Editor’s Note: The VP debate didn’t really go as anyone planned. Sarah Palin didn’t fall flat on her face, and Joe Biden didn’t appear to open his eyes over the course of the entire evening. Last night didn’t go as planned for our columnists either. They still got blind drunk, as is their custom on days of the week after Monday. But we made them get drunk at home, and in front of the most hotly anticipated Vice Presidential debate in history. The full results can be found here, but we’ve plucked some of their most insightful comments on some of the moments everyone’s talking about today, as well as some sexually charged moments you might have missed.
On Sarah Palin’s Opening Remarks on Their Plan to Fix the Economy
First Impressions of Biden
- 8:07 PM Ross Wolinsky - What’s wrong with his eyes? They look like coin slots.
- 8:11 PM Dan O’Brien - I agree with Ross, I want to store my coins in Joe Biden’s eyes.
- 8:11 PM Ross Wolinsky - In these days of economic crisis, please, America: STORE YOUR MONEY IN JOE BIDEN’S TINY COIN SLOT EYES.
- 8:12 PM Michael Swaim - I think you’re underestimating how unsavory the retrieval process would be.
- 8:16 PM Dan O’Brien - You know, this whole election has been about Barack, McCain, and Sarah. I don’t think anyone realizes that Biden has been sneaking around. Do you guys know anything about Biden? He is FUCKING INSANE.
- 8:17 PM Dan O’Brien - If he proposed some kind of weather-controlling device tonight, I don’t think I’d be surprised.
- 9:01 PM Ross Wolinsky -Did Biden just say Dick Lugar? That is the baddest assest name ever.
- 9:01 PM Michael Swaim - It’s also a pretty decent birth control device.
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - There’s a guy named Dick Lugar?
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - I want to vote for that guy
- 9:03 PM Michael Swaim - Cock Tommy Gun?
- 9:03 PM Michael Swaim - Penis Kalazhnikov?
- 9:04 PM Dan O’Brien - You know, it seems like you guys have this covered, I’m just gonna go ahead and watch Hangin’ with Mr Cooper on ION
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - Did they not comb Biden’s hair?
- 9:02 PM Dan O’Brien - They knew this was being filmed, right?
- 9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - His hairs are mavericks.
- 9:02 PM Ross Wolinsky - They don’t fall in line.
- 8:12 PM Dan O’Brien - Okay, I’ve started a new drinking game.
- 8:12 PM Dan O’Brien - Take a sip whenever I want to have sex with Sarah Palin.
- 8:13 PM Ross Wolinsky - Everytime Dan O’Brien wants to have sex with Sarah Palin, Joe Biden smiles.
- 8:13 PM Dan O’Brien - “Bolster” *sip* “Heat up” *sip*
- 8:13 PM Michael Swaim - See, your demeaning sexism is the problem with this country.
- 8:23 PM Dan O’Brien - She’s from Alaska?
- 8:23 PM Dan O’Brien - This is the first I’ve heard of it.
- 8:23 PM Michael Swaim - Joe Sixpack lives on Main Street eating Apple Pie and abusing his 2.4 children.
- 8:23 PM Dan O’Brien - Say, does she like hockey?
- 8:23 PM Michael Swaim - I thought she was from SNL.
- 8:24 PM Dan O’Brien - If I take a shot whenever she says “Alaska” on top of the drinking I do whenever I want to have sex with her, that’s bad news.
- 8:25 PM Dan O’Brien - Hey if I suddenly stop commenting, somebody call 911. Just say “DOB.” They know where I live, and that I’m unconscious due to alcohol poisoning.
- 8:40 PM Dan O’Brien - “We’ve got to win”? THAT is your exit strategy?
- 8:41 PM Dan O’Brien - “Not lose”?
- 8:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Holy shit, give her the army already.
- 8:41 PM Dan O’Brien - It’s fresh ideas like this that we’ve been missing.
- 8:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Congress it’s all “Lose lose lose.”
- 8:41 PM Dan O’Brien - Finally, someone has the balls to say “Let’s win.” And she also has a vagina.
- 8:41 PM Michael Swaim - McCain’s got the 10,000 year plan, which I think shows some ballsy foresight.
