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Woody Allen on The Cracked Blog

The Top Nine Rejected American Apparel Billboards Featuring Woody Allen

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

I’ve take issue with American Apparel advertising before (particularly their penchant for selling me clothes by showing pictures of women wearing no clothes whatsoever in the grainy light of an early 70’s snuff film), and, as predicted, legendary film director Woody Allen is joining the Swaim-train by suing them for running a billboard featuring a picture of him without his permission. You know, now that I made it all cool to hate on them.

9.

American Apparel has been forced to take the billboard down and publicly apologize, and while I still think they’re a load of perverts, it’d be a shame for their series of nine Woody-related ads to go almost totally unseen by the world. Thus:

8.

7.

6.

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Posted in Advertising, American Apparel, Law, Woody Allen | 15 Comments »

Woody Allen, Laugh Tracks and A Guy Who Makes Dog Armor: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Monday, December 10th, 2007


Awesome Video Of The Day

Speechless Hollywood

I get what United Hollywood is trying to get across with these spots, but I think watching Woody Allen sip coffee in a silent room for 22 minutes would actually be a pretty good show. If I were a television executive and somebody pitched that to me, I’d throw it on the air immediately. It’d be called That Woody! and it would generate billions of dollars in revenue, which I would use to finance a new gameshow where people get to keep all the money they can eat in one hour. I’d call that one Common Cents or GUTBUSTERZ!

Can somebody please tell me why I don’t have my own TV network already?

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Posted in Animals, Nooners, Video, Woody Allen, Writers' Strike | 16 Comments »

An Open Letter To Ricky Gervais

Monday, November 19th, 2007

Dear Mr. Gervais,

I understand you turned down a chance to work in Woody Allen’s next movie, saying “Woody Allen isn’t Woody Allen anymore.”

Hey, you’ll get no argument here. Woody Allen hasn’t had a good movie since 1994 — a great one since 1985. On the other hand, shut the fuck up. This is still Woody Allen. Y’know, Bananas, Take The Money And Run, Sleeper, Annie Hall, Manhattan, Purple Rose of Cairo. Does he really have to do another thing?

And I’m sorry, am I missing something? Aren’t you the same guy who agreed to appear in Night at the Museum? Based on that, should some up and coming comic ignore the genius and hilarity of your work on The Office and Extras? Oh, yes, Ricky just isn’t Ricky anymore.

There’s no doubt that something has gone very wrong with Mr. Allen. And there’s no reason you should suffer through his latest Brit-fetish script, but, come on, you’re English. How about a little tight-lipped discretion? Unless you were making a joke? Y’know, one of those cringe-comedy things you excel at? Because, you’re right, it is almost laughably uncomfortable that a guy who’s generated two excellent sitcoms would feel the need to shit on a 70-year-old comedy legend who’s written books, plays, stand-up, and five of the greatest movie comedies in the history of cinema.

Good one, Ricky. You still got it.

Posted in Comedy Legends, Ricky Gervais, Woody Allen | 24 Comments »