The 5 Best Jokes Ever Told (Without a Single Word)

#2. The Kentucky Fried Movie -- The Response to "Show Me Your Nuts"

OK, now I've done it. This is the only entry on the list that you can give me grief on, but of the two criticisms I'm expecting, only one is valid. Yes, in this clip, the response is not silent -- but that's not the rules. The list is "no-word" punchlines, not "no-sound" punchlines, and the first verbal response is just a sound, so there. BUT, if you really enjoy finding fault with me, I must admit that after that verbal "no-word" response, the character does say words. (Specifically "Surfin' USA.") Nevertheless, I included it for three good reasons: 1) When I remembered this clip, I forgot about the follow-up sentence; 2) for me, the funny part that gets the laugh is the part that precedes the words; and 3) I received approval to do so after vetting the entry at the Bi-Annual Convention of Writers for Advancement of Proper Ethics in Blogging.

Martin Poole/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Here is my cat. I call her "The Bi-Annual Convention of Writers for Advancement of Proper Ethics in Blogging."

Anyway, the clip comes from the Zucker brothers' first film before they did Airplane! -- a stupid little hilarious number called The Kentucky Fried Movie. I can't really set up this clip without ruining the joke.

Just for clarity, this is the moment, where I start laughing.

Don't judge me.

#1. Raiders of the Lost Ark -- The Response to an Expert Swordsman

OK, I'm glad we made it through that Kentucky Fried Movie entry. Thanks for sticking with me. Anyway, this one is perfect. At this point everyone knows that this scene was brought to you by way of Harrison Ford's awesomeness. We've told you the story, and even if you didn't read that, at this point someone in your life has told the tale of how Harrison Ford, suffering from dysentery, suggested to Steven Spielberg that Indy should just shoot his attacker instead of battling an expert swordsman in the hot sun.

Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images
Thirty years later, Ford would make another poop-influenced decision when he agreed to appear in Ender's Game
after reading the script on the toilet.

I rarely feel strongly about the order of any entry on a Cracked list. I don't number them based on merit, just overall flow, but I have to say that this is just perfect. It's a perfect, hilarious "no-word" response. We've all seen the clip, so I've found a different one on YouTube that shows outtakes of some of what the real fight would have entailed. Don't worry, the real clip follows and is somehow even funnier now in this context.


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