- 8:41 PM Ross Wolinsky - It’s easier to have a 10,000 year plan when you’re 72 years old.
- 8:42 PM Dan O’Brien - WE’RE SPENDING 10 BILLION DOLLARS A MONTH???
- 8:42 PM Dan O’Brien - If I paid taxes, I’d be fucking outraged.
- 8:48 PM Dan O’Brien - See, I don’t trust Sarah Palin. She’s implying that Obama wants to meet with terrorists and just, like, hang out with them. There’s no way that’s true.
- 8:49 PM Ross Wolinsky - I actually WANT a president who can just hang with terrorists.
- 8:49 PM Dan O’Brien - “Hey, come to the White House, terrorist. Let’s just relax and watch ‘Raymond.’”
- 8:49 PM Ross Wolinsky - Just go over there and be like “Hey I know we’re all just throwing dice and talking about jihad or whatever, but hey - can you guys stop hating our freedom?”
- 8:50PM Dan O’Brien - Mr. Cooper, what are you doing complaining about crayons? You’re crazy!
- 8:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - “Get on the stick?”
- 8:28 PM Michael Swaim - See, THAT’S what I’m talking about
- 8:28 PM Ross Wolinsky - Did he just say “Get on the stick”?
- 8:28 PM Michael Swaim - He did. And he winked at Sarah Palin right at that instant.
- 8:28 PM Michael Swaim - It was subtle.
- 8:29 PM Ross Wolinsky - He’s good.
- 8:29 PM Michael Swaim - His eyes are already so squinty, it might have been my imagination.
- 8:29 PM Michael Swaim - If they get caught fucking backstage after the debates, then you’ll know I was right.
- 8:30 PM Dan O’Brien - Oh shit, Mr. Cooper just killed one of the insurgents.
- 8:52 PM Dan O’Brien -Dude, if she loses this election, her family is gonna fall apart because no one’s paying them to pretend they love each other, and I’m totally gonna take her to Olive Garden.
- 8:52 PM Dan O’Brien -“Endless pasta, baby.”
- 8:52 PM Michael Swaim -O’Brien’s always ready to swoop in with breadsticks and win the lady’s heart.
- 8:52 PM Dan O’Brien -What’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom?
- 8:53 PM Dan O’Brien -I don’t want to have sex with a pitbull in the parking lot behind a Dennys.
- 8:56 PM Michael Swaim -A bright blue zebra had to die so that moderator could look so bombin’.
- 8:56 PM Dan O’Brien -Nucular? The moderator just said “Nuclear.” You just heard how it’s supposed to go.
- 8:57 PM Dan O’Brien -Two crazy dictators’ names butchered.
- 8:57 PM Michael Swaim -Hey, you think Joe Sixpack can pronounce the names of foreign dictators? Hell no.
- 8:58 PM Michael Swaim -He’s too busy playing “America the Beautiful” on a fife.
- 8:58 PM Ross Wolinsky -Joe Sixpack is mowin’ the lawn right now.
- 8:58 PM Michael Swaim -on a hot summer’s day, while his wife makes some chilled lemonade, somewhere in anytown, USA.
- 8:59 PM Michael Swaim -Now the people from the bank are coming to tell him his house has been foreclosed on.
- 8:59 PM Michael Swaim -Now he’s slipping the shotgun barrels into his mouth, and weeping a single tear…
- 8:59 PM Dan O’Brien -Doesn’t Sarah think it’s weird that everyone else is saying “Nuclear”?
- 9:03 PM Michael Swaim -That’s right. He changed his opinion. FUCK HIM.
- 9:04 PM Dan O’Brien -Joe Sixpack feels the same about all issues as he did when he was eight and first formed opinions.
- 9:04 PM Michael Swaim -I can never get over “waffling” being such a terrible thing. Is it better to stay the course ALWAYS ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT?
- 9:04 PM Ross Wolinsky -I hate people who assess situations and change their minds based on new data.
- 9:04 PM Dan O’Brien -I love waffles.
- 9:06 PM Dan O’Brien -John McCain knows how to win a war?
- 9:07 PM Dan O’Brien -What war did McCain win?
