Home > Blog > » Teenagers

Teenagers on The Cracked Blog

Nobody Ever Said Parenting Was Going To Be Easy: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

Girl’s Mom Is A Stupid Fucking Idiot

You know what is the absolute worst? When your stupid fucking mom gives you your brand new Lexus ON THE WRONG DAY. Seriously. How hard is it to get that right, mom? Buy me the Lexus, throw me the party, then give me the Lexus ON THE DAY OF THE PARTY. Do I have to write it down for you? Christ.

That’s why I don’t understand why this video is titled “Spoiled Girl Cries Over Getting A Lexus.” The problem isn’t that she’s spoiled; it’s that her STUPID FUCKING IDIOT of a mother can’t get the timing right.

You only turn 15 once. Most people get married more than once these days, so in a way, a 15th birthday is more special than a wedding. Considering that, I think it’s totally understandable that this girl would want it to be absolutely perfect, and what could make your party more perfect than receiving a $60,000 gift that you aren’t legally allowed to drive yet? It WOULD’VE been perfect, I guess… you know, if mom hadn’t gone and fucked everything up. When you see shitty parenting like that it’s just about enough to make you puke.

So when you read YouTube comments that say things like:

“Fucking. Stupid. Whore. I would fuck her up.” - Suprcassanova

“Oh my god she cried for that? I hope you read this CHOKE ON A F*CKING DOG’S COCK spoiled bitch” - nefasto80

“I hope she gets pregnant.” - RIShearer1985

Just remember that they’re all misdirected. And if you’re a 15 year old girl who cries when you receive a luxury car for your birthday, think about this video, reassure yourself that your mom is a total bitch who wants to ruin your life, then tell her you hate her and cry your little eyes out. You earned it, little princess!

Posted in Cars, Idiots, Nooners, Rich People, Teenagers, Video | 80 Comments »

You Don’t Know Shit About Throwing A Rager: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

Awesome Video Of The Day

The Coolest Kid In Melbourne

Remember that party you threw back in high school when your parents were out of town? That was pretty crazy, wasn’t it? Remember how your friend Todd’s older brother got you guys a bottle of Southern Comfort and a couple of 40s of Mickey’s with his fake ID? That was so awesome. And then remember when those three girls showed up with a six-pack of Zima, and then someone put sardines and ice cream in the blender together and dared your friend Tim to drink it, and then he threw up all over the living room carpet? You guys must’ve stayed up, what, until like 2 a.m.? Good times, man. Good times. That was fucking NUTS.

Well it might make a nice memory, anyway, but it turns out that your dinky little high school rager was totally lame - this kid is teaching the entire internet how to throw a proper high school kegger, and, more importantly, how to play it off like a total badass after you get caught. Between the open fur-lined sweatshirt, the nipple ring, the ridiculous sunglasses and the totally nonchalant attitude, I’d say this kid has a bright future ahead of him as a professional party promoter. That or an ecstasy burnout. Or both.

Doesn’t it kind of seem like the interviewer wants to laugh her ass off? She was probably there when it all went down, anyway. Australia is cool like that - the crappy TV reporters party with the high schoolers, the high schoolers throw rocks at the cops, and the cops fine the high schoolers’ parents $20,000. Toss in a few kangaroos and an AC/DC CD and you’ve got the Australian circle of life right there.

You know what? Fuck it - I’m moving to Melbourne.

Posted in Alcohol, Idiots, News, Nooners, TV, Teenagers | 18 Comments »