Remember Bono? You know - the world-famous frontman of the 22-Grammy-Award-winning, 140-million-album-selling rock band U2? You know - the guy who is as well known for his philanthropic work as he is for singing in one of the most successful rock bands of the 20th century? Well guess what? Pictures of him surfaced on Facebook that show him enjoying a "RENDEZVOUS" with two "SEXY TEENS!" Let's take a look at the picture, shall we?
That's a rendezvous face if I've ever seen one.Hmm. Well, okay, I don't think anyone would deny that those are some "sexy teens." And judging by the picture, I'm pretty sure that Bono was psyched to be enjoying a rendezvous with them.
But does that make this a noteworthy news story? Yes it does, and I'll tell you why: Everyone knows that being a rock star is awesome, but if Bono, debatably one of the biggest douchebags in the history of rock music, can still get chicks when he's pushing 50, then most of us clearly don't have a clue as to how awesome being a rock star really is. Although to be honest, I seriously doubt he sealed the deal.
Based on the look on his face, I think if things went any further than posing for this picture his boner would have literally exploded.
4TARA REID IS SAD!!!
If you're a serious news junkie like I am, then you probably remember hearing about Tara Reid's botched plastic surgeries back in 2006. Well after some new pictures surfaced of her terrifying, Silly Putty-like horror-abs last month, Reid finally addressed the media last week on the subject, saying simply, "Hey - you guys seriously still care about me? Wow. That's BANANAS. I'm all washed up."1
Although Reid has to live with the "battle wounds" of her botched lipo, she says she's trying to move on, spending her time working on her first clothing line, Mantra. "I made this line about feeling good about yourself," she said2, adding, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go - I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon."3
"Wah wah boo hoo I ruined my body sniff sniff."You might be wondering why this is an important story to catch up on. Maybe you think Tara Reid is just some washed-up starlet. Well let me tell you about somebody else who everyone thought was all washed up: His name was Seabiscuit, he was a horse, and guess what he did? Oh, I don't know - only INSPIRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION TO DARE TO DREAM. NO BIG DEAL. Where am I going with this, you wonder? Fair question. Let's get to down brass tacks: Seabiscuit broke his leg, overcame the injury, and went on to win races again, inspiring all of America during the Great Depression. Tara Reid is a semi-famous starlet who turned her stomach into a horrific fleshy abomination just as America sunk into the worst economic crisis since - you guessed it - THE GREAT DEPRESSION. Now I'm not saying that Tara Reid is going to fix her disgusting, somebody-help-me-I'm-melting abs, stage a successful Hollywood comeback, and become the same marginally-talented, unremarkably semi-attractive starlet she once was. I'm not saying she'll ever match the glory of her breakout supporting role in that one movie about the kid who fucked a pie. But in these tough times we have ahead of us, we're going to need an injured racehorse of our own to overcome adversity and inspire all of us in the process. And while I'm not saying that Tara Reid is definitely going to be that injured racehorse, I'm not ruling it out, either.
This is by far the dumbest photoshopped image I have ever created - and this is coming from a guy who once made a picture of the General Lee fucking the Batmobile.Here's looking at you, Reidbiscuit. 1 Note: Tara Reid did not actually say this. 2 Note: Tara Reid actually DID say this. 3 Note: Tara Reid did not actually say this.