- 9:07 PM Michael Swaim -The Franco-Prussion war.
- 9:17 PM Dan O’Brien -She’s running for Vice President?
- 9:17 PM Dan O’Brien -WHOA
- 9:17 PM Michael Swaim -No, she’s running for President, but she has to wait eight months if she wins.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim -My flaw is that sometimes I love TOO much.
- 9:20 PM Michael Swaim -like, you know, rape.
- 9:20 PM Dan O’Brien -My flaw has been considered to be too much by most women.
- 9:21 PM Dan O’Brien -They’re like “Oh my GOD, that flaw is terrifying.”
- 9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky -I love too quickly. That could be a flaw.
- 9:20 PM Ross Wolinsky -Unless you have somewhere you need to go.
- 9:23 PM Ross Wolinsky -Who’s Moose? Is that one of her kids?
- 9:23 PM Dan O’Brien -No, her kids are Bagel, Trat and Sauron.
- 9:23 PM Michael Swaim -I thought it was Odin, Brussels and Camembert.
- 9:24 PM Dan O’Brien -Pooter, Stank and Obermeyer.
- 9:24 PM Michael Swaim -Conklin, Calculon, and Wankle
- 9:25 PM Ross Wolinsky -Is it too late for me to say Bunting, Cattleprod and Slaw?
- 9:25 PM Michael Swaim -Only if I can mention Whipple, Shank, and Samsung.
- 9:26 PM Michael Swaim -Crankshaft, Spaulding and Gex.
- 9:27 PM Dan O’Brien -Dripspat, Dooper and Strunt.
- 9:27 PM Ross Wolinsky -Bunker, Tallywacker and Tubes.
- 8:58 PM Dan O’Brien -Sarah, I’ve seen pictures of your snowmobile stupid husband. He doesn’t look like he can massage your feet worth a damn. I can. I’m that guy. I have OILS, Sarah Palin, DESIGNED to make you orgasm through your feet.
- 8:59 PM Dan O’Brien -You’ll be cleaning out lady goo from between your toes for WEEKS.
- 8:35 PM Dan O’Brien -Are there any commercials in this fucking thing or what?
Biden Could Write For Cracked
On Biden’s Appearance
Why We’re Glad Sarah Palin Isn’t a Cracked Intern Part I
Palin Reveals Shocking New Information About Herself
On Palin’s Plans for the War in Iraq
Sarah Palin’s Idea of the Obama Foreign Policy
On Biden’s New Catchphrase
Why We’re Glad Sarah Palin Isn’t a Cracked Intern Part II
On The Moderator’s Choice of Attire
On Palin’s Bush-like Mastery Over the English Language
Flashbacks to 2004
Palin’s Matter of Fact Claim that John McCain Knows How to Win Wars
Dan Realizes Something Shocking
Biden Describes His Flaw and Has an Emotional Moment
Sarah Palin’s Kid’s Names
Why We’re Glad Sarah Palin Isn’t a Cracked Intern Part III
The Most Important Question of the Evening
Find the full live blog here. Also, we’ll be doing more events even liver and drunker than this. Click here to to find out about any events we’re planning in the future.
Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien
- 'Watchmen' Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks - December 26th, 2008
- Letters From Santa - December 19th, 2008
- 'Twas the Night Before Christmas 2: Christmasturbation - December 12th, 2008
- The X Most Blankiest Somethings in the History of Whatever - December 5th, 2008
- The First Thanksgiving: An Almost Graphic Representation - November 28th, 2008
October 19th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
[...] Annars har jag i veckan skrattat åt saker på den här sidan, exempelvis det här. [...]
October 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
DOB, MARRY ME ?!
October 15th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
[...] has been building towards this event. The final Cracked Presidential Debate Liveblog. We did the Vice Presidential Debate. We did one Presidential [...]
October 10th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Meh, this is better than the commentary on the forums.
David Wong:
They’ve got the format set up so Palin will have to do as little ad-libbing as possible, so don’t expect to get a lot of the “cringe” moments you’ve seen in the last couple of interviews where reporters really went after her until she got flustered.
