Cracked Columnists

The 5 Greatest Revenge Matches in MMA History

Wanderlei Silva vs. Rampage Jackson III (UFC 92)

The Long Time Coming Revenge

The first time Wanderlei Silva and Rampage Jackson fought was in the finals of the Pride Middleweight Tournament in 2003. Wanderlei won like this:

A year later, Quinton got a chance at revenge at Pride 28. It didn't go as planned.

Every fighter eventually gets knocked out, yet it's something else entirely when a fighter finds himself dangling in the ropes, left for dead by a monster anthropologists can't explain. When Rampage woke up, his first thought was almost certainly "glorp, flibblip," but immediately after that, "revenge." Four years later, at UFC 92, Rampage's chance finally came.

Rampage and Wanderlei both hit so hard that standing within 30 feet of them violates the warranty on your iPod. For that reason, they were wary to step in and trade shots. For most of the first round they circled, sneaking in single punches or leg kicks, but never unleashing the fury that inspired so many Japanese villages to feed them virgins during the harvest season. After three minutes of caution, Wanderlei landed a right hand that gave him the confidence to move in. This was exactly what Rampage had been waiting for his entire life. The left hook he threw landed so hard that the bacteria in Wanderlei's mouth died. He then started dropping punches onto Wanderlei's unconscious head to let even his dreams know: there is no place to hide from Quinton Rampage Jackson's vengeance.

Rampage vs. Wanderlei III: Rampage's Redemption:

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Tsuyoshi Kohsaka (Pride Bushido 6)

The History Correcting Revenge

For ten years, there was only one loss on Fedor Emelianenko's fighting record, and it was ridiculous. It was Fedor's fifth fight, and Tsuyoshi "TK" Kohsaka scraped his forehead open with his elbow during a missed punch. The cut was enthusiastically squirting out pints of Fedor's blood, but why should Fedor care? Face bleeding is how you communicate in Russia when the wolves are too noisy to talk over. Still, the officials stopped the fight at 0:17 and gave the win to TK. Fedor never showed any outward signs of anger, but the man who tried to clean up his blood froze solid and fell over and shattered.

Fedor vs. TK I - The Cut:

Fedor is known for his calm, some might say terrifying, lack of emotions. He was born to destroy so he simply does, and after his "loss" to TK, Fedor dispatched 16 men without a grimace or a snarl. If he hadn't been punching their heads into comas, you would have no idea that he meant the men harm. Glorious violence was only a side effect of the talent given to him by God. But when he finally got his rematch against Tsuyoshi Kohsaka, to Hell with all that.

For the first time in his career it looked like Fedor wanted something dead. Poor Tsuyoshi Kohsaka could only look on in horror while the world's greatest fighter experienced rage for the first time and redefined the ways a human body could express it. Almost immediately, Fedor threw TK into the ground and rezoned his head for strip mining. He punched and punched and only stopped to stand up and stomp a hole into his face. The ref took this opportunity to pause the fight and let the doctors glue together the remaining scraps of Tsuyoshi's skull. After some debate on the sensibility of it, they soon restarted the fight. "Heh," said a shadowy man now standing in TK's corner with a wheat scythe.

I want to say Fedor manhandled him, but neither fighter could be called a "man" at this point. This looked more like a tractor running over a sleeping bag filled with cranberries. Fedor had become Timecop and TK was the mistake that history had made. The fight had to be stopped several more times so the doctors could run a mop across TK's face, and watching the way Fedor controlled him, it was clear he could have ended things any time he wanted. Mercy came at the end of the first round when ringside physicians told the pulpy juice of Tsuyoshi Kohsaka that they were stopping the fight. "What?" he probably said from what was once a mouth. He was pulverized so severely that when he got to the locker room, they confiscated TK's organ donor card and told him he'd be lucky if future people could harvest him for soup.

Fedor vs. TK II - The Revenge:

Seanbaby invented being funny on The Internet with Seanbaby.com. You can also enjoy him on Twitter.

For more of his combat sports writing, see 10 Most Insane Acts of Violence in Kickboxing History, The Josh Koscheck Book of Insults, and The 10 Worst MMA Fights Ever.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Seanbaby

  • Rss

More by Seanbaby:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

257 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!