6 Great Movies Where People Are Hunted for Sport
So apparently wealthy Russians are paying up to $5,000 a pop to go on pirate hunting vacations. On board yachts manned by heavily armed mercenaries, they cruise around the coast of Africa trying to lure Somalian pirates into attacking them. Should any pirates be foolhardy enough to do so, the Russians then fire a flurry of bullets and explosives at them, who often react to this surprising development by dying. If this sounds to you like wealthy assholes murdering people under the thinnest possible pretense of "self defense," congratulations on not being a monster. Your parents clearly didn't fuck up that bad.
Killing people for sport used to be one of our cultures most hallowed touchpoints. From short stories to novels to about 30 different episodes of Star Trek, the premise has been used in dozens of different forms. Which is great, when it's fiction. Normal healthy people like comedy writers have long learned to enjoy fiction as a release when we have those "I wonder what killing some dudes with a crossbow feels like" moments. So why haven't the Russians?
It occurred to me that Russians haven't had nearly the same exposure to Western pop culture that I have, me having been born in a video store and raised by a tape of recorded Knight Rider episodes. So I decided that to help Cracked's wealthy Russian readership, I'd enumerate the best fictional examples of people being hunted for sport that civilization ever produced on the VHS format. Non-wealthy-Russian readers will derive no pleasure from this at all.
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America is a dystopic wasteland in the quaintly old-fashioned futuristic year of 2000. A fascist government led by Mister President (that is his name), keeps the people entertained by staging bloody gladiatorial style contests. The most notable of these contests is the Transcontinental Road Race, where competitors get bonus points for running down innocent pedestrians while driving themed automobiles.
Why it's awesome:
Well, it's got men in costumes running down people in themed automobiles. Do I have to continue? All right. Less awesome, but interesting is the presence of Sylvester Stallone, during that part of his career after he stopped doing porn, but before he did Rocky. Also notable is the part of Frankenstein as played by David Carradine, whose recent probable-penis-related death makes enjoying this tale of butchery somewhat more bittersweet.
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Another one set in a dystopic future, The Running Man focuses on a popular game show where contestants are expected to run and die. Convicted of a crime he didn't boo-fucking-hoo, Arnold Schwarzenegger is forced to compete in this horrible game, and as you can imagine, is gruesomely killed. Ha, no seriously, it's Arnold--he tears the place apart and ruins everyone's fucking day. When you throw a 230-pound Austrian mutant in your death arena, try not to look surprised when he rips your neck out through your ass and says some glib neck related pun to the camera.
Why it's awesome:
This movie is from back in the day, and back in the day, Arnold was rad, full stop. But aside from Arnie, this movie also featured "stalkers"--hunters who who chase the contestants on the show, and kill them with various themed weapons. Subzero, Buzzkill and Fireball were all lunatics with themes made guessable by the show's stalker naming conventions. But the true star of the show was Dynamo, a huge tub of hilarity who cruises around the game zone in an armored golf cart, wearing hockey pads with blinking LEDs stuck to them. He's eventually defeated when he falls over and is unable to right himself. It's so pathetic that Arnold refuses to kill him. That's pretty terrible--in 80s movies Arnold rarely walked away from an alive bad guy--he once punched a camel to death for bumping in to him slightly.
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Jean Claude Van Damme is a homeless man who, like all homeless men, has a body of banded steel and a magnificent mane of hair. After agreeing to help a female who is probably a reporter, he begins investigating a group of wealthy businessmen who hunt homeless people for sport.
Why it's awesome:
Those glorious locks of hair for one. This was also Van Damme at his peak, but before he started playing two characters in the same movie--which math tells us should be twice as good, but somehow isn't. Thanks math. This movie also features Wilford Brimley killing guys with a hunting bow, which makes the film at least twice as badass as Cocoon, Brimley's previous most badass film.
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An Olympic gymnast is asked by the American government to participate in a deadly competition in the possibly fictional country of Parmistan. The competition, creatively called "The Game," is a sort of endurance race that features obstacles like ninjas and pitchforks. Our hero uses his twin skills of gymnastics and karate to win the game and kill some asshole who'd been hassling him.
Why it's awesome:
Here's a fight scene set in the Pommel Horse Square of a Parmistanian village:
This will be familiar to most foreign readers, but I should mention for any unworldly American readers that Pommel Horse Squares are a common gathering place in many rural European communities, and you should be embarrassed you'd never heard about it until now. Your education system is a joke.
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Francisco Scaramanga is an assassin with an extra nipple and a taste for bloodsport. At multiple times during the film he hunts people on the grounds of his island in the South China Sea with the help of his pet midget.
Why it's awesome:
The fact that killing people for sport was the least ridiculous part of that description should tell you how incredible Bond movies of the Roger Moore vintage were. Not bloodsport related, but still awesome: The Man with the Golden Gun has maybe the most impressive car stunt ever, the infamous spiral ramp jump. While dinking around on the Internet I found out that during the 70s, they used to do this shit in front of paying audiences, I guess while everyone was waiting for YouTube to be invented.
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An alien hunter lands on Earth and begins hunting the Earth's most powerful warriors, including Conan the Barbarian and Apollo Creed.
Why it's awesome:
Because it's fucking Predator, that's why. Broken down into its discrete elements, it's got gunplay, a ragtag group of soldiers, an alien and homemade booby traps. This movie won 28 Academy Awards in the imaginary land where I go when I sleep.
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First he was SubZero, now he's just plain zero! Get dooown! Do it now!