I wish I could bold the last part. Apparently “What do you think about the Bush Doctrine” counts as a gotcha question for a Republican VP candidate.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
LMFAO OMG,
guys that was hilarious,
especially the naming kids part.. o god..
October 7th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
[...] Last week, Ross, Swaim and I brought you live, uncensored, in-your-face and up-your-ass coverage of the Vice Presidential debates, and you loved it. Tonight, Presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and John McCain will be going at it in a series of violent and bloody debates and we’re back, joined this time around by champion-of-hate Gladstone, to give you up-to-the-second reporting that the other major media outlets are too afraid and far too sober to give you. Bookmark this page, add it to you calendar, do whatever you have to. Just make sure you’re here at 9pm EST to witness something so fucking live you’ll feel dead by comparison, and so fucking political you just might shit an amendment. [...]
October 7th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Jon Stewart said it best. Sarah Palin is “the She-Bush”.
I mean, she’s not even from one of the continental 48. She’s not a real person. And to all 200 Hockey Moms out there, she stands up for you.
When she’s saying “Joe Sixpack”, do you think she’s referring to a six-pack of beer, or the muscle one? I would guess the beer, since most americans are fat shisnos.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:32 am
Dudes, very funny! You should do this again next debate.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:02 am
This is funnier than snot. It’s gold, Dan. Gold!
October 6th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
That last shot is just creepy…it looks like they’re planning to bang each other backstage later.
October 6th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Mickymick, are you actually just pretending to be Irish?
You sound like one of those guys named Dwayne or Doug who have 1/4 Irish in them and play it up on St. Patrick’s Day. They sit in the corner of a dive bar in a giant green velvet top hat and one of those oversized novelty buttons that says ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish.’
October 6th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
The Palin kids’ names were the best part…after the Mardi Gras Sarah picture.
October 6th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
WOW i love that whole the names of shara palins kids thing
conklin , calculon and wankle lmao
October 6th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I wish I were the kind of person who regularly types things like “OMFG” because the bit about Palin’s kids’ names nearly just cost me my job, I laughed so f-ing hard.
October 6th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Is that election thing still going on? Man, take your time, why don’t you?
October 6th, 2008 at 10:56 am
[...] The 19 Most Ridiculous Moments From the VP Debate | Cracked.com __________________ "Everyone is stupid except me." Quote: [...]
October 6th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Fucking with Canadians is like taking candy from babies. They will fall for it every time!! They are even easier than austrailians!
Canada, your beer sucks too!! And gives back our fucking oil! Dont make us come up there and get all bad on your asses. Oh so you think Obama wont come and kick your ass for oil? You kidding or what?
October 6th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Schweetness.
Did you guys really pull this off drunk?
Impressive resistance.
October 6th, 2008 at 2:57 am
On “waffling”:
I hoped Biden would mention that Palin was once a member of Alaskan separatist movement. What? Yes, to de-unite the United States (calling it just america, I presume). That would have been a good reply from many of the attacks on Obama. Maybe the dem’s are keeping this for before the election? Or they’re afraid she’ll put on her poison lipstick?
October 5th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
@Dony Brown - You are a Grade A idiot. It is supposed to be liver. This was a live blog. The next one will be more live. That was a joke. Cheese and rice these grammar freaks are taking the fun out of word play.
October 5th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Reading those names made me giggle uncontrollably…. unlike Palin’s grasp of english, which makes me want to vomit uncontrollably… but it’s healthier just to laugh at her kids.
October 5th, 2008 at 7:26 am
’cause I’m fucking hungry and 711 just doesn’t cut it…creeps me out because it reminds me too much of 9-11….fuck, too soon?
October 5th, 2008 at 7:24 am
So is Denny’s open 24hrs or what?
October 5th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Canada has fought in plenty of wars (Google it, I dare you), they just don’t start them. I’d mark that down in the “pro” column for Quality of Advice Giving, personally. Then again, I’m from another country that fights in/helps clean up after wars they don’t start so maybe I’m just biased.
Also, I call bullshit on that statistic until it’s referenced.
October 5th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Shii, ever heard of the Second World War?
Canada played a pretty big part in that.
They’re also in Iraq and Afghanistan right now.
