyone who beleives in something like that needs to get their facts straight
see what i did there?
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Michael Moore = “lefty” schill. The O’reily of the left.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
GOD FORBID ANYONE UPSET THE MESSIAH AND HIS FOLLOWERS! YOU WILL NOT STAND NEXT TO US IN HEAVEN, NON-BELIEVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahh, the cult of Obama is strong!
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
VOTE TITS THE NUN FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Great article all in all, Swaim.
But you really should read Hitchens’s work on Mother Theresa. She was in no way, metaphorically or literally, a saint.
I’ll agree that Hitchens is not a very humble and well-mannered person to argue with, but he makes a habit of backing up his assertions. Which is quite a bit mora than you could say about the people that made Mother Theresa a saint.
October 22nd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Mosie O’Moorenell is man-bear-pig
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Thats why i say Vote Colbert! haha
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“And for the record I give Mccain (not Palin) some credit because at one of his rallies a woman started saying Obama was an arab and yadda yadda yadda and Mccain took the mic back and said “No ma’am, he’s not, he’s a decent family man” One whom I just have disagreements with.”
How about “No ma’am, whether or not he’s an Arab (you know, that ethnic group comprising over three million people in the US) has absolutely nothing to do with it. Arabs are not evil, terrorists are.”
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
A state that “provides things” to some of its citizens by taking them from other citizens is, in fact, socialism. You might want to read The Road to Serfdom by F.A. Hayek.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
A social state isn’t socialism…a social state, or wellfare state, is one that provides things such as wellfare, social security, minimum wage and such to its citizens. It is concerned with the citizens wellfare in these ways.
Socialism is a state where everybody works for the collective good, all resources are owned by the state, and redistributed to the citizens. so not the same thing at all.
do you even read the words before your write them?
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
It’s a FUNNY article.
Everyone who has a problem with this, please do the following:
1) Pause in your day to day life.
2) Reach behind your (presumably dimply) rear end.
3) Grab that stick (you might have to dig, some of you it waaay up there).
4) PULL IT OUT.
Relaxed now? Thought so.
Kudos to the article.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I’d rather read a funny article than one that doesn’t offend the clusterfuck you guys call a comments section. Good article.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
A “social state” is not “socialism?”
Do you even read the words you write, or do just find yourself drifting in and out?
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
“Veaudaux I think you’re getting a little too politically hyped for a Cracked comment section even though I agree with you.”
Yeah, I’m totally being “that guy”, and I appreciate you calling me on it. From here on out, it’s all dick jokes. One last thing though -
“if you actually believe that police didn’t show up for hours after the 9/11 attack”
Bwahaha, there’s a BIG difference between 9/11 and 911. 9/11 being the date of big ratings for news networks, and 911 being the telephone number for emergency services in most areas of the US.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I wish Dennis Hopper could become president. I mean i already have him telling me what to do as the voice on my GPS, a download from Navtones.com. They do real celebrities for your GPS and Dennis Hopper is just one of them. Dennis for president, you heard it here first!
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I DID forget that CoMa7oSe. That’s a really good one.
And DoPa, I’m sure his book has a lot of valid points. I don’t know enough about MT to claim she’s great or terrible. I’m just saying that it’s not good for a campaign to be associated with knocking her. Like it or not, MOST people still consider her a saint of epic proportions. whether she deserves that acclaim is a separate issue.
And Flor, Moore=Limbaugh is not a bullshit equivalency. Moore is just as manipulative of facts (if subtler) and values his cause above the truth. To me, that puts them in the same camp. Which is to say, the camp of people whose statements I can’t trust. He might be less despicable to me, but that’s really just a result of my own bias against archconservatives. Just because I WISH Moore’s statements were true (because I lean more to his side than Limbaugh’s) doesn’t mean that he’s not misleading me.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
“I don’t expect Obama to “change the world” but I do believe he’s better for this country than John Mccain ”
Well, having read through Obama’s tax proposals, I can predict that if he wins and gets a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, everyone who a) has a job that pays mroe than minimum wage or b) owns or aspires to own a small business is screwed beyond recovery. The really rich, of course, don’t draw a paycheck and can hide their money offshore. The middle class is going to disappear if Obama wins. The rest of us will be equal, of course — equally broke. Why, just today House Democrats have proposed that people not be allowed to put money in their 401K before taxes are taken out, and that workers should be REQUIRED to invest 5% of their pay into a government account earning 3%. Three percent. That’s your future if the Obamessiah wins. Not that McLame would be a whole lot better, of course. We’re gonna be in deep shit either way.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
What? no nun tits?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 pm
You forgot the part where Farrahkan believes the caucasian race was created by an evil scientist.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:34 pm
“…that everywhere in the world except America, pregnant mothers are paid small fortunes to take off work for two years and get waited on hand and foot by trained government nannies who are also the world’s top neurosurgeons.”
