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The 5 Most Annoying Flaws of Modern Internet Search Engines

#2. One of the Search Terms Is Way Too Common

How about this one? Ever search for something really common? Like, maybe you're into the band The The or maybe you're tone deaf and neurologically impaired and looking for info on the band Fun. Sometimes certain words are so common you get inundated with false hits.

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty
Ultimately, I found a picture of the band by searching "stop, please stop, OMG, you're so terrible, please stop!!!!"

Or if you want an example that doesn't involve your favorite easy-listening pop recording artist, how about this one? Sometime in the last few years, I heard a quote attributed to a popular American writer. Could be John Updike or Saul Bellow -- a writer of that age and stature. He said something to the effect of: Any writer who doesn't reflect his time might as well just give up. The point was, it's not only OK to write in a way that reflects your environment, it's essential. That phrase inspired me to pursue my novel Notes from the Internet Apocalypse, unafraid that it would be too dated by reflecting how society related to the Internet at this particular time in history. I'd love to have the real quote, but when I search ...


Just too many bland words, but if you can find the quote, I'll be your best friend.

#1. Stalking People With Common Names

If you're anything like me, sometimes you stalk people from your past online. Also, if you're anything like me, I'm guessing you looked a lot like this in college:


Sorry, I'll stop with that joke.

Anyway, it's awesome when you're stalking, like, "Gwendolyn Abiganksi," or "Myron Stuvididetz," but every once in awhile you have the misfortune of wanting to investigate someone with a super common first and last name. And then what? Then you're in a sea of Smiths and Joneses and Johnsons. (On an unrelated note, "Sea of Johnsons" comes up fairly easily in a bukkake porn search.) In any event, there's a woman from my distant past that I met my senior year of college and never saw again. Her name was Heather White. There's very little else I remember, but when you search that, you find ...


Shockingly, there is no information about "played pool with long-haired guy at The Nines in Ithaca in 1995."

A better search might be "women who are horrified to find their names in Cracked articles next to entries about cream pies."



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