The 5 Most Ridiculous Reasons Students Have Been Expelled

#2. Refusing to Be Tracked by RFID

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When the Xbox One was revealed, people all around the world were busy doing literally a million more important things than paying attention to a press conference about a gaming system. But some people weren't. Bloggers, mostly, because they never have anything important to do. And many of those people immediately doubled the layer of tin foil on their helmets upon learning that the Xbox One was an Orwellian nightmare of privacy invasion. It has an always-on camera and microphone and requires an Internet connection to run. It's basically a toilet cam that's not in the toilet but in your house. Bill Gates will be fapping to you fapping to porn in no time.

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Fap station: engaged.

We're all quite leery of being monitored in the modern world because we want our privacy. Even if we do nothing with it and we all know that, if there was a camera in our homes, the worst thing it would be likely to pick up are your eating habits and how often you sit on the couch naked. But some things push the limits of good sense to the extreme, like a pilot RFID tracking system being used in some highschool that requires students to wear radio transmitters, kind of like the tags they put on wild animals to track their migrating and breeding habits. Only it's more to make sure the students aren't migrating and, probably to an extent, breeding.

Andrea Hernandez, a senior at her high school, didn't take much of a shine to the idea of being tagged like a pair of sneakers at Wal-Mart, so she refused to wear the RFID necklace that the school demands students wear. The school offered to let her wear a badge with no chip in it so it just looks like she's being tracked like an animal, and she refused that, too.

For whatever curious reason, when the case went before a judge, who said Andrea actually has to wear this chip or go to a different school, she and her family argued against it mostly on religious grounds -- they felt it was the mark of the beast. Few news articles mentioned the more alarming issue of how the school is tagging children like bears in a national park and how easy it is now for the janitor to sit in a room and observe how much time your kid spends on the toilet every day.

#1. Watching Glee

No one should ever watch Glee. But part of what makes America great is that everyone can watch Glee. You can put your face in a panini press, too. Or marry Courtney Stodden. Chris Peterman wanted to watch Glee one day, probably because he messed up his meds or had low blood sugar and wasn't thinking straight. It doesn't matter why.

Unfortunately for Peterman, he was a student at Bob Jones University, which, if you're not familiar, is technically an institute for higher learning with an emphasis on rejecting modern thought and instead focusing on ensuring its students and alumni are firmly rooted in a past when certain people, let's call them everyone besides white men, were considered property, God was an American who loved capitalism and hated hippies and everyone wore pressed slacks all the time. That's probably not part of the school's mission statement, but their ducks tend to quack that way, so forgive any assumptions.

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If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a piece of shit.

Because Bob Jones is so wholesome, which is to say awful and meddlesome, it expects students to adhere to certain codes of conduct even off campus. And while many schools will do the same and will take action against a student who is a drug dealer or, you know, a murderer, rarely do accredited schools have the time or the resources to obtain the fucks to give about what you watch on TV. Bob Jones is all up on that bitch, though. They have a list of no-no shows. Glee was one of them. (It's on account of the gay, you see. Glee is dripping in gay; it's like a rotisserie chicken just spinning in its own gay.) The school said it was because Glee is morally reprehensible.

Peterman, at a Starbucks off campus, opted to watch Glee on his computer, and while in this instance you and Bob Jones probably both agree you should never do that to other people at a Starbucks, the school went the extra mile and kicked his ass out for this and posting the lyrics to a Christian rock song, preventing him from graduating.

Now if you're a more cynical person you might look into how Peterman was also running a Facebook page at the time that was rather critical of a man on the board of Bob Jones who covered up the rape of a 15-year-old girl, but it was the Glee incident that they used to justify giving him the boot after assuring him he was a bad Christian for questioning authority figures and bringing shame onto the school. What a novel approach to abusing someone with religion. I wonder if anyone else has ever thought of it.

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Felix Clay

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