So apparently wealthy Russians are paying up to $5,000 a pop to go on pirate hunting vacations. On board yachts manned by heavily armed mercenaries, they cruise around the coast of Africa trying to lure Somalian pirates into attacking them. Should any pirates be foolhardy enough to do so, the Russians then fire a flurry of bullets and explosives at them, who often react to this surprising development by dying. If this sounds to you like wealthy assholes murdering people under the thinnest possible pretense of “self defense,” congratulations on not being a monster. Your parents clearly didn’t fuck up that bad.
Killing people for sport used to be one of our cultures most hallowed touchpoints. From short stories to novels to about 30 different episodes of Star Trek, the premise has been used in dozens of different forms. Which is great, when it’s fiction. Normal healthy people like comedy writers have long learned to enjoy fiction as a release when we have those “I wonder what killing some dudes with a crossbow feels like” moments. So why haven’t the Russians?
It occurred to me that Russians haven’t had nearly the same exposure to Western pop culture that I have, me having been born in a video store and raised by a tape of recorded Knight Rider episodes. So I decided that to help Cracked’s wealthy Russian readership, I’d enumerate the best fictional examples of people being hunted for sport that civilization ever produced on the VHS format. Non-wealthy-Russian readers will derive no pleasure from this at all.
__
Death Race 2000
People hunted for sport: Pedestrians
The low down:
America is a dystopic wasteland in the quaintly old-fashioned futuristic year of 2000. A fascist government led by Mister President (that is his name), keeps the people entertained by staging bloody gladiatorial style contests. The most notable of these contests is the Transcontinental Road Race, where competitors get bonus points for running down innocent pedestrians while driving themed automobiles.
Why it’s awesome:
Well, it’s got men in costumes running down people in themed automobiles. Do I have to continue? All right. Less awesome, but interesting is the presence of Sylvester Stallone, during that part of his career after he stopped doing porn, but before he did Rocky. Also notable is the part of Frankenstein as played by David Carradine, whose recent probable-penis-related death makes enjoying this tale of butchery somewhat more bittersweet.
__
The Running Man
People hunted for sport: Criminals
The low down:
Another one set in a dystopic future, The Running Man focuses on a popular game show where contestants are expected to run and die. Convicted of a crime he didn’t boo-fucking-hoo, Arnold Schwarzenegger is forced to compete in this horrible game, and as you can imagine, is gruesomely killed. Ha, no seriously, it’s Arnold–he tears the place apart and ruins everyone’s fucking day. When you throw a 230-pound Austrian mutant in your death arena, try not to look surprised when he rips your neck out through your ass and says some glib neck related pun to the camera.
Why it’s awesome:
This movie is from back in the day, and back in the day, Arnold was rad, full stop. But aside from Arnie, this movie also featured “stalkers”–hunters who who chase the contestants on the show, and kill them with various themed weapons. Subzero, Buzzkill and Fireball were all lunatics with themes made guessable by the show’s stalker naming conventions. But the true star of the show was Dynamo, a huge tub of hilarity who cruises around the game zone in an armored golf cart, wearing hockey pads with blinking LEDs stuck to them. He’s eventually defeated when he falls over and is unable to right himself. It’s so pathetic that Arnold refuses to kill him. That’s pretty terrible–in 80s movies Arnold rarely walked away from an alive bad guy–he once punched a camel to death for bumping in to him slightly.
__
Hard Target
People hunted for sport: Homeless people
The low down:
Jean Claude Van Damme is a homeless man who, like all homeless men, has a body of banded steel and a magnificent mane of hair. After agreeing to help a female who is probably a reporter, he begins investigating a group of wealthy businessmen who hunt homeless people for sport.
Why it’s awesome:
Those glorious locks of hair for one. This was also Van Damme at his peak, but before he started playing two characters in the same movie–which math tells us should be twice as good, but somehow isn’t. Thanks math. This movie also features Wilford Brimley killing guys with a hunting bow, which makes the film at least twice as badass as Cocoon, Brimley’s previous most badass film.
__
Gymkata
People hunted for sport: Gymnasts
The low down:
An Olympic gymnast is asked by the American government to participate in a deadly competition in the possibly fictional country of Parmistan. The competition, creatively called “The Game,” is a sort of endurance race that features obstacles like ninjas and pitchforks. Our hero uses his twin skills of gymnastics and karate to win the game and kill some asshole who’d been hassling him.
Why it’s awesome:
Here’s a fight scene set in the Pommel Horse Square of a Parmistanian village:
This will be familiar to most foreign readers, but I should mention for any unworldly American readers that Pommel Horse Squares are a common gathering place in many rural European communities, and you should be embarrassed you’d never heard about it until now. Your education system is a joke.
__
The Man with the Golden Gun
People hunted for sport: British Secret Agents
The low down:
Francisco Scaramanga is an assassin with an extra nipple and a taste for bloodsport. At multiple times during the film he hunts people on the grounds of his island in the South China Sea with the help of his pet midget.
Why it’s awesome:
The fact that killing people for sport was the least ridiculous part of that description should tell you how incredible Bond movies of the Roger Moore vintage were. Not bloodsport related, but still awesome: The Man with the Golden Gun has maybe the most impressive car stunt ever, the infamous spiral ramp jump. While dinking around on the Internet I found out that during the 70s, they used to do this shit in front of paying audiences, I guess while everyone was waiting for YouTube to be invented.
__
Predator
People hunted for sport: Wise talking soldiers
The low down:
An alien hunter lands on Earth and begins hunting the Earth’s most powerful warriors, including Conan the Barbarian and Apollo Creed.
Why it’s awesome:
Because it’s fucking Predator, that’s why. Broken down into its discrete elements, it’s got gunplay, a ragtag group of soldiers, an alien and homemade booby traps. This movie won 28 Academy Awards in the imaginary land where I go when I sleep.
__
This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Death, Movies, Pirates XXX. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 20th, 2009 at 9:50 am
AlexTheShark, do you realize you’ve spent hours writing those comments that maybe 4 people will read, and none of those people will ever have any impact on your life?
September 12th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Hey, what’s so bad about killing pirates for sport? I’m just pissed that I didn’t think of it first.
September 9th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Euh… For the two confused guys below, first anime is not my strength, I guess it’s yours if you can somehow relate it to me, you must know that field well. My hobby is car restoration, namely a porsche 944 S2 Conv atm and a Fiero 84 after ( not for cash, for fun ). Second, when it comes to education, I m in university, in chemistry, I am fluent in 5 languages: Bulgarian, French, English, German and Spanish so let just end the calling-names game right here. I am here for rational and educated discussion concerning the above topic, and since none of you tards presented any argument but relied on the ” OMG U SO STUPID LOLZ ” tactic, I am assuming that you just can’t form any.
Now what probably you two tards that addressed me did not understand is that I draw a line to where people can threaten me before I say ” alright, time to fix this issue ” I never said I will go on and sink everything arround me. You see, today, the crowds are dominated by two sorts of people. Moms who cry infront of the parliament like yours, and politicians who whine inside the parliament like you.
