A lot of uneducated people look at Mixed Martial Arts as a savage bloodsport between two lunatics. Now normally, I'd argue against this point. After all, anyone who says that violence never solved anything is probably a pussy and causing problems. However, in this week's column I wanted to give the uneducated people and the pussies a break. I wanted to try to see things from their point of view. So I've gone through 20 years of modern gentlemanly combat and found six moments of conduct most ungentlemanly. From post-fight riots to neverending chokes to sucker punches, these are the moments that prove your girlfriend right about this horrible, inhuman karate whatever.
Wes "The Project" Sims vs. Frank Mir
UFC 43: Meltdown
For the first two minutes of this fight, Frank Mir dominated Wes Sims. He was so all over him that it looked like Wes Sims was losing a fight to his own douchebag-faced sweater. Then, as smoothly as if he was posing for a Jiu-Jitsu instructional book, Mir sat on Sims's chest and pulled him into an armbar. Sims had to escape by muscling Mir's entire body into the air and dropping him on his head. Now dropping someone on the top of their head is kind of illegal, but that's not the unsportsmanlike part. The unsportsmanlike part comes when Wes grabs hold of the cage with both hands, which you can't do, and starts furiously stomping on Frank Mir's face. Which you flagrantly can't do even if it's always wordlessly begging for it. It was so illegal that Wes might as well have thrown blinding powder or pulled out a photo of Frank Mir's kidnapped daughter and said, "She's strapped to a bomb that's set to go off when anyone named Wes Sims loses a fight!"
When the referee disqualified him for face stomping, he seemed more annoyed than angry. Almost as if he was explaining to a diabetic child for the fifth time that he's not allowed to drink jam. Wes Sims responded by making a face stupid people make when their mothers drink during pregnancy and walking away with his hands raised. It's possible he simply didn't know what he'd done, like when he snaps the head off one of his rabbits. To this day I don't think he realizes he lost the fight. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that entire fight he thought he was playing laser tag.
Mike Kyle vs. Brian Olsen
WEC 20: Cinco de Mayhem
This started out as a pretty good back-and-forth match until a punch from Brian Olsen knocked all the goodness out of Mike Kyle's heart. Brian Olsen wasn't aiming for his conscience, but he hit it and knocked it out. Newly awakened Dark Kyle responded by ramming a knee in the general direction of Olsen's crotch and then hip throwing him onto the mat. The night demanded that Mike Kyle make the kill, but after several dominant positions with no effective offense, it was clear he wasn't going to be able to do much of anything. It was a stalemate, like a Democratic Congress trying to get to third base with a Mormon horse--nobody is going to be doing anything to anyone until someone decides to throw ethics out the window. So Mike Kyle did. He jumped to his feet and kicked Brian Olsen in his neck while he was down. It actually blurred the line between disqualification and felony assault, which should have been impossible in the middle of something called a "fight."
The referee dove in to stop the fight, but Mike Kyle didn't care. He's of the school of thought where if you get caught stabbing a hooker, you might as well steal her wallet and tell the police that her meth is yours. So as the referee pulled him off, the already disqualified Mike Kyle kept punching and punching Olsen's unconscious head. I suppose when you're clearly going to end up in prison some day, it's never too early to send a message to the other inmates.