Cracked Columnists

The 10 Best Pieces of Comedy Genius Hiding on YouTube, Pt. 9

#5. Insane Inspiration

Matthew Silver is a street performer in New York City whose only goal in life is to make people laugh while he spreads words of love and positivity -- all in the guise of a full-fledged Speedo-wearing lunatic. If you passed him during a performance, you'd swear he was a drunken homeless guy, ranting about the end of the world, but there's always a layer of profound wisdom in his sea of fart noises and chicken bawks. I don't mean that figuratively. He ... well, watch the video, and you'll see what I mean. I wish I had the power to start an online movement to get this guy into every movie Hollywood makes from here until the aliens finally decide to exterminate that city. I think the world needs him a lot more than he needs the world.

#4. Sims Dog

Nine seconds. That's all it takes to convince me that there are people worth dying for in this world. And I would die for whoever noticed that dog in their Sims game, set up the in-game camera to capture just the sidewalk, filmed it flop-walking across the screen, and set it all to the perfect soundtrack. It's so perfectly executed, it almost makes me angry, knowing I'll never be able to create something that funny in that short of a time span.

It's like the dog was possessed by some sort of comedy demon that manipulates its host into walking with what I can only describe as a "joy rampage." If there are any scientists reading this, I will give you every penny I ever make for the rest of my life if you can create a real-life dog for me that can only walk like the one in this video.

#3. The Greatest Prank Reaction Ever

I don't know if this was set up or not, but after watching their other videos, I'm going to assume it wasn't. It's a woman and her son setting up a "prank" on the dad, who has just pulled into the drive after a long day at work. She quickly sets up the scenario and makes her kid do an evil laugh, then puts the camera on a shelf to capture what is sure to be the most awesome joke ever pulled on another human.

The dad walks in, and the mom quietly sprays him with silly string. Drained and emotionless, the dad stands there, motorcycle helmet in hand, as the string bounces off his body like the last drips of liquefied hope from his emotional raincoat. She sprays twice more, both times as silent and empty as the first. Finally, he angrily tosses his helmet to the ground and goes back outside as his son throws a sad pink balloon at him. Not a water balloon -- a regular one filled with air, its lack of weight causing it to float pathetically to the ground, far from the ever-growing shame that forever builds in his father's cold, black heart.

The anticlimactic tone and complete disconnect from the mere idea of a prank makes this one of my favorite videos of all time.

#2. Ice Cream Awesomeness

This guy is to ice cream what the Harlem Globetrotters are to basketball. I'd give a play-by-play, but it would end up being 3,000 words long, and it still wouldn't do the man justice. In the simplest terms, all he's doing is scooping out and giving one ice cream cone to a customer, but you can see that the man has clearly mastered his art as he scoops, flips, and steals back the cone over and over again. Each time the customer reaches for it, he does a new trick, keeping it just out of reach. He even goes as far as putting the cone in the guy's hand, then, when the customer looks down, it's gone again -- in its place is another empty cone.

If you'd have told me at any point in my life that a video of a guy scooping ice cream would make me instantly happy, I'd have spin kicked you right in the beak for even suggesting it. But here I am, watching this video and smiling like a little kid mesmerized at his first magic show. And that's what this guy is: pure magic.

#1. RoboCop Penis Rampage

I'm doing something I've never had to do before in an article: I'm embedding the censored version and linking to the uncensored one. The reason is because the above video will give you a good idea of what's going on, but in order to get the full effect, you really have to see the raw dog version. However, you need to understand that the uncensored one is EXTREMELY uncensored. It is not even remotely safe for work, and if you're squeamish, it might actually make you throw up. Also, there are lots and lots of naked dicks in it. Exploding. Exploding, fully naked dicks.

If you can handle all of that, I guarantee that you'll not be disappointed. I couldn't imagine how much money it took to make this video, but I will go on record as saying that even if it cost half a billion dollars, it would have been totally worth every penny. I also want to go on record as saying that when I die, I want this video playing on a loop right beside my coffin at my wake, because everything that could ever be said about me is wrapped up in this one unbelievably well made, disturbingly funny video.


John is an editor and columnist right here at Cracked, with a new article every Thursday. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook.

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