The 5 Easiest Ways to Ruin Any Vacation

#2. Lost Companions

My original plan was to turn Banff into a mini-family vacation. I'd fly up for Calgary Expo and then meet Wife or Wife and Kids two days later in Banff. Well after booking that first part of the trip, school, time, passports, finances, and many other things made that an impossibility. I was traveling alone.

How do you do that? When I checked into my hotel, I stumbled on the answer ...

You might be thinking the answer to being alone was writing. After all, that's a photo of a lovely blank journal, and I have been known to write. That's an excellent guess. In fact, the same thought occurred to me. But I quickly nixed it for a better one. Careful readers will notice that just off to the side of that journal is a lovely Canadian microbrew. I quickly decided the best thing to do was get drunk.

I decided to head to a bar. Specifically, the Banff Ave Brewing Company. I then proceeded to offer money in exchange for alcohol. (The Canadians are just like us when it comes to this!) First I drank this:

A beer that weighed as much as a small baby, and almost as delicious!

Then I somehow got a shot for free. Then I made friends with the whole bar, and someone bought me this:

It's vodka, Kahlua, coffee, and ice through a straw. Then I actually paid for some more beers. It was a lovely time. I've lost my point here, I think. Much like I lost the ability to control my bladder that night. Oh, wait. I think it's, if you're traveling alone, be sure to make new friends. And it's easy to make friends in Banff because, seriously, I'm not that likable.

Here is a pic with my buds, whose faces are obscured for legal reasons (they have Canadian restraining orders against me).

#1. A Bad Attitude

Vacations are finite. Finances are finite. Bad events can ruin the whole thing, especially if you let it. That's why maintaining a good attitude is so important. With my searing corneal pain, sudden bad weather, lost traveling companion, and poor packing, it would have been really easy to have had a crappy time during my short stay in Banff. But I didn't. And not just because I was drunk the whole time, but because everywhere you looked was beautiful and everyone was really nice.


Maybe it's because half the population appeared to be Australian, and I'm HUGE in Australia. Seriously, lots and lots of Aussie. Why they decided to love skiing when their homeland is devoid of snow is beyond me, but they loved the place. Then again, back home, they hunt Jews like me for sport in the Outback, but in Banff, they poured me free beers. So, really, all bets were off with these folks.

But it wasn't just the Aussies. Everyone was super nice, and everyone was super happy just to be in Banff. It was infectious. So while I may enjoy hating on stuff as much as the next guy, it simply wasn't possible in Banff.

Come see Gladstone do stand up at NYC's Bareburger on May 22, 2013 and the Gotham Comedy Club on May 28, 2013. Also, be sure to follow Gladstone on Twitter and stay up-to-date on the latest regarding Notes from the Internet Apocalypse. And then there's his website and Tumblr, too.

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