ReplyThe origin of these types of movies is the "Most Dangerous Game", a short story about a racist Russian aristocrat hunting people in the Caribbean. It, according to wikipedia, inspired episodes in about twenty television shows. This story is also responsible for paintball and the serial killer Robert Hanson.
ReplyThe Running Man is based on a Stephen King's novel in which a guy voluntarily presents himself to the eponymous TV program, in which the "Running Man" is hunted around the world, and the hunted man has to send messages every day to earn the money. So, the book is far more badass (and tragic) than the movie.
ReplySorry, this movie missed out on the most awesome movie by far where people are hunted for sport: Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity. Hell, its TITLE is more badass than most of the movies listed here.
ReplyI'm not sure what the relevance of my last comment was.
ReplyI was chased by bears in a movie once, but it turned out that I had just wandered onto the set of a gay porno.
ReplyWhere is Battle Royale? That movie was AWESOME, the manga is even better.
ReplyWhen I was a kid, a second-run movie theater paired Robin William's Popeye with a Japanese flick called Galaxy 999 in which an evil overlord liked to hunt humans for fun. Just about every 12-year-old I knew, including me, went to that double feature and were scarred for life by what was, for most of us, our first anime experience.
Replyin the imaginary land where i go when i sleep, predator won ALL of the acedemy awards, ever.
ReplyConsidering what Somali pirates do, I say kill all the motherfuckers.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYeah, go Russia!
Amen!!!! I don't think there's anything wrong with that,,those asses are good for nothing but trouble anyway
The worrying thing about these comments is that they completely remove any ethical responsibility from the Russians, who are after all, killing people not out of a genuine desire to make the world better, but for their own enjoyment and entertainment.
Also, since Somali pirates are basically poor, killing them every now and then will do nothing to stop piracy in the long run. That doesn't justify what the pirates do but it does explain it.
I agree that there are some situations that necessitate violence but this pirate-killing thing is just bloodlust posing as moralism yet again.
Where is Surviving The Game? Cant beat Ice-T getting chased around in the woods and shot at!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesShot at by, among others: Dr. Cox, Salieri, and Gary Busey.
Yea I was a little disappointed too.
That's what I thought would be number 1!! The scene where Ice T leaves the cigarette in the tree - genius!! I love that movie!!
It is a comfort to know there is a place where Predator received the accolades it deserved.
Replyi'm searching for a movie in which a certain group plays a game of hunting down people to death. The movie starts with a contract that is signed by the target in a building, he then runs from this building to stay alive for a cerain period of time before he is hunted down by this group. If he survives and returns back to the mentioned building where he signed the contract, he gets x amount of money otherwise he dies and his wealth is seized by this particular group as per the contract...thats all that i can remember and yes there was also a coin that was given to each person that was used by the group to track down their targets..can anyopne help me with this movie i've been searching for this movie for the past two years now
ReplyAnd no one mentions the classic John Leguizamo film, The Pest?
ReplyThats the whole reason I clicked on this list....I was hoping to see that movie on here....
i'm searching for a movie in which a certain group plays a game of hunting down people to death. The movie starts with a contract that is signed by the target in a building, he then runs from this building to stay alive for a cerain period of time before he is hunted down by this group. If he survives and returns back to the mentioned building where he signed the contract, he gets x amount of money otherwise he dies and his wealth is seized by this particular group as per the contract...thats all that i can remember and yes there was also a coin that was given to each person that was used by the group to track down their targets..can anyopne help me with this movie i've been searching for this movie for the past two years now
how is Surviving the Game (with Ice-T) not on this list? ice t plays a homeless guy who gets picked up off the street by a rich dude and offered money to run on a treadmill for 20 minutes to prove his stamina. then they offer him a weekend in a cabin out in the woods with the rich guy's buddies (which is creepy). in the cabin, they wake him up in the morning and notify him they'll give him a headstart: he has until they finish their breakfast to run like hell, then they'll come hunt his ass down. if he doesn't make it to civilization before they find him, KAPOW BIOTCH! if that doesn't make a man s**te his pants, or make his pants s**t for him, then idunno what does.
ReplyI completely agree. That was some Great Action.
Also Starring Charles Dutton, F. Murray Abraham, John C. McGinley, Gary Busey, and Rutger FU€KING Hauer!
holy crap i have got to see The Running Man!
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesits not all that great....
yes it is
Now it makes sense that you call yourself insane
It is great. But the story by Stephen King, which you can find in the Richard Bachman collection, is much, much better.
You forgot 2 of the best "man hunts man" movies(bonus, the both star ice-t!): Mean Guns and The Game.......look them up, both are made up of awsome sauce.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI concur with this guy. I mean the game was freaking outstanding
The game I know of has Michael Douglas. Don't know if I'd put it on this list, but it's a good watch.
You just lost the game.
I expected to see Battle Royale there
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesLoses points because it is A: based off of a graphic novel and B: There is no actually hunting. It's a battle royale.
A: It's not based off a graphic novel, it's based off an actual novel. B: The manga series is based off the same novel.
You damn kids and your 4chan!
Yeah, so did I. It's definately one of my top 10 favorite movies. I don't think its stated anywhere that the movie can't be originally from a separate medium.
B: There is no actually hunting. It's a battle royale.
Okay, first, "there is no ACTUAL hunting". No need to adverbize the word. Second, they were hunting each other in attempts to be the last one standing. Dick. There was very much a sense of actually hunting and strategic idealism through the entire thing.
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ReplyOk, its a good article, we get it, Chris. But you shouldn't talk yourself up like this... It's just so egotistical
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ReplySeriously??? What did I just say? You're losing points for this let me tell ya. It's almost sad...