The 10 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Safety Posters Ever

#5. "Obey the Rules! Die 60 Years Later!" -- United States


"Please keep your head out of this vat of acid. If you don't, the minutes at this shit job will turn into hours to days to years to decades, and -- after a span that amounts to a tectonic queef on the geologic time scale -- you will look in the mirror and see that you have transformed yourself into a pruny ghoul who gives out pennies on Halloween. YOU are your own portrait of Dorian Gray. So please, keep your head out of this vat of acid."

#4. "Your Job Is Snakes!" -- Romania


This is a strange poster, certainly, but many communist-era safety posters from Romania really knew how to get wildly abstract, what with such messages as "The Eye of Sauron mows down negligent workers with tractors."

#3. "Mind the Garage Djinn!" -- The Netherlands

50 Watts

This motor pool safety poster dates back to the 1920s. I don't read Dutch, but I'm guessing that before fossil fuels went mainstream, drivers trapped evil genies in enchanted crankshafts and forced them to power automobiles using three wishes. ("Wish #1: Drive to the market. Wish #2: Drive to my house. Wish #3: Turn off the headlights HURRrrrk.")

#2. "Lift With Your Vagina!" -- Israel


This poster -- which encourages "proper lifting" -- would be perfectly innocent if you worked in some sort of, uh, burlesque box factory, but the Hebrew word for "lifting" is jam-packed with innuendo. Finally, a poster that sexually harasses your workers so they don't waste precious company time sexually harassing each other!

#1. "Secret Cult Is Death!" -- Nigeria

Southern Illinois University

This incredible safety poster warns students about "secret cults," or criminal fraternities that operate on Nigerian university campuses. The artist went for broke, throwing in everything from Satan to cultist party girls to Jesus Christ firing Scripture passages and lightning bolts out of his hands.

Southern Illinois University
"I had to whip out my electro-powers when all you bastards got jazzed about Thor."

This is but a sample of Southern Illinois University's collection of weird-ass Nigerian public awareness posters. Other key moments include an explanation of Sharia by way of Goofus and Gallant ...

Southern Illinois University

... a poster explaining how pushy white businessmen need freshly harvested eyes for occult rituals ...

Southern Illinois University
"Brett came to the country club sporting a garland of primo hazels. I won't be bested by that Dartmouth fuck."

... and finally, several helpful "Know Your Shapeshifter" diagrams, which hammer home that a skin-walker might be in your midst if your cat sprouts human breasts.

Southern Illinois University
Santa grew suspicious when he began receiving money orders addressed to "The Deposed King Blitzen."

You can find Cyriaque Lamar on Twitter.

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