The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger
Cracked Columnists

The 3 Types of Regret That Can Destroy You

#1. Regret for What You Can Never Do

K-King Photography Media Co. Ltd/Digital Vision/Getty

This kind of regret can lay waste to your psyche if you let it. And the worst part is that you don't want to let it, but it will weasel its way in, if the circumstances are right. I hope they're not, for your sake. I hope none of you have ever or will ever have an occasion to feel powerless in the face of an overwhelming despair about which you simply cannot do a thing. You get this kind of regret when someone you care for is dying. Maybe it's cancer. Maybe diabetes. AIDS. And medical science has taken you so far, and then it says, "This is all we can do," and so you, whoever you are, a cashier, a waiter, a comedy writer, you take that in. You take a big bite. You swallow. You let it burn down deep inside. Because there's nothing you can do. You're a CBS executive trying to develop a sitcom that doesn't make babies cry and dogs howl in despair.

Watching a person die is probably the worst thing I can think of. I can think of a ton of bad things, but man, that one thing is fucking awful. One person who, above all others, needs to be here, and they can't be, and they get pulled away so goddamn slowly while you do what? Not a fucking thing. Because you can't. Because you're a cashier. Or a waiter. Or a fucking comedy writer. You don't get to save lives. You just get to watch them pass through your own.

Carlos Santa Maria/iStock/Getty Images

"You ever notice that white people save lives like this? And black people save lives like this?"

I think you come across people who can't handle this a lot, especially in dealing with animals. I think this might be the root of animal hoarding. You have a person who suffers some kind of serious mental fracture and decides they can't do for themselves, but surely they can do for a dog or a cat. So they get one. Then they get 40 more. And their goal is really to deprive the universe of the terrible fate that befalls thousands of uncared for little lives every year. They will defy the very process of nature and save these unwanted animals and give them good lives. And then the crazy person gets crazier, they're up to their ankles in poo, cats are being mummified under couches left and right, and the whole situation is worse than if the cats were living on the streets eating the shoes off of hobos. You can't change nature, ask Dr. Malcolm.

Combating what is essentially a total and cosmic sense of powerlessness is no easy task. You need balls made of pure hope and sunshine dribbling out of your ass to even come close to making it work. You need to focus your hopes on those crazy long shots and be willing to dust yourself off and move forward if they don't pan out, rooting yourself in the here and now and understanding and appreciating that life is and always will be fucked right out of your hands. You're just along for the ride. It doesn't necessarily make things better or easier to deal with, but it gives some perspective to keep your ass grounded.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Felix Clay

  • Rss

More by Felix Clay:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!