A few months ago, I decided to compare and contrast how Jewish characters were treated by various sci-fi universes. What? Doesn't everyone get paid to wonder about such things? In any event, I examined Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, V and Independence Day, and even though the article wasn't optioned by Michael Bay to be developed into a summer blockbuster, it did fairly well.
"Sorry, Gladstone, but I just optioned Cracked's '7 Easter Eggs in History Books About Tesla' as a miniseries."
But when I heard that both Billy Dee Williams and Nichelle Nichols would be appearing at the Edmonton Comic & Entertainment Expo, I got the idea to revisit those same universes, now with an emphasis on black characters. Know what I discovered? That I am a lazy, repeating hack of a writer.
But I also learned that these universes presented black characters in a far more unified and appealing manner than Jewish ones (it must be because there are no Jews in Hollywood). In fact, it was nearly impossible to rank these presentations -- I'd be honored to have any of these characters as my house guest. I did try my best, however, ranking the universes' presentations of black characters from least to most favorable -- even if the ranking is more favorable to super duper favorable.
Even though I've ranked Star Wars at the bottom of this list, I'm not going to pretend that it presents black characters in a generally unfavorable way. It's all relative, and someone's got to be at the bottom. (I said "at the bottom." An article comparing sci-fi "bottoms" would be totally different and feature a lot more C-3PO.) Also, there's another problem. The whole "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away" stuff. I mean, some of these characters might be portrayed by black actors, but are the characters themselves black? It's probably a mistake to think like that. Indeed, at his recent Edmonton Expo appearance, Billy Dee Williams specifically said that he never limited his characterization of Lando based on race. Still, if I referenced Jawas and Watto as "Jews" in the last column, I think we can concede that Lando is black. Moving on.
She may not have looked her best, but a playa like Lando knew that Leia was only three years away from reaching her full Jabba Slave Girl potential.
Lando Calrissian is an unquestionable badass. Although we're told in Episode IV that Han Solo has a ship and smuggles cargo, he never really feels like a pirate. Instead, in Harrison Ford's hands, that character is far more of a cowboy. But with Lando Calrissian in Episode V, Billy Dee Williams delivers the pirate we've been waiting for; and not just any pirate, but a Pirate King of Cloud City. Indeed, at the expo, some of the influences Williams cited for the character were Steve Wynn, Douglas Fairbanks and Errol Flynn. Lando is a brave warrior and, ultimately, a wildly important part of the resistance in Return of the Jedi. Nevertheless, he loses some points for selling out Han to Darth Vader, even if it was to save his city. And while Lando fully redeems himself in Episode VI, as you'll see, the characters in the next entries barely have any flaws.
"What about Mace Windu?" you ask. "He's like a totally perfect Jedi warrior." That's true, but I see your Mace Windu and raise you one Jar Jar Binks. Much like Watto embraces Jewish stereotypes of the crooked merchant, Jar Jar is a CGI explosion of outdated, foolish, broken English minstrel shows. Let's call that a draw, and leave Star Wars in fifth place as a universe where black characters are portrayed favorably overall.
I tried to make a Jar Jar joke, but Cracked's new timeliness sensor kept deleting it.
In other news, all of Adam Tod Brown's columns have been deleted.
Hey, remember Elias Taylor from episodes 1 to 11 of the V series? No? Oh. Me either. It was a long time ago, and V doesn't have anywhere near the cultural relevance of these other sci-fi universes, but, y'know, I had it in the last column and I'm trying to be consistent here. Actually, I do have one clear memory of the character as a semi-retired resistance member who runs the Club Creole restaurant. Club Creole becomes the informal headquarters of the resistance, providing employment and safe refuge to Willie and Elizabeth. Taylor is killed trying to rescue Robin Maxwell. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Probably because that's when I read that on a wiki page. Truly cinematic magic.
Hi, I'm Michael Wright. You might not remember me from the role of Elias Taylor on V.