Those two groups have one thing in common: lack of balls. Surprised? Well, let’s take a great man from the past, like Winston Churchill. Can you relate any of the guys you see today to him? You probably lacked O2 at birth if you say “yes”. Now would you mind going on the net and reading a few of his quotes? The one for arabs is not well known, yet authentic his. But what about the one of war prisoner? Find that quote. Read it. Understand it. Understand what he meant with that quote. Come back and finish the remaining of this message.
Let me straighten things here: I never hailed for picking the rifle and going on to snipe everyone in sight in Somalia. I said it is totally justified to pretend to be a pray and turn out to be the hunter.
Let me expose this in a quick analogy: take a hot chick that walks down the streets of Detroit dressed pretty lightly, now does that justifies her getting raped? What if she turns out to be armed? If you do not touch her, she will walk her way. If you attempt to rape her, she kills you. Who’s fault? Now if your minds cannot possibly understand that analogy, it’s normal, from what I saw you sound both like the current average person: No balls, no brain, and a big mouth to compensate for.
I am not going here for the authority to decide who lives or who dies. I am going here for destroying whoever attempts to aggress me ( read here: attempts to kill me ). The fact that I am on a ship that looks like a tourist boat does not give them any authority to threaten me. Starting from there, I could practically make the boat from pure gold and I am totally comfortable with shooting at anyone who comes by with the intention to steal it.
Let me take a quick guess about you, tards. Your parents probably skipped that part of your education ( if it’s not all of it ) where you were supposed to learn that you should always be true to your values, which should be:
- Do your best to be the kind of person you would look up to ( of course, in the general sense of the term, the values that make a person what we as society portray as a hero. For further refferences, see the psychological portrait of the Good Guy from any of your dumb Hollywood movies, I know you won’t be like your anime dream hero, since you mentioned you’re into anime stuff, but it would probably work too, a hero is a hero after all, and in the american society they are all shaped in the same mold as Batman ).
- Rationalize and question everything ( yes, even the right to shoot at people who want to kill you. I know it sounds pretty hardcore, but try, eventually you’ll be less of a pussy and perhaps you could make some enlightened conclusions )
- Have some balls to stand for your beliefs
- Never hit a woman, not even with a flower ( Bulgarian saying )
Starting from here, you should probably already see that the Somalian pirates got at least two points wrong ( I m assuming the last one too, as I happen to know quite a few people who have done humanitarian help in the black countries down there ), and that you got at least two points wrong, the other two.
Yes, I’ll shoot them down. If they come after me. But but but OMG I was desguised as Little Red Riding Hood. Yeah, and if the wolf comes arround, I got an AK47 under that dress, so he better just do like we all should do: mind his own buisness and walk his way.
Cracked is a very good site for the jokes, but on the moral side… Here is a perfect exemple I’ll leave you on:
In the article entitled 7 Beloved Celebrities And The Awful Shit You Forgot They Did, they listed Elvis Costello who called two black guys ” niggers ” on par with Dr Dre who beat the bejesus out of a woman. Both with the same motivations. Of course, one can see that saying ” nigger ” concerning two music legends while being DRUNK is the equivalent of a few guys who would fit the former N word pretty well by beating the sh1t of a TV presenter, while being sober, all planned, just because she somehow offended them… While never even interacting with them.
Now weight this argument. I do not expect this to enlighten YOU two tards. I just hope this might ring a bell for at least 1 confused guy out there that isn’t clear about if this article makes sense or not. If this was a private conversation between you two and I, I wouldn’t bother answering.
Alex
August 30th, 2009 at 1:51 am
You should watch Satan’s Little Helper.
Not as mindlessly violent, but the kid being pushed in a shopping cart by Satan (interested yet?) gets bonus points for pregnant ladies, old people, and blind people.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Damn, you gotta watch out for those 230 lbs Austrian mutants, they will fuck your shit up. Then get elected Govna.
I’m a tad confused though, how the hell did Chuck Norris jokes get to be so big when we got ourselves a terminator in office? That shit is AWESOME. Then I remember, 1 in 5 americans have difficulty saying his last name, and about 4 in 5 have no fucking idea how to spell it. Those are made up statistics btw, just in case. Though if you looked on New York Times I’m sure they’ve published something about it, we all know that they speak only the truth, just like Bill Clinton.
Funny article too, I think i just opened the floodgates on some deep rooted Clinton fan base who or some other ridiculous crap that i really just couldn’t give a shit about at the moment. Is there a movie about killing politicians for sport (with the exception of Arnie of course.)? cause i’m pretty sure that would make my day.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:22 am
AlexTheShark - “Yes, killing leaves that bad taste in the mouth that is immoral to seek, BUT killing is a M_U_S_T in some cases. The act of removing life is the act of removing weed”
LOL. You really need to stop watching anime. I can’t imagine that cheese being uttered by an 80’s cartoon villain, let alone by some kid on the internet who is actually expecting to be taken seriously
August 11th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
@ kaage1:
Everyone says that our education system is a joke because 1 in 5 Americans believes the sun revolves around the earth. And now, thanks to that “Pommel Horse Square” part of this article, 1 in 5 American Cracked readers will probably believe that’s a real thing. We’re a nation of morons.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
@”Rachelmcn”
That sounds just like the film Battle Royal
August 11th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I know its not a film, but I just read a great book called “The Hunger Games” where some teens are thrown into a forest arena in order to kill each other by whatever means they wish. The last one living gets to go home and be pampered for a year.
Kinda like Series 7 I guess, only with teens.
All great movies, but I agree, the bad guys need to get some sense in them and start kicking ass
August 11th, 2009 at 8:03 am
I was sad to see the absence of my all-time favorite movie ever; Series 7. It is essentially a charming story of the US that has become so bored with regular reality TV programming, that the geniuses at the network come up with a new plot for a reality show: Pick contestants against their will, force them to kill the other contestants or be killed and watch them kill each other. The prize for the last remaining survivor on this great show is that you get to go onto the next season and kill a fresh batch of contestants; oh and the not-dying part too, I guess that counts. This movie is fucking hilarious and worth watching every minute!
August 7th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I watched that clip from gymkata. It never fails to amaze me at how stupid the bad guy’s are. You figure after the 20th badguy rushing alone got his ass whooped (with a single kick) That they’d go “why don’t we all just rush at him?” no it’s only after he jumps off the lil platform thing and runs past them all do they go “Fuck we shoulda done this earlier! GET HIM!” and start chasing him… stupid bad guy’s… no wonder why they always lose.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Aw man, what about “The Pest”?
August 5th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Dont forget Surviving The Game!
August 5th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
totally fucking getting gymkata.
thank you sir. thank. you. so. much.
August 4th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
also, predator had more governors in it than any other movie.
August 4th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Where’s the pest?
August 1st, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Fuck yes, I will watch predator no matter what time it is on.
