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Fun with Yahoo News Photos

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

I’m not ashamed to admit it, I’m a big fan of Yahoo News Photos. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t get some form of entertainment or edification out of a visit to their pages, whether it’s adorable pictures of an eight-limbed superbaby, or fashion show highlights where you can sort of see somebody’s hoo-hah. But today had such a bumper crop of quality items that I just had to share them with you. Let’s begin!

911_scallops.jpg

Mmmm… succulent deadly terrorist scallops. That looks like the most delicious, butter-drenched national tragedy I’ve seen in a long time.

airline_security.jpg

Above, a passenger waits to pass through one of LAX’s new high-tech airport security stations. (Alternate caption: “Claudia Suarez, the new head of the National Transportation Safety Board, has bold ideas about improving airline security. There’s just one problem: she has to get past La Migra first.”) And finally:

most_viewed.jpg

I honestly have no idea why nipple this photo would be on the is that the right place for a nipple “most viewed” list—after all, it’s giant weird nipple several years old, that particular nipple pointing right at me couple isn’t married anymore, and it’s not a very nipple is scaring me good picture of Ms. Anderson’s face, what with I will never sleep again those big sunglasses. I’m stumped.


Posted in Breasts, Food, News, Pamela Anderson, Terrorism, Travel | 3 Comments »

Pamela Anderson, Rick Salomon and Paris Hilton Require Your Undivided Attention

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

pamrick.jpgImagine for a moment that you’re Rick Salomon. What does that mean? It means that you grew up rich among the upper echelon of Hollywood’s elite, but your crowning achievement is changing camera angles while receiving a blowjob from Paris Hilton… without interrupting the blowjob. That’s actually nothing to sneeze at, come to think of it. I can’t think of anything that Paris has ever done that can trump it, except maybe surviving this David Letterman appearance without killing herself in front of a live studio audience.

So if you’re Rick Salomon, and the entire world has already seen you railing Paris Hilton, where do you go from there? Apparently, you go get a marriage license with Pamela Anderson. Then you tell Tommy Lee that he did a bad job of fucking your bride-to-be in their sex tape. Then you’re in the news again for a few seconds and your name will be fresh in our minds when your sex tape accidentally “leaks” in a few months. Sly fox, that Rick Salomon!

Here’s what you have to look forward to when that Anderson/Salomon sex tape inevitably surfaces:

  • Classy camera angles like “shaky handheld” and “boring tripod”
  • Exotic locales like “on a bed” and “in the bathroom next to the shitter”
  • A really clever title like “One Night In Pamela”
  • Director’s commentary, bonus grunt track

OK! Magazine is now (quite responsibly) reporting the reason Pam’s rushing off to the altar: SHE’S PREGNANT! How do they know? An anonymous tipoff provided all the evidence they needed, apparently:

“She definitely looks like she’s got a bit of a bump,” one source tells OK!.

Good enough for me! Pamela Anderson is definitely pregnant with Rick Salomon’s baby!

To be honest, it sounds like they might be jumping the gun a little. Those two are way more likely to spawn some sort of terrifying new STD than a baby. Come to think of it, someone should probably forward this story to the World Health Organization. If anyone needs me I’ll be at the free clinic.

Posted in Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Pregnancy, Rick Salomon, Rumors, Sex Tapes | No Comments »