#5. Ridiculously Excited Sports Announcers
Out of respect to subtlety, I really love listening to foreign announcers pronounce English names. It's hilarious to me when I hear a jumble of unfamiliar words laced with thick accents and then something like "Bob Smith" pops up in the middle. I will laugh every time because I am 12. On the not-so-subtle side, "LARRY, LARRY, LARRY, LARRY, LARRY, LARRY, LARRY -- FIIIIITZGERALD!" I could seriously watch these all day. Like this one, where the announcer is clearly having his first orgasm:
Or this one, where GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLL!
#4. Penguins Discover Rope
If you had read me that title and expected me to excitedly click on it, you'd be wrong. Genocide wrong. But point my head at the monitor and force me to watch it, and I'm like, "Why didn't you show me this before, you asshole?!" It's the most wonderful mood-boosting video I've seen in a while. A group of penguins discover a rope that's tied to some rafts, and they have no idea what to make of it. So, like any curious being, they study it for a few seconds and then decide, "You know what? I think I'll trip myself over that on purpose." And then they do. All of them.
#3. Little Girl Discovers Ice
Speaking of "OMG SO CUTESIE," this is a 14-second video of a barely old enough to walk little girl discovering ice for the first time. It's cute enough on its own, just watching her stomp around on that little frozen puddle, but it's the end that gets me. She's so bundled up that she can barely move, so when she bends over to get a closer look -- "Foont."
#2. Long Live the King
This is another short one. It's only six seconds long, but it's perfect. It's just a guy's dog trying to climb up on the bed and its owner turning it into a scene from The Lion King. The fact that this video has less that 2,000 views as of the writing of this article makes me want to punch the world. We owe this man more than that. Somebody find out who that is and give him money and our eternal thanks.
#1. Turkey Attack!
If you knew how hard I laughed when I first saw this video, you'd have me committed. And if you knew how hard I still laugh, 30 viewings later, you'd have me executed. It's a woman shooting something or other when a turkey decides to check her out. She starts freaking out a little and telling it to go away between "Oh my God" gasps, eventually full on running away and screaming. Yep, that's funny by itself, but what really makes me lose it is when she gets to her car. She continues to film as the turkey circles the car, out of vision. And then, like the world's greatest horror movie, its head pops up into frame, and I laugh so hard, my abs cry. It's so goddamn stupid, but I can't stop watching it.