I’ve missed work.
August 1st, 2009 at 4:10 pm
First thing that popped into my head was the story “the Most Dangerous Game” Second “Surviving the Game” Third, An episode of “Dollhouse” where this guy took Echo camping then told her to leave so he could hunt her with his bow. Check it out if human hunt interests you
July 31st, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Wait…no Surviving the Game?
July 28th, 2009 at 9:45 am
no mention of the Pest? egregious.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:00 am
You forgot Logan Run! Circa 1970’s but sexy as all.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:03 pm
isn’t one of the lines in Running Man:
“I’ll be back”
“Only in a re-run”?
July 21st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
The game is actually a reference to an old short story of the same name where a gentleman had a lighthouse that would lure ships to his island. Any survivors were hunted for sport.
I always loved Predator because the dead marine hanging had the same name as one of my uncles.
July 21st, 2009 at 12:43 pm
1. Planet of the Mother Fuckin’ Apes. (OK OK, the humans were hunted to be slaves, but that human safari sure looked fun.
2. Wilford Brimley kicked ass in “Absence of Malice.”
July 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
You can read through all these comments and see 400 demands for, the-so-obvious-that-they-left-it-out, “Surviving The Game” or you can stop right here with this run on sentence and go get yourself a copy of the Jack Palance and Martin Landau classic, featuring David Caruso, “Without Warning”, starring, the Predator himself, Kevin Peter Hall as the antagonistic hunter.
July 20th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
AlexTheShark, you are a perfect example of why extremists and fundamentalists are so ignorant and frightening. You believe in justice for those wronged, I do as well, but you think that the deliverance of the said justice is only tolerable if it is equally vicious and dehumananizing. You believe that the motivation behind the Russian hoax was a sense of devotion towards those who have been harmed by the Somali pirates. However, the ability to cause people like Chris Bucholz to be totally bewildered and horrorified is over the likelihood that these “vigilantes” were doing the said acts for sport, not retribution. I fear that you may get your hands on a weapon one day, and that you will not see your acts as cruel and murderous but as some sort of defense of mankind. Those of us who still embrace humanity may be pussies in your warped world, but we still have a CLEAR sense of right and wrong. Oh yeah, go fuck yourself.
July 19th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
” If this sounds to you like wealthy assholes murdering people under the thinnest possible pretense of “self defense,” congratulations on not being a monster ”
Great, first, let me point out that if you bothered to investigate your sources, you’d find that this is a hoax. But I guess If David had to write all cracked, he’d be dead by now, probably by bleeding to death from his fingers. Now let me point out why that ” sport ” of hunting pirates is actually perfectly morally justifiable.
Everywhere, there have to be people deffending every piece of junk just for the fun of it. Those ” pirates ” are all but Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-style pirates. Those are people who will cut your throat if said ransom is not paid. And I’m supposed to feel any empathy for them? Let me tell you that if I was rich enought, I’d go on that cruise ( if it was real, of course ). No seriously, Human Rights is to me the biggest bullshit ever written, and yes, murder is a perfectly good thing in some cases, like this one. Yes some would pay for murder of human junk, and I m one of them. Not for the fun involved, but for the necessity of the act and for the pride involved in taking part of it.
Some of you need to review the code of conduct that makes us human beings instead of retarded sheeps that will bend their neck to any threat, and stop treating murder as an evil thing no-matter-what. The right to live is something to be erned, not something you should have no matter what you do. Remember, so far that was what human kind though until the two Great Wars and the Cold War scared the bejesus out of everyone until tranforming everyone into a raging pussy, a bleeding heart that will prefer to have those pirates go through terapy until ” cured ” instead of just sinking htem and calling it a day.
Yes, killing leaves that bad taste in the mouth that is immoral to seek, BUT killing is a M_U_S_T in some cases. The act of removing life is the act of removing weed ( not that kind, the unwanted-grass kind ). I know that a lot of ink has been spilled on what’s wrong and what’s right about a human’s life, but we can all agree that individuals who see a human being as a stock that can be traded for money, and that has to be killed if not marketablem, can be removed from the face of the Earth in the name of Good. And if none of you bleeding hearts can do it, then I will do it, and if 5000$ didn’t made a difference for me, then I’ll pay it. Not for fun. By duty. The only thing that gives me the right to kill them is the fact that I do not share their idea that human lives are worthless, that I respect it. Sounds contradictory? You missed my point. Thanks Mom and Dad for not making a Chris Bucholz out of me.
Anyone else volunteers for a Pirate hunting cruise?
July 15th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
The last paragraph is the best.
July 15th, 2009 at 9:23 am
OMG Gymkata! The most awesomely bad action movie ever made. I love the stone pommel horse that just so happens to BE RIGHT THERE!
July 14th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
dont know if this was mentioned in the comments, but so umm im pretty sure that book and movie most dangerous game whole point was about killing people for sport. >_> <_<
July 14th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
THE PEST.
Seriously, guys. Dropping the ball quite a bit to exclude that one. :/
July 14th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Yeah seriously, no “Surviving the Game?” Man, I bet Ice-T is rolling over in his grave right now…. assuming he’s dead. I really can’t keep up with who is and who isn’t, ya know….
July 13th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Are you fucking kidding me? How did Ice T’s SURVIVING THE GAME not make this list. Black homeless dude hunted by rich white dudes. He kills them instead, it would be the perfect lesson for our Russian friends as to why you don’t hunt black people.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Series 7
Battle Royale
July 12th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I’m a proud lavender belt in gymkata. Next month I take my test for chartreuse. Giddyup mister pommel horse!
July 12th, 2009 at 11:52 am
You forgot Surviving the game with Ice T and Gary Bussey
It’s classic
July 11th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
How could you miss Surviving the Game? It’s a classic people-hunting movie!
July 11th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
PREDATOR RULES!
GET TO THE CHOPPA!
July 11th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Sorry, predator is awesome.
July 11th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Predator was awesome.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
agreed Battle Royale should have been in this list
July 10th, 2009 at 8:54 am
What about Hostel?
July 10th, 2009 at 4:44 am
I just watched several “hunting people for sport” films - I had a theme movie night.
So far - I really enjoyed the classic Ice-T tale “Surviving the Game”.
however my favorite of all time is “Avenging Force” with good ole’ american ninja himself - Michael Dudikoff. Avenging force is great - good “woods combat” sequences.
As far as Hard Target goes - I just watched it about 30 min ago, and really - its a terrible terrible movie.
I’m going to have to check out some of the others that people have left in the comments. As far as the article goes…eh, these movies are all “eh” - there are better ones as people are suggesting.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:59 am
It’s telling when the gun made of gold isn’t even mentioned.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
600 replies and no one mentions “The Condemned”?
…I oughtta break out my huntin’ rifle…
July 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Where in the fucking fuck is BATTLE ROYALE?!?!?!?!
