Cracked Columnists

Our 4 Favorite Shirts for 'Ninja Turtles' & 'Star Wars' Fans

It seems like every major movie these days is based on an existing property. They're all from a comic book or a novel or an old hit, if not a straight-up rehash of one of the same four stories that Hollywood (a rapidly imploding industry) recycles. Luckily Hollywood Ouroboros-ing itself to death has some good aspects, namely that all the things we already love will inevitably return to the big screen as soon as The Croods 2: I Got a Crood Attitude flops and makes way for them.

If you're a TMNT fan, good news! They're cowabunga-ing their way back into theaters with a massive budget, even though their original movies objectively sucked. And while we can't control Hollywood, we can control our own T-shirt store, which is why we mashed up Leonardo with Michonne on an attractive army-green tee.


Wanna see Superman fight Batman? You will in 2016, which is why we're here at our offices every day, lobbing plot ideas and ways not to fuck it up over Hollywood's castle walls. (Also, how is Wonder Woman a third lead and not the star of Wonder Woman IV: This Franchise Would Print Money if We Bothered to Do It?) Anyhow, we see the movie industry's failure as a chance for T-shirt success and offer you this return to Superman's roots, with the comeuppance he deserves from a classic American car.


Do you think the Federation's being run properly by the Abrams administration? His latest outing gave us a disappointing Wrath of Khan remake with ridiculous plotting for action's sake. We need a revolution (not that kind), or at least a Star Trek where heady utopian ideas get rubbed in a dumb Romulan's face, West Wing discussion-slam-style. Anarchist government is as unlikely as the Enterprise's crew of peaceful genius hot people, so celebrate dreaming that idealistic dream with one of our favorite black shirts.


Speaking of black tees from universes the creator of Felicity now controls, our DROIDS shirt takes your old favorite robot and combines it with your new favorite robot (or your least favorite, depending on how often it's buzzing at you). Whether you're a fan of Star Wars or just convinced that Apple's iPhone is the R5-D4 of the smartphone world, this T-shirt's got your favorite droid comedy team in one fresh design.

Don't Kill Your Idols -- Pixelate Them

We run design contests pretty often, and our current one isn't over till Friday. We're looking for icons of pop culture as 16-bit art. From album and book covers to movie characters to historical moments, they all need rendering in Sega Genesis form. So rummage through your brain and find something you can early-'90s up. Then post your idea to our forum thread, and if we like it enough there's $500 in it for you, in addition to your idea on a shirt and your name featured on Cracked as the person behind that "Meet the Beatles! Select Player" idea.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

If there's one thing Hollywood loves to do with established properties, it's own the shit out of them. For instance, that possessiveness is why we probably won't ever see Spider-Man in a new Avengers movie. At Cracked, we prefer an artistic environment that celebrates everyone, which is why we scour the Internet every week for the best new designs we can find, then assemble them in this space for your browsing/cart adding/maybe-buying? pleasure.

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Available at Threadless

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Available at Teepublic

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Available at The Yetee

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Available at Design By Humans

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Available at SnorgTees

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Alex Schmidt

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