Hello class of 2013, we've come a long way together. You checked in with us first thing every morning, you pulled all-nighters with 25 tabs open in your browser, you even took us with you to the bathroom. By now your diligence has no doubt paid dividends at parties, in bars, even during real classes at real institutions when you get the opportunity to waggle a single finger in the air, your eyes shut in smug righteousness and announce "Well actually, I read on Cracked that ..."
We couldn't be prouder to usher all of you out into the world as our distinguished alumni, and to ensure that you remember your alma mater, we are offering you T-shirts instead of diplomas. But like any institution of higher learning, this shit isn't free. Sorry.
We are proud to offer our Cracked Alumni shirts that you can wear while you bravely take on the future as lawyers, doctors, cage fighters, astronauts, soldiers, and, with any luck, substitute teachers ready to blow some goddamn minds for a day. So get out there, you heroes -- show the world just how powerful knowledge can be, and also maybe buy two of these shirts because you're sometimes bad about doing laundry. And now we're offering 15% off on the Alumni shirt through November 24th with the promo code: ALUMNI.
In addition to the Cracked Alumni shirt, we're also offering this brand new shirts hot off the presses. Well, more accurately, hot off some warehouse floor.
Why try to collect hundreds of Hard Rock Cafe shirts in every major city around the world just to prove you're well traveled when you can wear one shirt that says it explicitly? Plus, you don't actually have to go anywhere. Hell, you could lay low in your shed for a month, and as long as you come out wearing one of these shirts, everyone will be asking you what French wines are the best or to translate the directions on their IKEA bed frame.
And for those of you with more scientific tastes, we offer the Basstronaut, sharing the gift of rattling blown-out speakers with our intergalactic neighbors. They say in space, no one can hear you scream, but they will have no choice but to listen to your reggaeton.
We still have a contest running for designs of shirts that must exist in your favorite fictional universe. It's a good time and the winner(s) gets $500. But if you want to get in on the challenge, you'll have to submit by Friday because the contest ends at 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time. Or just go peruse* the thread at your leisure, there are some outstanding designs in there already.
Every week, we like to wander around the Internet in search of the designs we were never smart/funny/brave enough to try slapping on a T-shirt. We love these shirts and we think they deserve as much attention as possible. We are by no means fashion experts -- in fact, many of our editors only own pants that come with a drawstring -- but we know what we like in a shirt design, and goddamn these are cool.5)
Available at SnorgTees .
Available at Shirtwoot!.
Available at Stylinonline.
Available at Headline Shirts.
Available at Redbubble.
*And by peruse we mean the proper definition of examining it thoroughly, a fact you no doubt waggled your finger over when you read it above, you brilliant shining alumnus.