#2. Busting Up a Pint-Size Gambling Ring
Burke/Triolo Productions/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images
From Super Bowl pools to March Madness brackets, putting money on sports is generally considered harmless fun, but that's not always the case. Take the Fort Lauderdale Hurricanes, for example. You've heard of them, right? Of course not, because they're a Pee Wee League football team.
You'd think the wagering action surrounding a bunch of kids who can barely be trusted to wipe their noses or tie their own shoes would be minimal. After all, if they can't handle basic life functions, they probably won't fare any better with play-action passes.
"No! Off of the jet sweep! Their Mike froze; work to the flat! How can you not get this!?!"
That was of no concern to Brandon Bivins. He was the coach of the Hurricanes. He also billed himself as the team "president," because what youth sports team doesn't have one of those? Apparently the job doesn't pay nearly as well as the title implies, because Bivins supplemented his income by setting up a massive gambling ring that took wagers on the outcome of the same Pee Wee League games he was coaching.
These weren't minor bets, either. An 18-month investigation nicknamed Operation Dirty Play conducted by the South Florida sheriff's department uncovered evidence of bets as high as $20,000 on some games. Bets for the championship game reached $100,000. You can see lots of that cash changing hands in this video:
As if gambling on youth games wasn't bad enough, it turns out most of those arrested also happened to be league coaches.
Oh, and convicted felons! Brandon Bivins alone had eight felony convictions for offenses ranging from assault to cocaine possession prior to taking on the responsibility of molding the running backs and defensive ends of the future. Of the 10 people arrested in connection with the ring, only three had no prior convictions.
Betting on sports is usually as close as you can get to a victimless crime, but when a team of criminals start depending on the athletic prowess of children to make them money, it's probably in your best interest to keep your gambling activity limited to the office knockout pool.
#1. Does Coaching Girls' Basketball Make You a Sexpert?
Hemera Technologies/Photos.com/Getty Images
One of the cool things about coaching is that you get to pass along your skills and impart world-weary knowledge to a new generation of athletes. Most coaches will tell you that's only half the story. There's also all the valuable life lessons you gain by working with your young charges. If that's the case, certainly no one's ever claimed to have learned more than Rich Township Central High School girls' basketball coach Bryan Craig.
Craig, who also worked as the school's guidance counselor, penned a sex self-help book not at all creepily titled It's Her Fault, based on insight culled from his close proximity to female high school athletes.
#3 in Books > Advice > Seriously? > Are You Sure? > Even Ironically ...
If you take a "Look Inside" over at Amazon, where the book is currently for sale, Craig uses the foreword to explain where some of his expertise comes from:
"I coach girls basketball, work in an office where I am the only male counselor, and am responsible for roughly 425 high school students a year, about half of whom are females. Suffice it to say, I have spent a considerable amount of time around, and with, the fairer sex."
Sure, but what exactly does a lifetime of coaching girls' basketball teach you about sex? Well, there's a section about how vaginal warmth correlates with a female's race and ethnicity. That's a conversation starter you likely won't see in a sex book that's not written by a high school basketball coach. So that's a selling point. There's also a section on why "Latin women have more children."
"Answer: Me. Right, ladies?"
The most terrifying moment for parents, though, comes in the form of this helpful advice:
"The easiest kill for a man is through the young lady with low self-esteem."
That's your high school guidance counselor and girls' basketball coach, ladies and gentlemen.
In addition to his general theories, Craig is not shy about revealing his own vulnerabilities: "Even though I feel I'm beyond the highest caliber of men, I still have a weakness for cleavage and camel toe." He's so sensitive!
"Hmmm, I can just see 'em now ..."
If there's any good news for Craig, it's that despite receiving reviews that describe the book as "Vile, sexist, almost amusingly ridiculous trash" and "Very poorly written and highly inflammatory," his Amazon rating is a fairly decent two-and-a-half stars.
On the unfortunate flip side of that good news, the school board was less impressed with his turn as an author, admonishing him for his lack of good judgment and professionalism before firing him from his coaching and guidance counselor positions.
So is that the last we'll hear of the self-proclaimed sexpert? His attorney claims that Craig's First Amendment rights were violated and has filed a million-dollar lawsuit against the school district over his dismissal. If that doesn't work, he can always start working on a sequel.
Which should probably be a legal book with advice for people who used his first book.