Cracked Columnists

The 3 Most Depressing Minor Characters in Famous Movies

#1. Sid (Toy Story)

Pixar

Calm your fingers. I know Sid tortured toys, and I know he's mean to his little sister, who seems to be very sweet. I know.

Sure, Sid rips apart toys, and in the Toy Story universe we hate that because toys are real and can feel pain. You know that. I know that.

But Sid didn't know that.

Sid always struck me as the loneliest kid in the world. It seemed cruel to me that he had to live so close to Andy, whose home life is just impossibly perfect. When we see Andy as a seventeen-year-old in Toy Story 3, he seems like the most well-adjusted kid on the planet. It must have been tough for Sid to see that every morning. Sid, with his filthy, grassless lawn and dark bedroom.

Pixar
Not to mention his horror movie hallway.

Andy has a wildly popular birthday party, and Sid spends all of his time playing make believe alone.

Pixar

Andy gets every toy he's ever wanted, and it looks like Sid is getting, I don't know, used toys out of the garbage?

Pixar

Andy's mom takes him to Pizza Planet as a reward for nothing; Sid skateboards there alone. We don't see his parents, but he must not have the best home life. The kind of acting out that Sid does seems awful to us, but it's perfectly in line with the behavior of kids in broken homes or who aren't getting enough attention or who are otherwise deeply, deeply sad.

So he acts out. He's mean to his sister and busies himself with the only thing that actually makes him happy: ripping apart and rebuilding toys. Because the toys are alive, that idea is horrible to us, but it actually shows real creativity on Sid's part. That Baby Mecha Scorpion?

Pixar
"'Sup."

That's cool as shit! That must have taken some imagination. Sid could have very easily been on a path that leads to some interesting and creative job down the line, maybe even a toy designer. But the toys disrupted all that when they decided to out themselves as sentient and ruin Sid's life forever.

Think about that scene where the toys prove they're alive to teach Sid a lesson:

Pixar
"Fuck you for being lonely and unknowing!"

They stomp around like zombies, cornering Sid and telling him that they don't like being blown apart and disassembled. As an audience, we all clapped, because Sid was mean to both his toys and his cute kid sister and we're glad to see him get his comeuppance, but there's no way this kid will ever have a normal life now. First of all, he'll never be able to go to sleep again, because toys are immortal and unstoppable and holy hell there's millions of them (and remember Woody assures him that toys "can see everything" while he spins his head in a complete circle like a fucking maniac). Second, he's the only one in the world who knows that toys are alive, and no one will ever believe him. He was already a weird, friendless outcast, and this is just going to push him even farther to the fringe of society.

Not only that, he's got to live with the sudden frightening realization that he's a torturer/murderer. Imagine that for yourself. Imagine you were a little kid who took heads off of plastic toys and put them on the bodies of other plastic toys. It's a weird hobby, but it's the only thing that makes you happy in your otherwise lonely life. Now imagine finding out that you've been unknowingly inflicting torture on an entire species. You have to live with the knowledge that you're a monster. You're a torturer.

It might not be all bad for Sid. In Toy Story 3, if you look closely enough, you can see that he at least can find some joy listening to music. While he works.

Pixar

Alone. As a garbageman.



Daniel O'Brien is the head writer for Cracked and author of How to Fight Presidents, which you can pre-order right now!

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