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Heroes on The Cracked Blog

The Second Episode of Heroes contained a Mysterious Plague Of Boredom

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Well that wasn’t terribly exciting.

All of the subplots sort of shuffled along their way, but none of them really threw up any surprises. The whole episode felt very much like the writers were simply moving characters around the playing field, sliding things in place for whatever the next set piece is going to be. Having balls-out action for twenty four episodes a year probably isn’t possible, but it feels a little early in the season for a place-holder episode. All in all, I’d have to give this episode 3 Mohinders*

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*(where 5 Hiros is the highest score, and 12 Jessicas is the lowest.)

alejandro.jpgIt wasn’t complete uneventful however. Here’s some things that we did learn:

The twins have a horrible curse: they’re from Honduras. Also the girl carries an impossibly horrible disease, which makes her a sort of comic book version of the Typhoid Mary. Fortunately it would appear that her brother can cure whatever she’s carrying, making him some sort of Penicillin Mary.

Isaac made more paintings of the future, as yet unseen. What great mysteries could they contain? That the writers have run out of ideas already?

Matt Parkman has been a detective for the better part of a day and hasn’t accidentally sat on or eaten his badge yet.

Peter has amnesia, and has gotten himself tangled up with a bunch of Irish gangsters. Many viewers will note that this is basically the same premise as last season’s cancelled post-Heroes show, The Black Donnelly’s. Does someone at NBC have their career staked on the pursuit of the 18-49 Irish-criminal demographic? The answer (yes) is dwarfed by the greater question, “Why?”
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The Haitian was sick, but he’s better now. Mohinder sent him to California where he was reunited with Mr. Bennet. Prepare yourself for a lot of hushed conversations in the break room of Copy Kingdom.

West is persistent, kind of creepy, and probably a pervert. Dogs can see him.

Takezo Kensei has a +4 resistance to arrows.

The Season Premiere of Heroes was not a Complete Bag Of Ass

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

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Well if the season premiere of Heroes was any indication, the big mysteries of the second season are going to revolve around events that happened in the past. Whereas the first season had the characters moving towards a pre-determined conclusion (an exploding man that manages to explode somehow), the second season looks like it will be more about the characters investigating their predecessors, and the conspiracies surrounding them.

The most interesting plot thread from this episode was Kaito Nakamura (Hiro’s dad) revelation that he, along with the Patrellis and Linderman, was part of a group that tracked down and, if the mood suited them, killed people with powers. A revelation he made shortly before being killed himself, by one of the same group. Which sort of reminds me of that old saying, “if you lie down with murderers, don’t be surprised if you wake up covered in murder.”

Meanwhile, Mohinder and Mr. Bennet have some sort of scheme underway to infiltrate The Company. Although they don’t seem to see any problem with discussing their plans over fucking cell phones. The Company, you’ll recall, is the technologically sophisticated and superpower enhanced organization known for being secretive, paranoid, and when the mood suits them, killing people. In other words, if any organization on earth is capable of intercepting a cell phone call, it’s these guys. They’re the fucking Cadillac of intercepting phone calls. Can Mr. Bennet be that stupid? Actually, that’s stupid enough that I almost wonder if it was deliberate. But that gets into a whole “he knows that we know that he knows, but what he doesn’t know is that we don’t know that he knows…,” which could make your head explode if you think about it after a heavy meal.

And continuing on the Mysteries Of The Past theme, we have Hiro, who is way, way, way in the past, almost comically so. As I sort of predicted earlier, it looks like Hiro is either going to nurse Kensei through all of his adventures, or do everything himself and let Kensei take the credit. A powerful lesson in Learning To Be Assertive is brewing here, I can smell it.

Other thoughts:

Best Part: This episode contained absolutely no Jessica/Niki. That alone probably qualifies this episode for an Emmy.
Worst Part: Matt Parkman and Molly living together. Not only is it weird, their dialog is appalling.
nathan_riker.jpgAlso, suddenly Matt’s a good cop? How long will that last? Last season I had a running bet with my girlfriend that he’d drop his gun on his foot at some point.

Best line. Hiro: “Oh no! I broke history.”

Best facial hair: I really dig the Commander Riker that Nathan is sporting in the second season. That is a great way to attract Star Trek fans, and certain types of gay males.