October 5th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Hey guys you’re all fuckin’ awesome. Do you want to be a fuckin’ fighter?
October 5th, 2008 at 1:38 am
Oh come on Broccoli, this article was comedic gold. Lighten up. :-p
Palin’s kids “names” had me rolling. Shank and Obermeyer, I feel for you guys.
October 5th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Lol. I like how the Canadians are making fun of America.
Actual statistic: 1 out of every 300 car wrecks in Canada involve a moose.
When you guys go to war for the first time, then you can give us advice, k?
October 5th, 2008 at 1:34 am
This article only proves that Cracked, while funny on almost everything else, fails at political humour.
Guys, I know it’s an election year and you’re trying to keep up, but really…just stop. You aren’t any good at this.
October 4th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Tender spot hurting a lot? Other side too? bruises on your face and body throbbing? Is that blood running out your nose, skirt above your head in the wind, panties torn and soiled, titties swelling and turning blue by the minute, lost on the roadside, hoping not to die? Did you recognize the tail lights of the limo that threw you off? Was it the same limo that picked you up at election time, promising a good decent clean ride? Will you ever learn? Last time these guys did this to you, your babies were killed in Iraq and your retirement fund spent to do it, your taxes went up, you did not get destroyed by the weapons of mass destruction, they were never found. Poor little America. Our heart-felt prayers from Canada go out to you!
October 4th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’d rather fuck John McCain myself. He’s got a sexy walk.
October 4th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Dick Lugar is actually a pretty okay senator. I..might..vote him for POTUS.
October 4th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Sarah’s as hot as they come- VEEEEERY SEEEEXXY!!!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Poor Joe Sixpack though, no one has the guts to tell him he’s got an alcohol problem.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
hey i have an idea, make fun of Palin. no one does that anywhere else!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Gosh Darn!!!! That was good.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Yes because it’s nice to be a stereotype.
Hoots mon, och aye the noo, scuse me while I go fix my bagpipes.
Ayeee.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I did not know Sarah had such nice cans! Thats not photoshopped is it?
Hey I am Irish and being associated with drinking and whoring does not bother me at all. In fact I will have much more to say after i fix myself a strong one.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Hey Canadians, worry about your own elections and give us back our oil, ey?
October 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
The ghost of the bright blue zebra is coming after Joe Sixpack.
October 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Oh god now I WISH I’d seen that, especially to hear her say nucular. What’s next, foilage?
October 4th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Oh, DOB, I love you.
October 4th, 2008 at 11:25 am
God made alcohol so that the Irish wouldn’t take over the world.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:59 am
why does cracked insist on ripping off something awful all the time?
October 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am
pls l want to this woman am seeing in your websit hope to hear from you.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:23 am
I could’ve sworn they were Doc, Bashful, Willow, Happy, and Dopey, but I’ve been wrong before.
October 4th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Tallie you sound bitter, haven’t had your morning drink yet?
October 4th, 2008 at 7:13 am
(Although the vodka is only cheap because it’s not treated properly and is practically pure alcohol, and it’ll kill you but, hey you’ll get a buzz. You know what, if you’re going with Russian booze maybe you should get it from a bar there to make sure it’s proper vodka. But then there’s the plane ticket… you know what, just go to the off-license. S’cheaper)
October 4th, 2008 at 7:10 am
LilMoof - oh there’s an original and hilarious comment - linking Ireland with booze and nothing else. That doesn’t piss us Irish off or anything, EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEONE DOES IT. Did you know our taoiseach is a leprechaun? The same one that tried to kill Jennifer Aniston. Little green bastard. Besides there’d be no free alcohol, it’s fucking expensive here. Try Russia, they gots the vodka.
October 4th, 2008 at 5:17 am
What no one in the limp wristed liberal media seem to be talking about is how Sarah Palin is in all probability a Muslim who wants to destroy the American way of life.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Joe Sixpack is unhappy that his daughter is marrying Johnny Dropout.
October 4th, 2008 at 4:27 am
Reading some of the commentary, it seems like Palin thinks that O’Bama and O’Biden are running against her for the election. Personally, I think it’s high time we have the Irish run this country! FREE BOOZE!!! O’My!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:11 am
I read on the bathroom wall that DOB *does* do it with pitt bulls in the parking lot of Denny’s.
