You’re Almost Definitely Reading This on an iPhone
Thursday, December 27th, 2007Usually we leave the blogging up to the experts (that guy who assumes everyone has an unhealthy obsession with porn, and that other guy who assumes everyone has an unhealthy obsession with Starpulse) but Cracked.com’s Editorial We had to take a moment to share some big news with you (that’s right We get capitalized and you don’t. Start a multi-billion dollar humor operation and then we’ll talk).
CRACKED.com announced today that a full .25% of their website’s traffic comes from web surfers using Apple’s iPhone.
“We couldn’t believe it when we saw the numbers in Google Analytics,” Cracked assistant editor David Wong said. “For every 100 people that visit CRACKED, one-fourth of one of them is iPhoning it up. Probably just the head, one arm and maybe part of the torso. It’s really the only way they can log in, the poor, deformed freaks.”
Editor Jack O’Brien expressed little surprise at the website’s veritable iOnslaught of iTraffic. “The typical Cracked.com user is a man on the make. He needs his comedy in numbered lists because he’s busy closing deals and having sexual intercourse with women,” O’Brien said before putting down the company’s ad pitch script to push an intern’s head into a fart.
Editorial assistant Dan O’Brien predicted that, “In the future when everyone in the world has an iPhone, one fourth of the world will be visiting Cracked every single day,” though, given O’Brien’s history with wildly inaccurate predictions, (flying cars in ‘93, bears that can teach math by ‘97, and a gay, robot president in 2004,), this comment should be taken with a grain of salt.
The Cracked staff expressed tentative plans to ask Apple for “a cut of some of that iPhone loot.” Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment.
