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The 5 Best Shirts Around the Web (And Ours Too!)

Well, we did it again. We tried to offer you some sort of reliable schedule for T-shirt releases in our Cracked Dispensary, and then we broke all our promises by over-delivering, like they meant nothing.

Not even a week after our last batch of designs, here's another one you have to deal with. Frankly, you deserve better; you deserve structure and consistency and some semblance of order. What you don't deserve is this bullshit, and certainly not more of this bullshit, but, oh fuck, look:

Two new shirts we're very proud of and excited about. We hope you can forgive us.

The Funisher

Really quickly, what's more compelling: a vigilante superhero who's targeting corruption with an arsenal of advanced artillery, or a vigilante superhero who's still doing all that but while wearing this on his chest? That's a man with nothing to lose, and it's a man who never forgets that just because he's dispensing cold, hard justice, it doesn't mean he can't have a little fun. They say laughter is the best medicine, but occasionally it's also the best murder. This design was created by a regular in our forums, David Garrote, the winner of a design contest in which we asked everyone interested to submit their own interpretation of some of the most famous shirts of the last 50 years.

Serene Tatooine

Come! See the sights! Experience the thrill of moisture farming on a planet beyond the reach of the Galactic Empire! This binary star system ensures that the entire planet of Tatooine feels like a sun-soaked beach, but without the hassles of actual water. The CDC recommends womp rat vaccinations and Mandalorian armor for incidental sarlacc ingestion (extended universe travel only).

This design is the brainchild of Chris Ballew, another winner of our design contest and a man who is now $500 richer for it. If this seems like something you'd like to get in on, we offer a new design prompt every month right here. Hey, speaking of contests ...

We Have a New Contest

We want you to submit designs for shirts that must exist in your favorite fictional universe. Nakatomi Plaza must have shirts in their gift shop in the Die Hard universe; the Wyld Stallyns must have played music for some of the best parties in history in the Bill and Ted universe, and the roadies needed tour shirts. But those are only our favorites -- submit yours here and win $500 if we turn your concept into a shirt. We absolutely will not use your idea without paying you.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

Each week we like to comb the Web and find our favorite shirts someone else thought of first. We do it because we genuinely love these designs and it would be wrong of us to keep them to ourselves. So enjoy, and buy their shirts if you have to. Surely karma will reward us for this good deed at some point.

#5.


Available at Headline Shirts.

#4.


Available at Shirtoid.

#3.


Available at Sub_Urban Riot.

#2.


Available at Society6.

#1.


Available at Design By Humans.

And One Last Thing

If you live outside of the U.S. and want to order any shirts from our store as Christmas gifts, or you just want to be the best dressed person at your holiday party, you have to order by November 18 for normal shipping. For everyone who lives in the United States, you can procrastinate a little longer, but we'd prefer that you don't.

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