October 4th, 2008 at 3:18 am
Dizam! I was under the impression that this was a serious event. Sure glad it wasn’t. But it will be friggin serious when psuedo-capitalism comes down on ours skulls and rips us asunder!
Not sure if I should riff on my own use of “friggin,” my attempt to use my college education by putting a hyphen in a “word,” my use of pirate lingo, or my use of Snoopdog language to start.
Sorry, but I am an f’d up person. Nevermind.
October 4th, 2008 at 1:14 am
Absurd, DOB. You make it sound like cleaning goo from between your feet is appealing.
October 4th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Sarah Palin’s jewish?
October 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am
OMG - this is some serious shit people. Love Dan - hopefully I can camp out in his back yard if he will let me if the idiots vote Republican again.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Pssh. It doesn’t matter if he winked at Palin. She is so OBVIOUSLY with McCain. Look at that last picture for proof.
McCain: proving old men CAN score.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
The picture of Ms Palin’s family reminds me of any 80’s sitcom. Wouldn’t it make a great show? You could call it “Sarah”. Open it with a cheesy soft rock ballad, wacky hijinks for all.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Dear Mrs. Palin,
We would like to respectfully decline your invitation to build a pipeline leading small animals to the White House from Alaska for skeet-shooting purposes. Also, may we suggest better names for your children? We hear Cracked.com has a few ideas. MAVERICK ideas.
Signed,
Canadians
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Originally I just ignored this Live Debate coverage stuff cause, obviously, I can’t watch the debate and it’s hard to get jokes when I’ve no effing idea what you’re on about.
I seriously can’t resist you guys though so I read this and Swaim’s Franco-Prussian war comment made it all worth while. It’s cause he’s old right? I get it.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I think Sarah Palin’s youngest daughter/granddaughter is hot.
Oh, BTW, we have over 9000 penises.
And they’re all raping children.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Yeah! Do something on [Insert Number Here] Things to Do When You Turn 21! I’m going to be 21 soon too.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I mean, she thinks that she can see Russia from there, she thinks that the whole place is one giant oil field, with the occasional polar bear and moose.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
You know, watching her, I’m getting the feeling that she’s never actually even been to Alaska
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 pm
I was going to complain about politics not belonging on the site, until I stitched my belly button closed from busting a gut too much. Good job. And she wants me, I was into her before she was cool
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I’m genuintely curious as to why some guys drool over her. She’s attractive enough, but she’s as thick as pigshit. Are guys threatened by attractive women with decent IQs? If you just want an unintelligent attractive middle-aged woman, why not go for the mum of one of your dumbest friends?
I assumed that most men fawning over her sex appeal were idiotic conservatives who become giddy as schoolgirls at the thought of a clueless neocon female wielding any kind of power (..because ‘obviously’ that translates into kinky nanna sex).
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Thanks Haruhi, that song is now stuck in my head, along with the thought of some one leaking testosterone.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
FIRST!
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Aw, man. You guys are totally, epically awesome!
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I could do the hare hare yukai if I wasn’t so bloody manly.
Seriously, tostesterone leaks out of me in LIQUID FORM.
I feed it to babies and laugh as they go mad and kill the innocent
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I want to have sex with Ross.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Bagel, Trat and Sauron? I laughed so hard.
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:26 pm
This article is great. The whole time I was watching the debate I was wishing that the robots from MST3K would pop into existence on my couch…
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 pm
God, the whole kid’s name thing had me nearly crying with laughter. You are my favorite political analysts. Also, anal-ysts…heh heh heh.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:55 pm
And 4chan has already found us. Am I the only one who noticed in the hall of bad posts is; “I accidentally a bottle of coca cola”? Classic troll meme.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I think Pedobear is just Swaim’s new user name.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Political Science Theater 3000!
I love each and every one of you madly. And biblically. Please do this again, boys.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Haruhi- Can you do the Hare hare yukai? If not, you don’t deserve the name. And I think Dan was implying his flaw is that his penis is massive.