I mean, I know it doesn’t technically qualify, but it should have at least been an honorable mention.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
the greatest movie where humans are hunted for sport by far is a movie called “Pest” check it out
July 9th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Surviving the Game with Ice T should have been here. I mean whats greater than luring a man to the woods for a hunt with your friends, only for him to find out he’s the one being hunted, I wonder if its on Netflix, gotta check it out again.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:02 am
[...] comedy writers have long learned to enjoy fiction as a release when we have those “I wonder what killing some dudes with a crossbow feels like” [...]
July 8th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
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July 8th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I am severely saddened by the exclusion of John Leguizamo’s cinematic adventure “The Pest” from this article. Easily the best film documenting a human on human hunt.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Sara, no. The Pest is the sole reason why terrorists bombed America
July 8th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
What about The Pest??? Am I the only person on Earth who remembers that movie!?
July 8th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Battle Royale. Battle Royale. Battle Royale!
Although the title is “6 Great Movies” not the “6 Best Movies”. The latter would have been unforgivable.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
i just lose the game
July 8th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Really? Surviving the Game with Ice T wasn’t included? Fail.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:23 am
lol
July 8th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Be gone, trolling whore!
July 8th, 2009 at 8:37 am
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July 8th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Can’t WAIT! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ HAWT!
July 8th, 2009 at 7:28 am
I’ve seen another movie with the same theme as Hard Target, but it had Ice tea in it or maybe Ice Cue, one of the chilled bevereges, i forget which one. I thik it even had Gary Busey in it too as the bad guy.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Surviving the Game is missing!!! It’s wayyyyy better than these. I clicked on the link just to read about it.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:11 am
“Because it’s fucking Predator, that’s why.”
I laughed out loud when I read that! I have to admit everytime it is on TV I watch the scene where Arnie and the gang level the jungle with machine guns! Awesome sh*t there! The Running Man short story by Richard Bachman AKA Stephen King was great too but the ending is a bit too close to 9/11 now.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:38 am
you do realize that the link you posted on the Russian cruise is a joke right. The original place they got it from did it as a piece of satire i checked it out myself there is no phone number, address, company name, or email address for the company. Sorry, I just find it incredibly stupid that the link you posted clearly shows it to be fake in the comments below. Funny article though
July 8th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Great article!
I agree with AT and Fast eddie though, “Surviving the Game” is awesome. For three reasons:
- Ice-T
- Gary Busey
- Ice-T’s one-liners as Mason. Example follows:
- Hawkins: “I like my meat rare!”
- Mason: “Try well done, BITCH!” (hurls Hawkins into the flaming cabin)
July 8th, 2009 at 5:05 am
Thank god you finally wrote something funny bocholz!
July 8th, 2009 at 4:51 am
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July 8th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Forget these fools who are crying about their favorite films not being listed. Bucholz, your sarcasm and sardonic wit is awesomely hilarious. Keep up the good work.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Seriously, How could you not include SURVIVING THE GAME. The Gary Busey monologue about how he became a man should be studied in acting schools.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Don’t forget Ice-T’s brilliant “Surviving the Game”. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111323/plotsummary
Masterpiece!
July 8th, 2009 at 4:16 am
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July 8th, 2009 at 4:02 am
[...] 6 Great Movies Where People Are Hunted for Sport Cracked.com (tags: movie) TagsCategoriasmiudezas Uncategorized [...]
July 8th, 2009 at 3:36 am
what, no battle royale?
that movie fucking rules, it’s unforgiveable not including that movie.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:16 am
No “Tenth Victim”? C’mon! The best ever manhunt with crazy&sexy italian twist. Pure awesome!
July 8th, 2009 at 1:11 am
how is surviving the game not on this list?
July 8th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Yes, Predator is perhaps one of the greatest movies ever made
July 8th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Ah, yes. Predator. The film so awesome, it gave us not one, but two state governors.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Does ” Judgment Night ” count ? Even though, they’re not being hunted for sport ( in terms of the plot ) , Emilo Estevez & his gang of friends ( Cuba Gooding, Jermey Piven, and Stephen Dourff) have to run for their lives from criminal Denis Leary & his gang of thugs ( 1 of which is ‘ Zed ‘ from ” Pulp Fiction ” ) after they witness Leary off somebody in the ghettos of Chicago. Best part is hearing Piven scream like a stuck pig when Leary tosses him off a roof.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
I have to agree with the Turkey Shoot contingent - check this out :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcN68XFGoiI
One of the better Auzploitation movies …. damn I wish we still made ‘em that way
July 7th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
“The Most Dangerous Game” was made into a movie. A bad one. A movie called “Bloodlust!” was also made that pretty much copied “The Most Dangerous Game” and was made fun of by Mystery Science Theater.
As far as other manhunting movies go, who can forget the wonderful Ice-T in the timeless classic “Surviving the Game”?
July 7th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Damnit i lost the game
July 7th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
What about The Pest?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
More clips, dammit.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Fuck me, that camel had it coming.
Recently saw a decent Spanish one of these: KING OF THE HILL.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
“The Further Adventures Of Tennessee Buck”—starring the great David Keith (not to be confused with the great Keith David) as an Indiana Jones rip-off adventurer hired by rich jerks to take them into the jungle only to have them hunted by a tribe for sport and the privledge of humping the uber hot blonde chick they took with them played by the gorgeous Kathy Shower. The scene where the village women are oiling up Kathy naked and you see her HUGE erect nipples is worth sitting through this craptacular movie. Damn that chick was smokin’!!
July 7th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Needs more “Surviving The Game”
July 7th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
oh yeah, i just remembered, was ‘The Most Dangerous Game,’ made into a movie? i remember reading that in my English I class, the Cossack person (who’s name i fail to remember,) was effing insane. Good story though.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Death Race 2000 was awesome, but I am a little confused by the psychedelic poster. Is that a lady fucking a car while David Carradine masturbates with another car?
July 7th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
anyone know why everyone calls america’s education system a joke? just wondering. (i’m an American, i just want to know why everyone seemingly hates only our Education system when you could hate our damn government. they call it democracy but it’s a frickin Republic for christ’s sake.)
July 7th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
FRANKENSLUT - the three red dots are the Predator’s laser sights.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
It is the 6 GREAT movies where people are hunted for sport. Therefore, Surviving the Game is not included. Ice-T? Gimme a fuckin break.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
conan and appolo line were funny and clever
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Shame on you for leaving out “Surviving the Game.”
It’s got Ice-T in it for chrissake. His name sounds like a refreshing drink but he’s actually a fairly surly fellow.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
what about that movie where the badguys are chasing the hero
July 7th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
you forgot to mention that Dynamo (who had an absolute bitchin’ entrance) was played by Grossberger from Stir Crazy!!
The Running Man also featured Jesse Ventura and Prof. Toru Tanaka (who also played Francis’ butler in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure)
also, The Pest was one of the worst movies ever
July 7th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
what are those 3 red dots? I keep seeing them but they arnt in my pop culture rolodex? also
John Leguizamo in THE PEST, that was kinda funny,
and would ROLLERBALL count?, that was sorta dystopian future type shit… SERIES 7 was awsome, a reality show like, my retard friend Doug thought it was real…moron!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
What about Turkey Shoot?
