The 12 Most Baffling Genres of Stock Photo, Explained
Men in suits are the most excited they've ever been ...
- ... because the big merger went through.
- ... because they're wearing abnormally comfortable suits.
- ... because the big merger fell through.
- ... because they just remembered about jumping and happen to be wearing suits.
I am pouring the fuck out of this milk ...
- ... because I am hovering 10 feet above the glass and can only aim and pour from 10 feet above the glass.
- ... because fuck you that's how I pour my milk.
- ... because I just never learned the correct way to pour milk, I guess ...
- ... because I am Andrew WK.
You just woke up your wife in the kitchen and boy are you gonna get it ...
- ... because your wife bakes while sleeping and also she's terrible.
- ... because no other reason.
This piece of mail is unprecedented and devastating ...
- ... because there's a death in the family.
- ... because there's a death in the future, and it's my death.
- ... because my spouse is leaving me for another piece of mail.
- ... because there's a death in the Wham!ily, which is my Wham! fan club.
- ... because I never get mail and even though I'm enjoying this current mail, its very existence reminds me of how I rarely get mail. Bum-mer.
It is practically too much fun almost biting pizza ...
- ... because I'm teasing someone who can't eat pizza, and teasing is super fun haha fuck that person who can't eat pizza.
- ... because I'm at a birthday party and we're playing Don't Bite The Pizza and I hate that game but I don't want to be rude at the party, so sure, I'll smile and not bite this pizza but ugh this party sucks.
- ... because I know that in less than a second, I will be biting pizza.
Studying on the floor frustrates me to the point of visually expressing my frustration ...
- ... because I quickly realized that I don't have to study on the floor and I hate it when I'm wrong about stuff.
- ... because someone is making me study on the floor.
- ... because I forgot that I have 12 tests tomorrow but none of them are about studying on the floor.
- ... because I just read a scary fact about floors.
7 through 12 below (underneath whatever ad happens to show up below)...
i think this is my favorite article on cracked. i always come back to it when i need a good laugh.
ReplyFREE BED! :)
Replyis that one lady eating a leech-covered pizza?
ReplyGreat choices of pictures, I was hoping for more enlightenment, though.
ReplyBest article I've seen on Cracked in quite a while.
Replybabies are pretty delicious if prepared right (i like my grilled)
Replybaby, the other other white meat.
See now im hoping that you chose screen AFTER reading the article
Making an "atheists eat babies" joke (apparently popular on the interwebs) would've made the last entry. :P
ReplyLaugh out loud funny. A rare deserved kudos.
ReplyWell this was awesome. You won my heart at "I'm pouring the f**k out this milk."
ReplyThe Andrew WK one was the best.
ReplyI actually found Cody funny. Like, really funny.
ReplyDamn.
Good article. Somehow.
What, no "woman laughing alone with salad"?
ReplyOr more oddly specific: Men laughing alone with fruit salad.
I googled this and found so many men laughing alone with fruit salad!
Wow. So Cody ran out of ideas and started looking through stock photos that he'd be using if he was actually writing/researching a good article. Next!
ReplyHey, it's what I would have done!
Reply"7 through 12 below (underneath whatever ad happens to show up below)..."
That awkward moment when no ad shows up...
The bastards in #12 are the Wall Street stockbrokers who made it to work without getting tomatoes thrown on their $500 suits.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies$500 suit? C'mon!
Touche. Probably should have added another 0 to that.
They think they can throw a tomato at the man in the $17,000 suit?! COME ONE!
Babies make the best Soylent Green?
ReplyInteresting article, some of the jokes were pretty good (Free bed!). Would love to see a sequel of this, and you can make it longer by having other Cracked staff add their thoughts of the genres too!
ReplyDidn't really enjoy the article... it wasn't much of an article. I feel like I was misled when I came in here and saw "explanations" of the pictures. It was a quick photoshop that took up most of each segment of the article, and then a few one liners. So it doesn't so much feel like an article, but more like a weak observational stand up comic "Hey, how about those stockphotos! What's up with that? Am I right?"
ReplyAnd not a single dick joke.
It's not a Cracked article if it doesn't have at least one dick joke. The best ones have multiple ones, and if you can get a picture of a dick suit, all the better.
that was amazing.
ReplyI loved "fuck that person who can't eat pizza" the most :D
Reply