Dude, U.S. is “land of plenty”. You’ve just spent 1 trillion to save some rich asses. You should be able to provide a much better health care system. Social state is not socialism and it is not that harmful.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Hitchens’ Missionary Position is a rather well-researched book. Beatification does not preclude being a beast or in MT’s case a horrible media hungry poverty entrenching wench. The next time someone says Mother Theresa is their role model ask them why. Somehow MT became a symbol when few had any friggin idea what she stood for. None! . . . In fact, that is a bit like Obama. Oooooh, I just went there. I just said it. ssssssizzle. But I’m still voting for him just so no one can say things would’ve been better if only “Big O” had won. Well that is one reason another is that JM is an elderly mirror image of Obama. I would rather vote for Christopher Hitchens any day. Religion sorely needs to be criticized. Religion is an utterly vulgar, backwards, stultifying pursuit in any of its guises, whether Christian, Protestant or Wiggan.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Phil Spector made Johnny Ramone re-play the intro to Rock N Roll High School, not Dee Dee. That is all I have to contribute.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
“I’m saying if you’re voting for Mccain for the sole fact that you THINK Obama is a muslim (he’s christian) you are racist”
First, Muslim is not a race. Second, I sincerely hope no one’s voting for or against anyone based on race, religion or gender. I’m not voting for either Obama or McCain, but that’s because they’re both weasels, and it’s okay to be a species-ist. Third, while Obama was once registered by his father as a Muslim at some Indonesian school when he was just a little kid, he is not a Muslim now. Of course, if he rejected Farrakhan and his “ice cream parlor” religion’s endorsement, no one would be wondering about whether he is really a member of the Nation of Islam. Not that Wright’s church is the most “heartland American values” kind of environment in which to bring up your kids, either. But as an agnostic, I don’t care about the President’s religion as long as he doesn’t try to make it the Official Church of America.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Cavalier X, I would much rather vote for Ron Paul (had he won the republican nomination I’d be torn nowadays) and I agree they are both political tools. I don’t expect Obama to “change the world” but I do believe he’s better for this country than John Mccain (whom I respected back in 2000) I laughed at the species-ist comment. I must say though, I was rather happy to discover you’re agnostic (as am I)
“But as an agnostic, I don’t care about the President’s religion as long as he doesn’t try to make it the Official Church of America.”
That’s what it’s all about.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Hmm.
Y’know, I always thought that Hamas wanted Obama to win because he’d pursue the Iraq War much less fastidiously than McCain. Bascially, they thought he’d be more of a pushover.
I guess I could be wrong. I can admit that I don’t really know the ins and outs of the situation.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Really? Dennis Hopper supports Obama?
Whod have thunk?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Cavalier X, I would much rather vote for Ron Paul (had he won the republican nomination I’d be torn nowadays) and I agree they are both political tools. I don’t expect Obama to “change the world” but I do believe he’s better for this country than John Mccain (whom I respected back in 2000) I laughed at the species-ist comment. I must say though, I was rather happy to discover you’re agnostic (as am I)
“But as an agnostic, I don’t care about the President’s religion as long as he doesn’t try to make it the Official Church of America.”
That’s what it’s all about.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
wanktastic….. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions..even the naive,ignorant, and idiotic (however warped those opinions may be) The educated must just learn tolerance! hehe
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Wanktastic:
GRRR GROWLING REMARKS, FLAME REMARKS GRRR ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY DEFEND CRACKED ROWWWWWWWR.