Dan- The comment about “cleaning the lady goo out of in between your toes” kind of made my stomach turn. That’s not pleasant imagery.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
‘I believed the folks at cracked were educated, however, I am forced to conclude likewise. In “Sarah Palin’s opening remarks to fix the economy,” 8:10 Michael Swai says: “…I can telly ou that.”
Therefore I am forced to conclude that you all are 6-years old, and will declare this article absolute garbage despite being fucking hilarious.
GOOD DAY, SIR!’
Forced to conclude likewise? Like, that they are educated? ok.
but yeah that was hilarious, good job.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Yes this debate was sort of a let down. Pallin did come off a little too polished straight out of “Debate Camp” and Biden didn’t spank her as hard as I thought he would. But overall the most entertaining aspect was reading the above play by play. Bravo!
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
what the fuck is this mess? I can’t believe you dopes, that have been doing well; actually submitted to the masses. Fire someone on the format of posting alone. I put up with the shit on this site and love the good. But for christs sake, murder whomever allowed this BS
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I agree with ‘Boring’……. this was a shit article and not funny at all.
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
i like pie
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I loves me some Sarah Palin! You may not know much but she is the best of the from Obama, Mccain or Biden. Any chick who sounds live Marge Gunderson makes me want to…. well lets just let that go. Besides her oldest Daughter has great cans!
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Gosh it’s good to be here don’t cha know? Todd and my small army are here tonight.
You know, I’m a mom, and you all get extra credit for listening to my deranged sentences.
Um, can we talk about Afganistan, again?
We are poisoning main st which will trickle down to wall street.
Gosh darnit, McCain is one heck of a maverick I tell ya.
Alaska you know, is not a foreign country. Joe, can I call you Joe? Don’t we both look like idiots up here? Ya, I have no idea what I am saying, I was programmed. Dit’nt you know my dad was a teacher?
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 pm
This is by far the funniest thing I’ve read on cracked. I come here every day, and nothing has made me laugh this hard. I literally laughed the whole time I was reading.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Hey America ,
Haven’t you guys ever heard of the names in the hat thing ?????
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I imagine Joe Sixpack is probably a lot like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. That’s the only mental image I can conjur when I hear that name.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
This article is silly, the kids are really named Inky, Blinky, and Clyde.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
oh god no not 4chan… away with you internet satan.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Who the hell is joe sixpack?
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Haruhi: Only here to molest the women
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Bider: Only there to prove Obama’s not racist
Palin: Only there to prove McCain’s not sexist
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
OH GOD NO 4CHAN HAS FOUND US!
QUICK, GET THE PLIERS, WE GOTTA GET RID OF OUR FILLINGS!
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
fail.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I wonder if Joe Sixpack has a cousin, Al Beerbelly, who comes by and jams with him on his burned out Casio.
Burned out on big city dreams.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I’ve figured out DoB’s flaw.
Whenever he is aroused, he makes a noise like a horny whale, then points at his crotch.
It doesn’t help…
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Oh my God! I thought I was the only one who heard her say Obiden! And since when McFuddyDuddy a maverick?
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
This was easily one of the funniest things I’ve read on Cracked in a while. I hope you guys do this again, or find some way to incorporate this style of humor.
It actually reminds me of the dialog stuff David used to do with John and Pinkerton, which I also found hilarious.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I drank every time somebody said maverick.
I nearly passed out.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
hahaha!!
fucking hilairious
i was lmao
but then my sister
came in the room and started screaming at me
to stfu
but hilairious article!!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Well Mr. Dony Brown, “livelier” is not the word you’re looking for, since it’s not that they are going to be “more lively than ever”, but “more live” as in “live from your faux-correcting butt.”
God I wish I’d watched this while reading the comments live, and taking a shot for every time DOB wanted to shag Palin.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Also, @woc: I’m fairly sure DoB isn’t gay.
Although if he spends as much time working on his abs as he says, he MAY be just a little bi…
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
If this is the level of candidates you get for VP, you americans are screwed…
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Haruhi, get down on your knees, close your eyes and open your mouth and you’ll figure it out pretty quick
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:28 pm
This was the greatest coverage of the debates I’ve seen yet. You guys have CNN and MSNBC bent over begging you for the courtesy of a reach-around.
