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Violence on The Cracked Blog

Martin Luther King Would Be Proud: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Monday, January 21st, 2008

Awesome Video Of The Day

An Interesting Response

This video is pretty average in a lot of ways - there are about a billion videos of people punching each other in the face on YouTube - but it does have one redeeming factor: it marks the first time in recorded human history that somebody has responded to a punch in the face with the phrase “Ah, fuck - I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

Not in TOTAL human history, mind you; with over 6 billion people on our planet, I’m pretty sure there are a handful of people out there who, after being punched in the face, have turned around in disbelief and said, “Ah, fuck - I can’t believe you’ve done this.” I’d estimate that it’s happened around 14 times in a handful of different languages, but never before has there been a camera around to document it. This 11 second-long video marks the very first time that it’s been recorded for posterity’s sake, so don’t write this off as another typical dude-gets-punched-in-the-face-on-YouTube video. It might be a video of a dude getting punched in the face, but it’s also historically significant.

You know - because the guy says “Ah, fuck - I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

Incidentally, this particular blog post is historically significant in a very similar way: it marks the first time anyone on the internet has said “barnacle shuffle” or “King Tut’s balls.” What do I win?

Skateboards, Mountain Bikes and A New Way to Eat Butter: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007

Awesome Video Of The Day

Skaters Rule, Bikers Drool

If you’re like me, you don’t really like watching anything more than 10 seconds long. That can make things difficult sometimes, but as this video shows, a lot can happen in 10 seconds. Be sure to watch it with the sound on. That’s really important.

If you get into a fight at a skatepark and you whip the other kid with a branch, that’s pretty bad. But if you whip a kid with a branch, get hit with a skateboard and collapse to the ground crying, well, I don’t even know what that is to be honest. Viral video infamy, I guess.

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The Office, Human Resources Attorneys and People Getting Hit In The Face: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007


Awesome Video Of The Day

People Getting Hit In The Face

I tried really hard to find a video to post today. Honestly. I found a good one, too, and I started to write about it, but it kept coming out vitriolic and mean. I tried deleting it and starting over, and I tried taking a break for a little while to clear my head, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually I abandoned that one and started looking for something else.

Then I found this video of cats doing dumb things, but it just seemed too easy, too obvious. Then there was a speech by this Republican politician, but that seemed too political. I thought about the Cracked Blog, about what it is at its heart, about what its readers might want to see. I loaded up the page: “Cracked.com: America’s Only Humor & Video Site, Since 1958.” Then I remembered that Cracked.com is a humor site, and that people who come to Cracked.com want to see things that are funny. I asked myself, “What’s funny?” Then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks:

People getting hit in the face is funny.

Enjoy.

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Brawlin’ Baldwins

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

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The Baldwin brothers—Crimey, Lefty, Christ-y and Chinbutt, from left to right—are of course widely respected for their excellence in squinting, screaming, preaching, and occasionally acting. But new revelations suggest the fearsome foursome shares at least one other true talent: a world-class aptitude for domestic violence. As Chinbutt Christ-y “Stephen” told reporters recently:

We were going at it in the kitchen and my mother was making some food. My brother Daniel, he grabbed me by my hair and started slamming my head into the (oven) flame. My mother got caught in the fracas and she caught one (thump), and her bridge and a couple of her teeth got knocked out. She didn’t really get hit with a punch; Daniel wouldn’t let go of my hair and I was getting too close to the flames, so my mother bit his hand and bit him so hard it started to break his skin, so he pulled his hand away and her bridge went flying and a couple of her teeth got pulled out with it.

The brothers seem to be taking their traumatic memories in stride, however; when asked what the family called this incredible whirlwind of chaos and violence, Baldwin is rumored to have replied, “The Aristocrats!”