I can speak fluent internet asshole as you can see. My accent is atrocious though.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
And for the record I give Mccain (not Palin) some credit because at one of his rallies a woman started saying Obama was an arab and yadda yadda yadda and Mccain took the mic back and said “No ma’am, he’s not, he’s a decent family man” One whom I just have disagreements with. Mccain knows what he’s doing, he just unleashed an unholy monster in Sarah Palin (which despite what he says, he never wanted to pick her, it was his campaign advisers move,he only knew of her 2 days before he selected her)
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Stopped reading after the first two entries. I’m aware there are many idiots in the democratic party and I can certainly laugh at them but the false equivalency bullshit between Moore and Limbaught, as well as the basic ignorance about what a terrible, sadistic person Mother Theresa was (she enjoyed seeing people suffering because it brought them “closer to Christ”. Literally.) just pisses me off. But hey, it’s only a comedy website right?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
“Mccain/Palin are driving a huge RACIAL wedge”
Really? Last time I checked, no one was saying that anyone who doesn’t vote for McCain MUST be a racist.
And I’m not saying if you vote for Mccain you are a racist…I’m saying if you’re voting for Mccain for the sole fact that you THINK Obama is a muslim (he’s christian) you are racist…Nowhere in the constitution does it say a Muslim can’t be president…Too many people have it in there heads that you have to be christian/protestant to be president…Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were ATHEISTS!
If you vote for Mccain for educated reasons not based on lies, kudos to you.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
now for some FACTS!
HAMAS itself never “endorsed” Obama,Ahmed Yousef said they “liked him and hoped he won”. That is not an endorsement. People ALL OVER THE WORLD like Barack Obama and hope he wins, is he supposed to “denounce” everybody for liking him? Stupid thinking
With that logic, Bush wants Mccain to win..Bush in my mind is no better than Hitler and is responsible for over 1 million Iraqi deaths….why hasn’t Mccain denounced Bush?
The coin has two sides but I can keep going and proving you wrong:
“Obama’s comments have confirmed that there will be no change in the U.S. administration’s foreign policy on the Arab-Israeli conflict,” Hamas official Sami Abu Zuhri told Reuters in Gaza.
“The Democratic and Republican parties support totally the Israeli occupation at the expense of the interests and rights of Arabs and Palestinians,” he said.
“Hamas does not differentiate between the two presidential candidates, Obama and McCain, because their policies regarding the Arab-Israel conflict are the same and are hostile to us, therefore we do have no preference and are not wishing for either of them to win,” Zuhri said.
From Reuters: http://blogs.reuters.com/trail08/2008/06/04/hamas-unendorses-obama-after-speech-to-pro-israel-lobby/
NEXTLY, you say you would tell them to lay down their weapons to survive your presidency?? So you would attack a government establishment because of its positions? I can tell you are for Mccain because this is the same ideology he would use and it only leads to more wars and more deaths.
Mccain has said in his OWN BOOKS he has the utmost respect for Colin Powell and who did Powell endorse? Oh that’s right!
Anything else?
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
The most amusing thing about Chris Hithens, in my mind, is the fact that his brother is a far-right wing Christian fundamentalist who has used his Daily Mail column to attack virtually everyone except for Alexander Solzhenitsyn and the film Wall E (keep in mind that this is the paper that has printed headlines claiming that abortion of “gay foetuses” would be morally just).
Christopher Hitchens, surprisingly, writes a weekly column for the Sunday Express, which is probably the second most right-wing mainstream tabloid in Britain.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:57 am
“Mccain/Palin are driving a huge RACIAL wedge”
Really? Last time I checked, no one was saying that anyone who doesn’t vote for McCain MUST be a racist.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:57 am
Stopped reading at the Christopher Hitchens one. Slamming “popular” people does not make someone insane or elitist, you anti-intellectual scumbag. “I don’t care how well-reasoned your arguments are”? Seriously? How dare he come up with his own ideas based on actual facts rather than just going along with the hivemind bullshit, you tool. Maybe you should actually READ the Missionary Position before spewing retarded ignorant shit all over the internet.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:55 am
“Cavalier X that is totally conceivable, how is one supposed to control what others around the world think of him?”
If I were running for President and Hamas endorsed me, I’d immediately say “I reject the endorsement of Hamas, and call upon them to lay down their arms and renounce terrorism if they want to survive my presidency.” But I guess that’s just me.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
damn, there is a lot of hate coming from these responses…
I love it. The fiddy endorsement probably sealed the Philly vote. Though it is still not as badass as John Street’s campain, “Keep it Street.” No joke….