July 7th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Battle Royale 1 and 2, Lord of the Flies?
July 7th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
oh, i see it has already been suggested…
July 7th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
you should have added “surviving the game”
July 7th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
the one with ice-t.. surviving the game
July 7th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
ha hard target
July 7th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
In Running Man, Not sure if anyone mentioned that along with a bravura performance by Richard “Newkirk” Dawson, there was hot Governor on Governor action!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I can’t believe “Turkey Shoot” didn’t make it in. An Australian Film from about 1981, starring Steve Railsback and Olivia Hussey. It was released in UK under the name “Escape 2000.” I can honestly say it’s one of the most entertaining films I have ever seen.
When the hairy Chewbacca-looking freak gets cut in half by an earth mover, you know this shit just got real. Oh, and that comes right after a big-titted lesbian gets killed by having one of the ‘prey’ shove an explosive arrow in her vagina.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Holy shit - for the first time on this site, I have come across a pop-culture reference that I’ve somehow completely missed - and I understand 99% of Family Guy references.
Surviving The Game…why have I not seen this?!? I just imdb’d it and as well as O.G. and Commander Krill, it’s got the Hitcher, Dr Cox and goddamn Salieri…!
Fuck my wedding next year - my life will not be complete until I have rented this movie.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
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July 7th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
@bob the mob
Thanks Bob - That’s genuinely bothered me for years. The film seemed to be based very heavily on the (uncredited) Sheckley story; now I can assume it’s just Hollywood being a dick, and not King.
On a similar note - If I made a movie of Kornbluth’s ‘The Marching Morons’, I wonder how many people would think it was a swipe of ‘Idiocracy’?
July 7th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
so the scene from Hard Target where Van Damme punches a snake to death wasn’t included, or even mentioned? i actually looked it up before seeing Hard Target was on the list because the camel punching scene reminded me of it.
one-hit punching things to death is always awesome.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Yeah the one with ice t….where the heck is that one?
Thanks, chris! (in italics)
July 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
@I’m Old
The Running Man film only shares the name of Stephen King’s novella. The book is a much more in-depth look into a dystopian society. The film just took the death game show concept and made an Arnie action film around it.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
“what was the one with ice cube?”
Ice-T. It didn’t need a title.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Series 7….
July 7th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
# Brian R Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Kudos to Robert Sheckley who wrote Immortality Inc. in 1958 - including Manhunting as a sport - which was made into a crap Emilio Estevez film, that TOOK OUT the manhunting…
I remember watching ‘The Running Man’ and being astounded that it claimed to be based on a story by Stephen King, and not Sheckley’s ‘The Prize of Peril’ - Is King’s story really that big a rip-off?
July 7th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
“When you throw a 230-pound Austrian mutant in your death arena..”
Holy shit, I almost pissed myself…
July 7th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
la deccima vittima. it has a super 60’s hot chic
July 7th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
What about “The Pest” with John Leguizamo. A comedy where the main character is being hunted for sport. It wasn’t very funny… but it met a need at the time. A need for an urban Jim Carrey.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
what was the one with ice cube?
it was surprisingly good
July 7th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Hey thanks Caboose-1 from saving me from calling Russia travel agencies all day looking for who sponsors these events.
And yes Homeless J
“We should’ve just gone to Hawaii” and Arnold says “Well I had the t-shirt, but you fucked it up.” was the best line in the Running Man.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
No mention of “The Most Dangerous Game”? Your lack of culture disturbs me, Cracked.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I will third the Naked Prey recommendation. You know what’s scarier than being hunted for sport? Being hunted for sport WHILE NAKED!
July 7th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Just so you know, the Russian pirate hunting tours area hoax:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/piratecruise.asp
July 7th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
you forgot Surviving the Game the ultimate in hunting human movies
July 7th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
You have forgotten the original, the grandaddy of them all: a 1932 gem called “The Most Dangerous Game”. In this movie, some guy, bored with big game hunting, causes ship wrecks to bring human prey to his island. It stars King Kong actress Fay Wray!
July 7th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Ah, forgot a little-known movie called “Naked Fear.”
20 minute scene where a naked woman has to run away from a hunter.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Surviving the Game definitely should have made the cut instead of Man with the Golden Gun or Death Race. One’s a Bond vehicle, one’s a movie about vehicles, and one is a movie specifically centered around dudes hunting down Ice-T in a forest for sport.
Best part of the Running Man is when Maria Conchita Alonso says “We should’ve just gone to Hawaii” and Arnold says “Well I had the t-shirt, but you fucked it up.”
July 7th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Battle Royale!
this is important.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I agree with everyone who said Battle Royale should have made the list. Kiriyama and Mitsuko were totally hunting down the other students. And it was a killing contest involving humans. Therefore: Should have been included.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
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July 7th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
You forgot about “The Pest” with John Leguizamo.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
That was laugh out loud in public funny. Thank you.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
i think its another case of, the author just put in 6 movies in a list, with no intention of doing a “best to worst” ranking, or being all-inclusive of the manhunt genre of movies.so instead of everyone enjoying reading it, we got a bunch of people freaking the hell out cause they think the author is insinuating that one of these is better than another do to its placement on the list, (or non-placement, as the case may be).
speaking of surviving the game, whos with me that they killed off Busey too soon in that? he shouldve at least came back all burnt up , right before the boss fight, at least.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Lol, The Pest was an awesome movie.
And for those who yell about the omission of BATTLE ROYALE (as awesome as the movie and novel are), this article is about WESTERN POP CULTURE.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Totally forgot about Battle Royale
July 7th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
What about Surviving the Game? Busey hunts Ice-T in the forest!
July 7th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
So it sounds like those rich Russians are basically enacting a real life, high seas version of Death Wish.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
What about that thing about 7 years ago, where real dudes had a ranch and were paying hot chicks to dress up like antelopes , so rich dudes could hunt them with paintball guns? i know it shouldnt be on the list, cause it was real, not a movie, but hey its worth a comment list mention, right?
July 7th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Gymkata! I don’t even know which one is sadder. The fact that they actually made this movie, or the fact that I went to go see it when it came out! I have to be honest…..I loved it then and I still love it now! Kurt Thomas on a Pommel Horse! Jackie Chan, eat your heart out!
July 7th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Hard Target was the first movie that came to mind when i saw that title. Im glad its on here. Funny list.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
This was excellent. There’s also a direct-to-VHS movie from the 80’s called Deadly Prey which is amazing. YouTube it.
