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Internet Tattoos Are A Great Idea: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

Some Guy Getting A Tay Zonday Tattoo

Just for the record, I completely support this guy in his decision to get a tattoo of Tay Zonday. It’s not like “Chocolate Rain” is just some passing internet fad with a half-life of approximately one year or something. We’re talking about “Chocolate Rain” here! The thing has been viewed 18 million times! Surely all of those people will remember Tay Zonday for the rest of their lives, right? Yes, it’s going to be annoying when people from the other 99.997% of the global population (do the math) ask him “what’s up with that tattoo?” and yes, that’s going to be happening to him for the rest of his life, but that’s a small price to pay for having a hilarious internet joke permanently etched into your skin - particularly one like “Chocolate Rain” that will totally never get old or stop being funny or anything like that.

Yet still, for some reason I can’t help feeling sorry for the guy. It’s not because he now has a tattoo of Tay Zonday on his arm, and it’s not because he’s going to be explaining it to people for the rest of his life. No - I feel bad for him because he has just unwittingly joined a very exclusive club of people who have shitty tattoos that are famous on the internet. Now he’s going to have to start hanging out with Zune tattoo guy, cat ass tattoo guy, Star Wars tattoo guy, Hulk Hogan tattoo guy, and maybe Mr. Cool Ice if he’s lucky. Which sounds great at first, but seriously - what in the name of God are those guys going to talk about? Zune guy is gonna be like, “The Zune is superior to the iPod in every way,” and Hulk Hogan tattoo guy will be like, “Hulk Hogan is superior to the Zune AND the iPod in every way.” Meanwhile the Star Wars tattoo guy will be trying to explain why Boba Fett is badass to Mr. Cool Ice, but Mr. Cool Ice doesn’t speak English, so that’s going nowhere. It’s going to be a complete and utter disaster, but hey, Tay Zonday tattoo guy: it was worth the 31,000 YouTube views, wasn’t it?

Posted in Douchebags, Internet, Nooners, Tattoos, Video | 19 Comments »

Monkeys Are Strong, Bulldogs Are Lazy and Rejected Breast Implants In A Dude’s Leg: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

Monkey & Dog Doing Situps

I stumbled across this clip on YouTube after halfheartedly watching The Moment of Truth on FOX. Have you guys seen that one? It’s that lie detector show where people answer increasingly horrible questions and ruin their lives for the chance to win FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. Why can’t we take a hint from Japan and start airing good old-fashioned entertainment again? You know - like a show where a dog helps a monkey do sit-ups. If they put that on FOX I would watch it dutifully every single week. They could call it Animal Magnetism… only that kind of makes it sound like they would be having sex with each other, which is a totally different kind of TV show. How about Spot Me!? If they named the dog Spot that one would be a double whammy.

I could see a monkey doing sit-ups with a bulldog holding his legs down on American TV, but to flip it around and have the BULLDOG (not) doing the sit-ups? That’s so insane it could only come from the brilliant mind of a Japanese television writer. I’d make some sort of bold statement like “Japanese television writers must all smoke crack!” but I have a feeling that most of them probably come from respectable families and come up with their ideas in drug-free workplaces, so scratch that one.

Which just got me thinking… I know this clip is from Japan, but do you think when Chinese people have a really late business meeting and their bosses say “I need you all to stick around,” do you think they say “Can we order American?” Food for thought.

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Posted in Animals, Japan, News, Tattoos, Television, Video | 29 Comments »

Zwarte Piet, Kid-Kicking and The Worst Tattoo Ever: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Thursday, December 27th, 2007

Awesome Video Of The Day

The Three Layers of Zwarte Piet

Christmas might be behind us, but I think this video of Zwarte Piet kicking some kid in the face transcends the holiday season.

There are three layers to understanding why this 12 second video is funny. I have some time to kill right now, so I’d be more than happy to walk you through them if you’re interested.

Zwarte Piet (aka Black Pete) is a black slave from Spain who was emancipated by the Dutch Santa Claus (Sinterklaas). Rather than enjoy his freedom alone, he opted instead to accompany Saint Nick on his travels. If Dutch children are good, Zwarte Piet will bring them presents. If they’re bad, he’ll “stuff them in his huge dufflebag and spirit them away to Spain.” That is the first layer.

To continue the grand tradition of Zwarte Piet, the Netherlands have to embrace institutionalized minstrel shows. That’s the second layer in a nutshell.

The third layer is the fact that a kid gets kicked in the face. I’m not sure if that constitutes its own layer of hilarity, but even if it’s just two layers total I’m pretty sure this video is still hilarious. You know - because foreign cultures are weird and it’s funny when kids get kicked in the face.

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Posted in Christmas, Kids, Nooners, Tattoos, Video | 12 Comments »