So there's a new Ghostbusters trailer out, and a bunch of guys on the Internet are mad about it because women are in it. At times like these, I can't help but wonder if ...
... ugh. You know what, guys? I can't do this today.
We knew this was going to happen ever since the "All-Female Ghostbusters" idea was announced back in 2014. We've known what their complaints were going to be because it's the same complaints every single time. I already wrote this article three years ago when Michael B. Jordan was cast as the Human Torch. Here I am again, three years older, pointing out the same goddamn arguments that have the same goddamn holes in it. I want to be writing my new Fast & Furious sketch idea, but no, fine, I'll do this instead. Here are four dumb complaints idiots have about casting a black guy as a superhero. I mean about Anita Sarkeesian's last tweet. I mean about Ghostbusters.
4"This Movie Is Pandering!"
Ghostbusters is a reboot of Ghostbusters, a 30-year-old sci-fi comedy classic. You can tell because it features a cast that is a gender-swapped mirror image of the original cast, and virtually every scene in the trailer is a copy of a scene from the original movie. You might think that this means the movie is pandering to 20- and 30-somethings who remember this movie from their childhoods, but you'd apparently be wrong. According to the Internet, what this means is that the movie is pandering to SJWs ("Social Justice Warriors").
It seems that everything is pandering. The Oscars were pandering. So are the Marvel movies and Batman v. Superman and politicians and comic books and video games that feature women and I am falling the fuck asleep typing this. The word "pandering" gets puked up all over our pop culture so much that I don't even hear it as a word anymore. It just makes me think of pandas.
Like this guy.
We good here? Great. Next entry.
3"The Original Ghostbusters Is An Untouchable Classic With A Rich Mythology"
You probably thought that Ghostbusters was the thing I said it was in the above entry, but in reality, it has a rich and beloved mythology. Look at what the MRA blog Return of Kings is saying. (No, I'm not linking to them. Just take my word for it.)
Hey look: rape jokes and nonsensical metaphors. That's exactly what I expected to find when I typed "Ghostbusters MRA" into Google. Below that article about "ruining" Ghostbusters, there are people talking about how making Boba Fett Maori in the Star Wars prequels ruined Star Wars, and how the only way to save this film would be to have a shot of a naked Jennifer Lawrence covered in ectoplasm. These people just can't contain the creep within.
This is the highest-rated comment.
This is the same complaint people make about every comic book mythology, which reboots itself every, oh, three months or so, and every video game, even though video game stories are generally afterthoughts at best. And yet the complaint about preserving the source material only shows up when we talk about adding women and minorities. I've pointed this out before. Here are more pictures of pandas.
Sorry for pandaing
Alright, we're halfway through this. I guess I'll change it up just a bit.