Most Dangerous Game is not awesome at all, and therefore doesn’t deserve a spot on the list.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I’m surprised nobody has mentioned “Highlander”. Technically, the immortals had no real good reason to kill each other before the quickening, so it had to be a sport for them.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Series Seven…way ahead of it’s time
July 7th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I was going to mention “Most Dangerous Game” and a few of it’s many remakes, but then I realized the author of the article was probably about 8 years old and a fan of homoerotic ’80s action pics. So, yeah, nevermind.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Dude!!!! You forgot Surviving The Game with the epic actor Ice T……hunting bums and saving their heads = instant classic
July 7th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Before reading the list I skimmed through it looking for “The Most Dangerous Game” and since the author didn’t bother to do his research and include the novel (later adapted into a movie) that started it all, I didn’t bother to read his piss-poor compilation.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
death race 2000 is quite possibly the best movie ever made. just sayin’.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Surviving the Game only kicks ass because of Rutger Hauer.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Hilarious article, but that article about the Ruskies is taken from another article that was satire…sorry?
July 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
You soooooooooo left out Naked Prey.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Running Man the book is 1000 times more badass. Because Arnie (That’s not the guys name, but I read the book post movie) actually fucking dies.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
That article about bratva hunting the spades is a joke, you dumb yank. A funny joke, unlike your writing, but just a joke.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
This article sucked, but it managed to remind me of some kickass movies, so all is forgiven.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:57 am
So that clip of Gymkata and its description are pretty much one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever witnessed. I have no idea why somebody greenlighted that premise (clearly some bitter/megalomaniacal gymnast screenwriter).
The stretches required (serendipitous gymnastics equipment), the lameness of the fight scene (someone fucking stab him already!) and even just the retarded soundeffects made it all but unbearable.
Though I guess we can all be thankful that they didn’t interpret the title literally (the prefix “gym-” means “naked”).
July 7th, 2009 at 11:56 am
already mentioned 1000 times…so for the 1001 time, “SURVIVING THE GAME” FUCKTARDS!
July 7th, 2009 at 11:51 am
No Series 7?
The sad part about the hunting people for TV ratings theme is that if the networks could legaly do it, they probably would.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Battle Royale was what I thought when I saw the title… but they weren’t really “hunted” for sport in that movie… with the exception of Kiriyama. That’s a crazy motherfucker.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I for one an glad that we have reached our current year without hitting the sort of dystopian levels seen in every movie made in the eighties. On the other hand, where is my goddamn flying car?
July 7th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Ah Comrade Bucholtz you have definitely taught us how great it is to hunt our fellow man. Unfortunately the hunting for the Somalian pirates is bad this year. Just not enough of them left. However your Cracked subscribers are very numerous and plentiful. If you supplied us with a list of their names and addresses we will gladly compensate you with 10 bottle of Scotch for every name. If you are unwilling to help us, then I’m sure your Comrade DOB will be more than willing to aid us.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:15 am
One more that should have been there was battle royale, highschool kids killing eachother to stay alive too damn cool
July 7th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Loved the article! I have to watch all these movies. But still, I totally want to go hunting pirates with the Russians.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:10 am
I cant believe you forgot The Most Dangerous Game. It’s old and kinda rare to find now-a-days, but that’s what the entire movie is about. Hunting people because all other animals are too easy.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I swear that is Richard Dean Anderson in the Gymkata clip…mother fucking Mcguyver
July 7th, 2009 at 11:05 am
That Gymkata clip was made ten times better because I was listening to “Ballroom Blitz” at the time.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:52 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-nVb0JaKJY
July 7th, 2009 at 10:35 am
You could have stretched and ranked Tron. The characters were “programs” not men, but one of those programs was el dudeirino.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Another bump for fucking Surviving the Game. That was also the FIRST movie to pop into my head when I read the topic.
I mean, obviously you’ve done some ‘research’ (read: watched a bunch of movies - that’s my kind of research) but Surviving the Game was exactly this premise, and it pulled it off with a high level of badasscocity.
But I’ve gotta disagree with everyone about Gymkata. I wanted to slap that idiot on the pommel horse. Now maybe if he was doing an uneven bar routine set to an enchanting cindy lauper melody while fending off robot bats with laser eyes, then we’d have had a good clip.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Seriously, how could you forget ‘The most dangerous game’? It’s a classic! THe bad guy tricks ships into crashing into rocks and they land on his island, where he invites them to play a game of ‘outdoor chess’ As a fellow Canadian, I am ashamed you would forget such a thing, Bucholz.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:25 am
“The competition, creatively called “The Game,”” - Darn it! Now I’ve Lost The Game!
July 7th, 2009 at 10:24 am
The most awesomely pathetic part of Dynamo and not properly explained in Running Man was that he killed you by singing opera at you. I always got the impression that his little lasers were really linked by some Dunesque Mua-dib technology by the fact that he chased the runners singing castrati. Dynamo was a total mess,
July 7th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I nearly lost my shit when I clicked on your pirate hunting link, until I did exactly one click’s worth of research and discovered that it was a prank bordering Bonzai-kitten greatness. I mean, I support the idea of our Navy using them as target practice, but civilians? Hell, it’s not even reserved for rich millionaire Lex Luthor types. Five grand is what the Johnsons rustle up for their Hawaii vacation every two years.
Anyways, fun article. I’ll have to netflix some of these.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:17 am
yeah no shit, where the fuck is surviving the game? other than that though not too bad.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Who’s job is it to castrate this fool for not listing Surviving the Game with Ice T? Also, can we mention The Most Dangerous Game in the opening paragraph? It’s only THE classic short story that the theme from all these movies originates. Do some homework Bucholtz.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Are you serious?! Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and The Thing are both infinitely more badass than Cocoon. I have never seen Hard Target though.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:11 am
i can’t help noticing in the gymtaka fight scene that if any one of those villagers had actually USED the pitch fork they were carrying, he would have been hosed.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:02 am
series 7 the contenders-
http://series7movie.com/
July 7th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Why not Deliverance?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:53 am
if its one thing you should learn from gymkata is that you shouldnt fuck around with gymnasts.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Wow. How could you not rep Ice T and Big Teeth Busey? Fire this guy.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:49 am
I love the fact that Death Race 2000 has no stars, just co-stars. Awesome.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:48 am
I agree with StuBone, Surviving the Game was the FIRST thing that came to mind for me too. Battle Royale was great, but was less about one group hunting another and more… well… a battle royal XD
July 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am
how is Surviving the Game not listed? It’s like Hard Target only it has Ice-T and Gary Busey in it. Busey and Ice-T make Brimley and JCVD look like a couple of oatmeal eatin’, diabeeetus havin’ pussies.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:43 am
“The Pest” - Only awesome because the principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off hunts John Leguizamo because he’s so annoying he is called “the pest.”
July 7th, 2009 at 9:37 am
surviving the game - ice t
July 7th, 2009 at 9:33 am
I loled frequently and loudly.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:31 am
“yeah….battle royale is legendary for its bloodsport awesomeness.
and yes, predator should still be winning academy awards even up til today.”
“And the Oscar for Best Animated Short goes to… Predator!”
