Interviewing wrestlers must be hard. They probably give you a long list of things NOT to do when you first get the job, like keeping food in your pockets or looking them square in the eyes. Still, I’ve gotta hand it to this guy: He managed to keep his cool in the face of utter catastrophe.
I’ve also gotta hand it to Lex Luger: He did his best, all things considered. But unless this clip was being aired live, why in the name of God did it get out?! Did this meet the producers’ and directors’ general standard of excellence? It’s usually pretty high in the world of professional wrestling. The only explanation I can come up with is that the cameraman was slated to film an anti-steroids PSA the next day and decided to kill two birds with one stone.
(edit: A friend of mine - one who actually follows wrestling - says this video is “Tron Guy old.” Hopefully there are still a handful of people who haven’t seen it.)
When you were a kid, did you ever have one of those dreams where you’re naked in front of your entire school for no apparent reason? I did. Here’s the thing, though: I might have been completely naked, but other than that I wasn’t doing anything particularly stupid. I was just standing there, naked as the day I was born. Then everyone started laughing and I ran away.
It would be really embarrassing if that happened in real life, but being fully clothed and doing Stacy Hedger’s routine would probably be way worse. Running offstage would only take a few seconds. This video, on the other hand, is close to three minutes long. Can you imagine doing that in front of an audience for three solid minutes?
I want to know how this was allowed to happen. Seriously. Where were her parents? Where were her friends? Couldn’t someone have given her an honest opinion before she got onstage?
When a criminal does a horrific thing, people often say that “we as a society failed him.” Society failed Stacy Hedger, too… but at least it produced a hilarious YouTube video.
When MySpace Fails
A few months ago, a friend and I came up with a “great idea.”
Most inventions, we decided, were simply combinations of other inventions that had never been put together before. With that in mind, we brainstormed for a while and eventually conceived of a device that could wash both a window and your face… at the same time. It would be like a thick, wearable towel. You’d put face soap on one side of it and Windex on the other. Then you just rub your face against the window, and BAM! Two birds with one stone!
I bet IHateCilantro.com was conceived of in a similar manner: two people hammered out of their minds, slurring nonsense to one another in a dark alley at 4 a.m. But unlike most people who come up with “great ideas” after binge drinking for 7 or 8 hours, these guys actually pulled the trigger. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m impressed either way. With 17 pages of “cilantro stories”, 8 pages of cilantro haikus, and some marginally active forums I think it’s safe to say that this mediocre joke - starting an “anti cilantro community” - has been fully realized.
We get it, guys. You hate cilantro. Surely there’s something else for you guys to do on the internet now, isn’t there? Go start a war with the “I Love Cilantro!” Flickr Group or something.
Wild Card
I was waiting for my Chalupas at Taco Bell the other day when I noticed a strange object sitting in a small plastic display case in the kitchen. Knowing I was in the presence of something truly bizarre, I whipped out my camera and snapped a picture of it. You know those “Visible Man” anatomical models? I’m pretty sure this is a “Visible Taco.”
But what purpose could it possibly serve? If it’s a guide for making a basic taco, why aren’t there other “visible” models of other, more complex menu items? What happens if you order a Taco Supreme? What if you order a burrito, for God’s sake?! What then?!
Maybe it’s not a guide at all. Maybe it’s an award for General Taco Excellence or something. I have no idea. Do you? Leave your suggestions in the comments!
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED prose, fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied. Also, we love disclaimers.