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
Cavalier X that is totally conceivable, how is one supposed to control what others around the world think of him? So if Robert Mugabe, Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez all endorse John Mccain what then??? TooL
KINTE, I’m an avid Obama supporter and do not think like that at all and every Obama supporter I know does not think that way either…Don’t know where you get this crap from….
SKOOBA, you’re racist trash and I’d be glad to assasinate you.
MAVE, I’ve come to realize critical thinking is too hard a task for about 80% of this country…hence why George Bush was elected.
Don’t understand how Obama is trying to unite everyone in this country together, whereas Mccain/Palin are driving a huge RACIAL wedge and yet Obama is the bad guy??
Oh yea, one more thing, if Obama is such a “terrorist” or is “pals” with them and Mccain “really” believes this….Why were they at dinner together roasting and joking around with each other, meanwhile sitting an arms distance away from each other….On a technicality, is this not “palling around with terrorists” ?? Wake up and smell the coffee people.
And lastly, this was a very funny article!
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
“It’s also a little weird to constantly say someone’s middle name. You rarely hear anyone saying John Sidney McCain.”
You can say that with a straight face after eight years of “Dubya?”
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:43 am
I’m surprised Don Omar didn’t make the list. He’s one of Daddy Yankee’s “Reggaeton” contemporaries. In fact, the two of them feuded for a while.
Plus, he was arrested (and later found innocent) of drug and firearms possession.
Also, he calls himself the “King of Kings”. That’s not a proclamation of being Christ, that’s a reference to him being the best “reggaeton” artist that ever was, and ever will be (ego much?). But, well, it’s still there.
So, you got the gangsta, you got the sacrilegious; oh… Did I fail to mention that, despite his desire to appear street, he’s actually softer than Ja Rule?
Well, he is.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Hitchens isn’t a bad endorsement because he’s antitheist, or because he wrote a book that was unkind to Mother Theresa. He’s a bad endorsement because he’s an obnoxious, egotistical blowhard. Frankly, his taking on the Mother Theresa mythos is, relatively speaking, one of the really admirable things about him.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
apparently I don’t need to do any research, I can base my vote on what I read here!….
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:38 am
CavalierX, it’s not that people aren’t allowed to use his middle name. It’s just that the Christian fundementalists always say shit like Barrack HUSSEIN Obama. It’s also a little weird to constantly say someone’s middle name. You rarely hear anyone saying John Sidney McCain.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 am
That last one was the best. There’s nothing that should freak people out more than hearing Hamas endorsing the Obamessiah. In case anyone’s wondering, Obama’s response to Yousef’s praise was, “It’s conceivable that there are those in the Arab world who say to themselves, ‘This is a guy who spent some time in the Muslim world, has a middle name of Hussein and appears more worldly and has called for talks with people, and so he’s not going to be engaging in the same sort of cowboy diplomacy as George Bush.’” So I guess we’re allowed to use his middle name again?
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:04 am
“Exactly. Because Law Enforcement Inc isn’t going to want to lose the government contract, and is going to look for ways to do things better for cheaper. Right now, the military, the police force, and the fire department are essentially government-funded monopolies. If you don’t like how they do it, it doesn’t matter, because you don’t have a choice. And that’s why Flava Flav writes songs about calling 911 and the cops not showing up until hours later. That’s why racial profiling, police brutality and immortal interrogation practices are STILL a problem.
The only reason the medical system is in such a slump is ridiculous government regulations combined with a deluge of frivolous malpractice suits from a litigious society have prevented a Wal-Mart Medical Center from springing up. One ubiquitous discount chain hospital is all it would take to give the local hospitals some competition, and bring medical treatment prices back to a reasonable level.”
So are you stoned or what? How exactly would privatizing our police force stop police brutality or immoral interrogation practices, if anything I’d imagine they’d increase because a corporation isn’t going to want to spend money in little things like Internal Affairs departments that would cut into their profits and we cant have that. I also love how you site Flava Flav as a source, if you actually believe that police didn’t show up for hours after the 9/11 attack I feel sad for you and maybe you should try getting your news from something other than rap lyrics. Why don’t you check and see how many police and firefighters died in the towers because they were trying to help evacuate people.