July 7th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Good topic…but where was The Game? I THINK that’s what it was called, it was the one with Ice T in it, played a dredded up homeless guy as well. I actually think this is the best movie adaptation (from the GORY original book) for this premise. NOT saying you’re wrong, if anything I’m asking somebody to tell me the name so I can go rent it…
July 7th, 2009 at 9:17 am
yeah….battle royale is legendary for its bloodsport awesomeness.
and yes, predator should still be winning academy awards even up til today.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:11 am
I hear gymkata was based on a true story.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:07 am
I refuse to believe that Gymkata is a real movie. Because if it is, everything that I ever thought was good in this world was just dwarfed by the ball-exploding greatness of that clip.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:04 am
what about the most dangerous game? It’s an old movie from the 1920s and quite excellent.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Are you kidding me, Battle Royale is not on this list? Possibly the worst Cracked article ever.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:53 am
“The Running Man has the honor of being simultaneously one of the best cheese movies of the ’80s and one of the most counterintuitively bad adaptations of a great book ever performed.”
——————————————–
This, this, a thousand times THIS!
Plus, it also had Family Feud’s Richard Dawson as the host. Richard freakin Dawson, man!
July 7th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Just a note…that article is satire.
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/piratecruise.asp
July 7th, 2009 at 8:47 am
DUDE! I remember The Pest! I think I saw that when I was ten…
July 7th, 2009 at 8:41 am
All of these stories derive from Richard Connell’s “The Most Dangerous Game” short story from mid-1920’s…movie adaptation starred Fay Wray from ‘King Kong’ in the 1930’s. Probably not cool or ironic enough to actually name the SOURCE.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:40 am
You forgot The Pest. It is the first movie I thought of when I saw this column.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:40 am
You forgot Dick Cheney back when he gave his buddy a face full of buckshot.
They claim it was a Quail Hunting accident, but to anybody who knows the type of sick shit these guys are into, it was obviously a case of mistaken identity while playing a round of “The Most Dangerous Game”.
Usually, they hunt down a few of the older white slaves that have been malfunctioning lately and breaking out of their deep seated mind-programming (this happens around the age of 30, sometimes sooner). These slaves are usually kidnapped children that have been brainwashed to be used for prostitution and bargaining chips amongst the elite power players of the world. Usually, the ones that make the best clientele are Senators, Mayors, former-presidents, any sort of high-ranking official that you would normally catch at the Bohemian Grove Summer Camp fag-orgy dressed in KKK outfits.
Anyways, once the slave is no longer considered useful, or the hypnotism isn’t taking to the same effect as before, these slaves are released into the nearby woods with a few minutes head start. The hunting party will hunt proceed to gun her down with no remorse or consequences.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:39 am
SURVIVING THE GAME, MOTHERFUCKER
July 7th, 2009 at 8:37 am
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July 7th, 2009 at 8:32 am
@Anon- My thoughts exactly.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:28 am
How did Battle Royale not make this list?
July 7th, 2009 at 8:22 am
fuck you bucholz!!!!!!
omitting “surviving the game” and forcing every reader to lose the game through your stupid description of “gymkata”……just not cool, man, just not cool!!
i just lost the game!!
http://www.losethegame.com for all you uninitiated poor souls!!
July 7th, 2009 at 8:22 am
1) Gymkata is responsible for bringing my ex-boyfriend and I together. He used to have “bad movie” parties. This was in 2003
2) “Parmistan”? Really? I don’t remember this…but I do believe it is a real place. They are a solitary and dignified people, who gaurd the secret of their canned dried cheese with their lives.
3) I lost my shit the first time I saw Preditor. On TV. In 2001. It was like losing your virginity at 56…a bittersweet and enlightening experience.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Buzzsaw, not Buzzkill
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Predator should be put in every list on Cracked for some various reason. Please.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Here is The Big Boss Man in the Running Man?
Mick Fleetwood is in it too
July 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Kudos to Robert Sheckley who wrote Immortality Inc. in 1958 - including Manhunting as a sport - which was made into a crap Emilio Estevez film, that TOOK OUT the manhunting. He also wrote the Tenth Victim - film mentioned below….
July 7th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Wow, Gymkata was pretty weak, maybe I am spoiled by the real-life fights every Friday night when the pubs close near Pommel Horse Square. There’s drunk guys doing moores and scissors while fighting off other drunk guys who want a turn, other guys taking bets or selling jacket potatoes, it is a real spectacle. Do American towns not have Pommel Horse Squares? Your roads are laid out in a grid network, fitting a square in should be easy.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:12 am
@ Kieran Milligan
Most of the time that pirates were creating those ‘technological advancements’ they were stewing in their own shit.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:00 am
great article. kinda surprised that “surviving the game” wasn’t mentioned. gary busey as a psychotic therapist who hunts homeless people, man! it’s a classic!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:59 am
…Captain America! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ Is that all you Nazi’s got?! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Fritz Lang : Manhunt (1941)
There is also a great german film about this from the 70’s, but i can’t remember the name,
July 7th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Oh yeah, it was “Surviving the Game”. Ice-T dammit!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:52 am
What about that one with Ice-T in it? Ice-T for fuck’s sake! Ice-T makes anything list-worthy, surely?
July 7th, 2009 at 7:51 am
The first thing the came to my mind as I read the title of the article was “BATTLE ROYALE!!!!!!1111″ (in that format). Kinda bad it didn’t end up in the list (sure, the movie is not about hunting people down as sport, but it’s a competition nevertheless!)
July 7th, 2009 at 7:46 am
At :52 into the video you can see that the dude is having the time of his life kicking (what appears to be) mentally challenged foreigners, who politely wait their turn to be kicked in the face.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Even if the pirate cruise thing was real, it’d be perfectly acceptable. You forget that governments used to empower ships as privateers, whose job was to pirate the pirates. We’re not talking about people going and actively hunting down pirates anyway, just people letting pirates come to them as the aggressors. In the world of computer crime this sort of thing is called a honeypot. It not only vastly improves the ability to trace loose networks of criminals who are otherwise hard to predict, but it also adds a higher element of risk to piracy and therefore ramps up the costs. This is actually something every major government should be doing right now.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Not that i can blame you since you probably don’t know it, but la decima vittima is the *tits* as far as bloodsport films go. Marcello Mastroianni is the 10th victim Ursula Andress (ursula fucking hot as hell andress) needs to cap to win some competition. which would be easy, except its marcello mastroianni, so shit goes down. ridiculous, awesome movie.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:33 am
And Fuck You, TK21! Pirates kick ass. Many of the technological advancements made in Maritime waters were because of Pirates. They helped the advancement of waterborne tactics and weaponry in ways that you can’t even imagine. Don’t get mad at them for being what amounts to an aquahacker. That’s right, I just equated Muthafucking Pirates to Computer geeks. They both look for weaknesses after springing a surprise attack on their enemy; pirates just have the good street sense to get paid.
