Once art is released into the world, its ownership shifts from the artist to anybody and everybody. Release a song, and before the running time has elapsed there's already a dozen ukulele covers on YouTube.
It's hard to control what happens to a song after it's released, as evidenced by the four songs in this article. These songs were all big hits, but for one reason or another found big success in very specific, truly bizarre corners of life. For example ...
#4. Barney's "I Love You" Was Used to Torture People
From timeless classics to unquestionable garbage, the CIA knows exactly what kind of music can be used to ravage a person's brain. We all love "We Are the Champions" by Queen, but after 30 hours of it while locked in a small room, your brain would be jelly, and even your most complex thoughts could be smeared on toast. "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem and "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees are CIA torture favorites as well, but the single most used song is "I Love You," the song Barney the dinosaur sings at the end of every episode of Barney and Friends.
It's all a part of a procedure called futility. The "collector" of information infuses a profound sense of hopelessness within the person they're trying to get information from. Barney and his song so sweet that it has to be a satanic chant in disguise have been number one on Billboard's CIA Torment and Agony charts since the early 2000s. It's not hard to see why. Whether it's crazy Norwegian black metal or American hip-hop or highly sexualized American pop, the whole idea is to batter a Muslim extremist with music filled with messages that run up against their philosophy. So, naturally, there's nothing more anti-extremist than the unconditional love of a dinosaur.
Vince Bucci/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
War is hell.
When the writer of Barney's "I Love You" heard that his song was being used to torture people, he "just laughed." Probably while sitting on his throne of skulls.
#3. Marvin Gaye's Music Helps Animals Have Sex
Marvin Gaye's songs are sex -- pure sex. Every note and lyric from songs like "Let's Get It On" and "Sexual Healing" drips with the goo of sex funk. You can almost smell the friction of genitals wafting off those songs. They are the perfect soundtrack for boning the ever-loving shit out of another person, and not just for humans, either.
Marvin Gaye's music is so sexually charged that its sex-force transcends humanity and can penetrate the hearts, minds, and junk of the rest of the animal kingdom. Pandas are notoriously fickle fuckers, and their prime mating period is only about two days long. So when it came time for Tian Tian the panda at Edinburgh Zoo in Scotland to get knocked up, the zookeepers called a local radio station and requested some Marvin Gaye. The pandas showed signs of relaxation, but ultimately they didn't go through with it. Pandas suck and are incapable of feeling boners.
Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images News/Getty Images
"Goddamnit! That idiot's humping the log again!"
That doesn't mean Marvin Gaye's music can't make animals have sex. A zoo in Alfriston, England, played Marvin Gaye songs on a loop, along with some Barry White as a nuclear option, to get their flamingos to mate. And mate they did! Two of their flamingos got nasty and had themselves some little flamingo babies.
You'd be hard-pressed to find any actual science that suggests animals respond to the sexy tunes made by humans, but hey, why not? The sheer coincidence of some animals giving each other suggestive looks before they violently plow each other as a Marvin Gaye song narrates the whole thing is the kind of YouTube gold the world needs.