#3 - #4. Gerard Butler and Clive Owen
Gerard Butler was the abs and beard that played King Leonidas in 300. Clive Owen was the eyes and haircut that played the lead in Croupier.
Shouldn't be much confusion here: Butler looks like he eats three Owens for breakfast just to get enough protein to scream apart the furious lions that are constantly attacking him after confusing his animal musk for that of a rival predator. Apart from them both being British, light-skinned and dark-haired, where's the commonality here?
So which one was in Shoot 'Em Up, the brutal action flick so gloriously, magnificently stupid that the main character was actually based on Bugs Bunny? That's Butler territory. When you need a woman shoot-boned in the middle of a firefight/sex-scene, you ring for a Butler.
That was Owen (and he was awesome). Don't feel bad, you were probably confusing it with Gamer, starring Gerard Butler, who was literally a video game character, not a cartoon character. Totally different parody violence genre!
But isn't Owen usually the art film type? He was in Children of Men, right? That's the kind of action flick it seems like he would do. Children of Men was a sci-fi thriller, sure, but it was a thinking man's headbuster. Gerard Butler is the guy that busts the head of the thinking man while he's all distracted doing pussy shit like thinking.
So which one was in Machine Gun Preacher? Jesus, that title alone screams Gerard Butler until the blood vessels in its throat explode. But wait, what's that bit about the preacher? Oh, this is a movie about child soldiers in Africa, and a missionary trying to save them? All right, that's totally Owen then.
You know, the guy that played the ancient king with nigh-on supernatural powers.
Oh, sorry: They both did that. Butler was Leonidas. Owen was King Arthur.
#1 - #2. Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan
All right, I'll admit it. I just ran out of ideas here. There's no way anybody is confusing whatever that guy's name is with the man who played John Motherfucking Winchester.
Th...the dad from Supernatural?
Nobody? Dang. All right. Let's do this:
Javier Bardem plays psychopaths with stupid haircuts in movies like Skyfall and No Country for Old Men. Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays stern but loving fathers on paranormal CW masterpieces, and romantic leads in comedies that your mom forces your dad to watch if he wants to get to third base this weekend, like Grey's Anatomy and P.S. I Love You.
All right, easy base line established: Guy that murders hillbillies with a cattle gun; guy that shows menopausal women what it means to love again. Never the twain shall meet.
So which one was in Eat, Pray, Love? You know, the wacky Julia Roberts housewife fantasy that spawned a thousand very unfortunate, entirely misinformed sex vacations to India? Gotta be Morgan.
Holy crap. I haven't seen the film, but I assume he gently screws a silencer onto a pistol after finally making love to Roberts, then puts two through a pillow and into her head.
It's okay if you got that last answer wrong. You're probably just getting it confused with the other three-word, list-titled romantic comedy about a fish out of water traveling outside of her comfort zone: Peace, Love and Misunderstanding. That one stars Morgan.
What about Vicky Cristina Barcelona, yet another three word list of unrelated terms, this time an intellectual dramedy about having a three way at a Spanish villa? Man, that has to be Morgan - that guy is always banging chicks you wish he wouldn't. Scarlett Johansson, Catherine Keener, your mom...
Wrong again! It was Javier Bardem who got to star in an hour and a half long film about having a menage a trois with the Black Widow, the son of a bitch.