God bless Pirates, Jolly Rodgers, and anyone bad-ass enough to end their name in “beard”. What’s russia gonna do in the face of that amount of bad-assery? Drink Vodka at it?
July 7th, 2009 at 7:32 am
1932 “The Most Dangerous Game”
July 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am
No mention of the Flag Ninjas in Gymkata?
The saddest Ninjas in the world…
July 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Wow, that Pommel Horse deal…
Director: “We need a scene where he can show his gymkata skills off on a pommel horse.”
Assistant: “How can we incorporate that into the movie?”
Director: “I know, let’s put a pommel horse in the middle of a town square in Mongolia, and have him be attacked by 100 obviously retarded sheep-herder zombies.”
Assistant: “But…would a pommel horse be in a town square? Is that logical?”
Director: “Screw logic. Where’s my blow?!”
July 7th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Battle Royale got snubbed.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:23 am
The article is so uncanadian it hurts. I thought you were canadian.
Or maybe I’m mixing you up with someone.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:23 am
In Parmistan, pirate hunts You! Seriously though, if russians are really paying 5k a pop to kill pirates, how about the mercs and swashbucklers work together? The pirates get a cut of the profits for attacking and the mercs use rubber bullets. The only casualties they’ll have will be when the Russian assholes use real bullets. And the way they were kicked out of Afghanistan in the 80’s leads me to believe that even with superior equipment they didn’t have the good sense to hit the broad side of barn with an RPG. Seriously, kicked out of Afghanistan? We can’t seem to leave that party at all, and russia got kicked out? Good Job, Russia. Way to keep the Cold War cold. Assholes.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Avenging Force. ‘Nuff said
July 7th, 2009 at 7:17 am
you forgot to mention that Dynamo (who had an absolute bitchin’ entrance) was played by Grossberger from Stir Crazy!!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:15 am
I think the Russians are doing a good thing, probably deterring pirates from attacking in case their target is well armed. Good riddance of the pirates.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:06 am
The Running Man has the honor of being simultaneously one of the best cheese movies of the ’80s and one of the most counterintuitively bad adaptations of a great book ever performed.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:04 am
I would’ve loved to see that same YouTube clip, but with Tony Jaa instead of that lame white dude.
He would’ve delivered so many knees, elbows, and death to all those village idiots.
Just think about the possibilities.
Tony Jaa versus “man with pitch fork” would be jumping towards each other in slow motion, Tony delivers both knees to the man’s chest, neck, and jaw bone. The man drops 20 feet down and lands on a collapsable pile of bamboo.
Never mind, I’v been watching too much Ong Bak 2 lately.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:59 am
As a Parmistani, I take exception to some of your characterisations.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:47 am
“Surviving the Game” featuring Ice T and Charles Muthafucking Dutton. How could you omit that mid-90s masterpiece?
July 7th, 2009 at 6:44 am
This article was pure awesome through and through, ’nuff said. So I will fill in some space by making fun of stupid comments.
Chimchim Says:
“You know that the pirate hunting cruises are bullshit, right? Otherwise, fun article.”(and the others who said basically the same thing)-No shit, really? You don’t say? I would’ve never known if it weren’t for your amazing intellectual and researching abilities.
jkono29 Says:
“its/it’s”-Okay, aaaaaand? If you’re going to criticize people for grammar, don’t be a hypocrite.
Cratey Says:
“‘who often react to this surprising development by dieing’
*Dying*, Bucholz. Please please it ruins an otherwise good article. Please.”-He spelled it “dieing”, so you correct him by saying “dying”. This implies that you know what he was trying to say, which throws the whole “its hard to understand people who don’t use proper grammar” (ON THE INTERNET[FUCK! Get OVER it already]) right out the window and into the trash.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:43 am
re: Jarric: Yeah, but in Battle Royale, it wasn’t organized by someone so that they (or people who pay them) could then go in there and hunt people. So I don’t really think it fits. Awesome movie, though.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:41 am
[...] the rest of this great post here Share and [...]
July 7th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Uhh… I hope you know that the whole Somalia Cruise story was a big joke by a newspaper! Next time get your facts right!!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Okay, not exactly the same thing, but what about “Hostel”? I mean, the group in the movie is called Elite Hunting.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:28 am
japanese, you say? killing each other, you say? damn, i gotta find me some movie
July 7th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Sadly the Somali Pirate Cruises are too awesome to be real. They started out as an internet joke but the cable news media has Asperger’s Syndrome and doesn’t understand how to connect with the outside world. Therefore it had no ability to comprehend that the website was a joke. The only saving grace is that maybe with the amount of people who want to go, some entrepreneur may indeed create this dream vacation.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:25 am
You know that the pirate hunting cruises are bullshit, right? Otherwise, fun article.
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/piratecruise.asp
July 7th, 2009 at 6:18 am
wat about http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111323/
its the definition of this artical
July 7th, 2009 at 6:17 am
I remember crying “bullshit!” at Roger Moore movies when I was a kid. Considering at the same time I thought the original “Star Trek” series was realistic, that should tell you how absurd those Bond movies really were.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:16 am
You need to watch The Naked Prey immediately.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Hey guys you forgot THE PEST!
Now thats a timeless classic right there
July 7th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Uhh…the spikey-haired, mustachioed dude with the motorcycle and chainsaws in Running Man was Buzzsaw, not Buzzkill. Jeez, Bucholz–do your homework! Also, I love the peasant villager attack strategy of running square into the dude’s flailing legs and best of all was the guy with the hatchet. Ha!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Amongst Bond films, Octopussy has a better hunting-people-for-sport segment than Golden Gun does.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:03 am
And Manhunt of course
July 7th, 2009 at 6:02 am
OOooohhh I so agree with Battle Royal. Its definitely the most disturbing of the hunting people for sport and the best thing about it is they all end up their own worst enemies!!
What a film!!!!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:02 am
its/it’s
July 7th, 2009 at 6:02 am
I agree with StuBone, “Surviving the Game” definately deserved a mention even though it has a lot in common with “Hard Target”. When Ice-T rigs the ATV to explode…priceless.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:01 am
“who often react to this surprising development by dieing”
*Dying*, Bucholz. Please please it ruins an otherwise good article. Please.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:57 am
The Man with the Golden Gun was pretty ridiculous as it was, but then they even ruined the bad-ass car stunt with a damned slide-whistle noise! It was also the second Bond movie with that annoying sheriff. I still want a gun that I can put together from a lighter, a pen, and some cuff links, though.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:35 am
I loved the description of “Man With the Golden Gun”. The writers were so phoning that shit in on the movie.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:33 am
You should have also included the great Japanese movie, Battle Royale. School children are put on an island to hunt and kill each other. The last one standing wins. If you haven’t seen this, you should.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:08 am
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July 7th, 2009 at 5:01 am
Dude, how could you not include the Ice-T classic, “Surviving the Game”? It is the first movie I think of when it comes to hunting people since Gary Busey seems to enjoy this role more than any other of his life.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surviving_the_Game