The 10 Lamest Super Bowl XLII Ads (Part 1)
Monday, February 4th, 2008What happens when two Cracked bloggers–one irrepressibly chipper and optimistic, the other a bitter, hollow, withered husk of a man (that one’s Ross)–are locked into a chat session without anything to sustain them but the ten worst commercials to air during Super Bowl XLII? Read on, and you just may find the answer.
Michael Swaim: You’ve got it all wrong. They can fly, but the white man keeps them “down,” both in the figurative and, here, literal sense. It’s a symbolic call to revolution that I think is long overdue.
Ross Wolinsky: Are you implying that it was a white man flying the plane that almost killed him?
Michael Swaim: The plane itself was white, and I think that says something.
Ross Wolinsky: I’ll concede one thing: the guy looks great in that suit.
Michael Swaim: On a positive note, with Hancock coming out, I think we’re finally reaching a place where society is ready to talk about flying black people. It’s about damn time if you ask me.
Ross Wolinsky: You’re just overcompensating to not seem racist.
Michael Swaim: Look, talk all you want, but when you’re the first one snatched by the Airborne Brotherhood of Namibia, don’t come crying to me.
Michael Swaim: BOTH! And how can you not like this?! AMERICA CHOSE IT! It’s the definition of Democracy. Are you against Democracy, Ross?
Ross Wolinsky: Here’s the thing: I LOVE the song (bought it WAY before the Super Bowl), I LOVE Democracy, and I REALLY LOVE Doritos. Too much of a good thing?
Michael Swaim: Only if you try and exercise all three at once. Nothing kills my voting buzz like going into the booth and finding nacho cheese powder everywhere.
Michael Swaim: Hey, have you noticed that “Kina Grannis” sounds an awful lot like “kinda badass?”
Ross Wolinsky: If I bought every product that SOUNDED like something cool, I’d have WAY too many products, Swaim. C’mon - you know this commercial sucks.
Michael Swaim: What I know is between me and my heart.
Ross Wolinsky: Liar.
