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Kirsten Bell on The Cracked Blog

The sluttiest Heroes analysis in town

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

heroess2e8.jpgThe big news in Heroes-land this week was the apology from series creator Tim Kring for the slow pace of the season so far. Apparently, the show’s writers “aren’t very good” at telling love stories, and maybe the new characters were introduced “a little slowly” and also maybe keeping Hiro in ancient Japan for seven episodes was “not fucking very bright.”

Those quotes aren’t verbatim, incidentally.

I won’t be too hard on Kring here, because frankly it’s refreshing to see someone from a show be so up front about it’s weaknesses. Nevertheless, Tim, it probably would have been handy if you’d noticed these things sometime before all those episodes were filmed.*

*Here of course I’m assuming that Tim Kring regularly reads this blog, as do countless other Hollywood writers and producers - an assumption I feel comfortable making, having seen no evidence to the contrary.

Which brings us to Episode 8, the dawning of a new age in the Heroes world. According to the omni-present ads, all the mysteries of the past 4 months would be revealed. Will this mark a turning point for the franchise, or has it slipped forever from the attention of today’s ever-fickle youth? I hear the kids talking about that new Kelsey Grammer show a lot these days. Maybe that’s stolen Heroes thunder.

Things We Learned: (after the jump)

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This Heroes recap contains several excrutiatingly boring jump rope scenes

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

22197868.jpgIf you’re a fan of The CW (and statistics prove that you’re almost certainly not), then you were likely on pins and needle last night waiting for the Heroes debut of Veronica Mars star Kirsten Bell. And if that’s all you were looking for, then you didn’t go to bed disappointed, as indeed Heroes was on TV last night, and a character played by Kirsten Bell did appear on it. Everything else about the show would likely have let you down greatly. And disappointing fans of The CW is no small feat.

Despite my eloquent protests last week, this episode continued to spend an inordinate amount of time on the development of a new Hero with uninteresting powers. I consider it a personal slap in the face that the show’s creators were unwilling to scrap a multimillion dollar episode and then rewrite and re-film it within a week. Come on guys. Someone learning how to jump rope is not very gripping television. That should have been taught to you on the first day of television school.

Other things we learned:

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