Before I was a Cracked blogger, I did a short stint as an amateur wrestler named Snapneck McDanger. It was a decent gig: the money was good, I met a lot of interesting people and got to do a little bit of travelling to boot (once I even got to go to Tampa!). I built quite a name for myself, taking down some notoriously tough opponents1, but all good things must come to an end, and after only a few short months of working the circuit, a rare medical condition2 forced me into early retirement.
I met Super Dragon out on the circuit a few times. He always seemed like a nice guy, but I have to say that I probably would've chosen to handle this situation a little differently. It always seemed to me that if there were thirty people watching my match, and if only ONE of those people was a total Snapneck McDanger superfan, well, then that would probably be the one person that I WOULDN'T threaten with a folding chair. And if I was going to threaten them with a folding chair, it probably wouldn't be for CHEERING ME ON. I'm not Super Dragon (I'm Snapneck McDanger), and he's obviously free to handle his business any way he sees fit, but if you're reading this, SD, take a little advice from me, Snapneck McDanger: If you're an amateur wrestler, your most important signature move should be APPRECIATING YOUR FANS.
And I should know, too. You know - because I used to be an amateur wrestler named Snapneck McDanger. One who was forced to leave the business because of very mild eczema who then went on to become a humor blogger.
1 Ever heard of Elbows McFierce? What about Tommy McFacekick? Elroy "The Kid" McPunchy3? Anything?
2 Very mild eczema.
3 His favorite move was punching.