As far as a private military thats just nuts. It’s crazy because right now the system is pretty simple in theory the president is the commander in chief and defines overall strategy with input from his advisors and top generals (with congressional approval to goto war) generals determine how to make the strategy work. It’s simple the president give the orders and the military does it. If you privatize it then you add a layer of people who have a different motive, which is profit. Just look at how much money has gone missing in the Iraq war, contractors have “misplaced” billions. It would drastically reduce the military capabilities because no corporation is going to want to invest the insane amount that things like aircraft carries cost. It’s also a huge waste since we already have a lot (I’d have to imagine several trillion dollars) invested in our military infrastructure.
The real danger in all of this is what if a few of these contractors get together and decide they don’t want 20 million from the city to do the police work this year, they want 30. Sure thats extortion and is illegal but the city cant afford to run without a police department while a long lawsuit runs its course. Imagine the same with our military, all of the sudden we don’t have a military because of corporate greed. Also with the military it would have to be contracted to several large corporations because the job is far too large to be done by any one company. What if each company decides it’s own strategy is best, so nothing does done because theres no one to define a overall strategy. If the president does keep that power then what if a company decides it doesn’t want to risk several billion in equipment and thousands of personnel in a strategy they disagree with so they half-ass it.
I really hope your post was a joke veaudaux.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
“Pretty funny…but really, Mother Teresa was a raging C*NT! The b*tch should have been excuted decades ago for all her crimes against the people she claimed to be helping.”
^— An example of a typical supporter of Obama. Along with Hamas, Raila Odinga, Hezbo’llah, William Ayers and “reverend” Wright, of course. Bet he has a t-shirt with serial killer Ernesto Guevara on it, too.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Mother Theresa was a two bit trick.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
Does the O’Moorenell have 2 penises? or peni if you will.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 am
Actually, I think Spector pointed a loaded crossbow at Leonard Cohen, small difference in weapon, huge difference in crazy.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Mother Theresa was a selfish, delusional cunt.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
See what I do not understand is why Republicans would not exploit these people on the news an in their ads… The Ayers and Wright connections can easily have hole poked in them. While a connection like Farrahkan calling you “the Messiah” is a bit more difficult to run away from.
Although I am not sure if the Hamas endorsement is “the worst”. Yousef compared him to JFK… Wait maybe that is the worst because that could be implying he will be assassinated!
Vote Obama… to see him be assassinated.
Or vote McCain if you do not want to see our beloved nation flushed down the proverbial toilet.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
As many other commenter s have said, Mother Theresa is actually pretty fucked up. There’s tons of strong evidence towards that. As a minor, but very public example, her Nobel peace prize acceptance speech was one long anti-abortion diatribe.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
Pretty funny…but really, Mother Teresa was a raging C*NT!
The b*tch should have been excuted decades ago for all her crimes against the people she claimed to be helping.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Is it me or are some of the people commenting coming across as a vie for a position on the list. What the Cracked Reader endorsement says about the campaign- “Fucking N00B, I took a civics class freshmen year of high school, vote for Obama/Mccain (for some obscure reason).
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
People who write books have agendas; they don’t just decide to write an unbiased, fair, 100% true text for the hell of it. I’m not saying that Mave is necessarily an idiot, but just saying that you can’t trust something just because it’s in a book.
Also, Tits The Nun ‘08, and all that.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 am
“But come on man, writing a whole book ragging on possibly the most beloved dead nun of all time?”
This seems, to me at least, the best argument in favour of a book exploring the issue - unquestioning, uninformed adulation of a religious figure about whom most know very little, other than a vague misguided knowledge of her having something to do with aiding the dying (indeed, by giving them an uncomfortable cot and denying them medical attention), acting as some vague sort of moral compass (such as pleading with Bengali women raped by Pakistanis to not get abortions, or promoting brutal dictators such as Haiti’s Duvalier regime). These alone should seem like perfectly good reasons for such a book.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:10 am
In all fairness Hitchens has a point about Theresa.
http://www.newstatesman.com/200508220019
Some of her centres have been critisized, and she was one of the types who was strongly anti-condoms and other preventatives. She was a biast women who saw the world in her way and accepted no critisism.
While I think she did some good work. She was by no means perfect.
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
Veaudaux I think you’re getting a little too politically hyped for a Cracked comment section even though I agree with you.
Also Mave is funny.
And Swa