The Man Was in Jungle Fever, for God’s Sake
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Science has long challenged the status quo, smashed our established belief systems and forced us to re-examine our core perceptions. Now, they have enacted a similar imposition of topsy-turveydom in their creation of the world’s blackest material. Naturally, this discovery totally calls into question the world’s previous holder of the title “blackest thing in existence,” Wesley Snipes.
My friends, I urge you—don’t do anything drastic. Suicide is never the answer, and though our ebony idol may face dethronement, he still deserves his rightful place among the universe’s blackest things. Snipes has an undeniable, immediate blackness, an intrinsic quality that even light-trapping carbon nano-tubes cannot diminish. In fact, a cursory comparison of the two may rebolster your flagging confidence in Mr. Snipes:
existence for a few weeks).
So until carbon nano-tubes are in New Jack City, Wesley Snipes will remain the paramount black thing in my heart. You lose again, science.
In the end, all this discovery really does is push Samuel L. Jackson down another peg.
Sorry honky.
When he’s not blogging for cracked, Michael makes specious comparison videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