I’m also glad that I’m not the only one who was completely disturbed by Sarah Palin’s pronunciation of the word “nuclear”… I kept hearing Homer Simpson in my head. Plus, and this is a fucking promise, if she had said the word “maverick” one more god damn time I would have vomited all over myself and the cokewhore that let me call her Sarah while she blew me.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
i meant “betcha” and “wantcha”
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
The names you made up have to be one of the most ridiculous and hilarious things I’ve read in quite a while. Tally ho.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
“Guy in front of a computer” thats funny, when i first heard mccain was the republican candidate i felt just like you do now.
But Sarah was kinda flirty… i think she like me.
Alwas winking at me and how she´s says stuff like
“betch” “wantcha” is sooo adorable, you might almost forget, that she hates women and gay people.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Am I the only one who really wants to know what DOB’s flaw is now?
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
DOB is hot.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I’m so happy to hear that Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper is back on the air!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
DOB… ur not alone
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I would vote for Dick Lugar only if he went by his real name……Schlong Uzi
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
zetoast: Have you met Count Baqula?
You guys should hang out.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Calculon is my favorite name from now on. My first son will be Calculon, Breather of Air. Or even my first daughter…
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
There is absolutely no way you came up with those names on the spot during the live blog.
Speaking of which, I demand to become part of the live blog. You have my e-mail already.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I just wanted to quote something and grammatically fix something.
“Find the full live blog here. And be sure to tune in for the next Presidential debate as they’ll be even (livelier), and probably drunker.”
Livelier!
Thank you!
lol
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I believed the folks at cracked were educated, however, I am forced to conclude likewise. In “Sarah Palin’s opening remarks to fix the economy,” 8:10 Michael Swai says: “…I can telly ou that.”
Therefore I am forced to conclude that you all are 6-years old, and will declare this article absolute garbage despite being fucking hilarious.
GOOD DAY, SIR!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
In the pic of Palin and her family…where’s the Down’s Syndrome baby and the prego teen daughter?
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Oh shit, that was great.
To the guy who called himself Boring and said that they were unfunny, I have bad news:
You have sense of humor cancer. You will carry it for the rest of your life.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
What? No mention of the 8 trillion times that Biden said the name “George Bush”? I think he actually mentioned him more than he talked about Obama. Have they done away with terms limits? Is Bush actually running again? That’s the impression I’m getting.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Dan O’Brien - You know, it seems like you guys have this covered, I’m just gonna go ahead and watch Hangin’ with Mr Cooper on ION
8:42 PM Dan O’Brien - If I paid taxes, I’d be fucking outraged.
….nice
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
And that picture of McCain winking with the thumbs up just made my 4-year-old shriek and run from the room…he’s gonna have nightmares for WEEKS.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Nothing about biden’s complete lie about how he’s always been for clean coal.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I loved how Biden tried to destroy the whole idea of John McCain “The Maverick”. Palin said that phrase so many times that my head nearly exploded.
Also, I mourn the death of the mighty blue zebra.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
You guys are deranged. It gives me hope.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:47 pm
nothing on how she called him obiden?
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Anyone else think Palin sounds like Bobby’s mom?
Just a thought.
Dontchaknow.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Why does this say, “By: Daniel O’Brien”?
It’s copied and pasted. Sure, most of the pasted comments were from DOB’s (slightly less than classy) comments, but it’s still copied and pasted.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Good shit
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Howitzer Schlong.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Here lies..
Dan O’Brien
Michael Swaim
&
Ross Wolinsky
Total Failures at Humor.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I hear Palin killed a polar bear with her own two hands… and a hockey stick… cause shes a hockey mom… from Alaska… where they have oil… so she says.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Did anyone count how many times she said “also”???
Am i the only one who notices the abuse of that word….
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Sarah palin is jewish
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
amazing
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Pooter, Stank and Obermeyer= fave. ♥
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
In more important news, cracked, my bday is on sunday. I turn 21. Can you write an article on that? Maybe things to do for 21st bday or something.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
i actually liked the picture of her winking at me better.