Cracked Columnists

New Shirt for Resident Evil Fans

The most important step in preventing the spread of any disease is public awareness. Coincidentally, this is also the first thing everyone forgoes in a zombie movie. For some reason, all the characters forget that the word "zombie" even exists and has existed for a hundred years. Instead they have to relearn what it means in every single film. Not to mention the fact that whatever umbrella company is responsible for the viral exposure does whatever it can to bury the story and pretend like nothing is wrong. Well, we're strong believers that, in the real world, a zombie outbreak could never happen, specifically because, in the real world, we have runs for that kind of thing.

As every city over the past 20 years has proven, the second best way to create disease awareness is with a fun run. And until the day that red-and-white-striped pinwheel ribbons that celebrities can wear to the Oscars exist, you'll have to settle for these shirts.

But we're trying something new with these designs: We'll only keep one in our store. So, like some amoral, impossibly reckless pharmaceutical company with a t-Virus on its hands, we'd like to put you, the public, in charge of what actually spreads into the world.

Pick your favorite Resident Evil-based running swag right now and we'll back it, while the other one will get a quick bullet to the head ... metaphorically.

Design Your Way into Some Money (and Fame)

A THEORY: There is no logo that can't be improved through parody. We took a Star Wars-y stab at testing that theory and came up with this shirt:

It's a classic fakeout, like an empty escape pod that turns out to be carrying the droids down to Tatooine. It's also incredibly fun to make, so why not come up with an original logohack of your own and post it here in our newest design contest? A Starbucks logo dedicated to Star Fox, a Taco Bell logo spelling out "Bathroom," and a John Deere logo for John Dies at the End are all ideas that are way worse than yours, and that's exactly why we need you. Come up with something better by March 21: The winner gets $500, earns fame, and restores honor to his/her family.

Our Weekly Dose of Shirt Envy

Corporations don't just shower us with logos and flesh-eating bioweapons. They're also the reason necessary evil that gives us our Internet access. So thanks, businesspeople, for letting us all laugh about Resident Evil: Giraffe Sex together. And thanks for letting us scour a single Internet for our five favorite new shirts of this week and put them all in one place for our fellow surviving humans to enjoy.

5)


Available at Society6

4)


Available at Shirt.Woot

3)


Available at Redbubble

2)


Available at Society6

1)


Available at Glennz Tees

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Alex Schmidt

  • Rss

I

To turn on reply notifications, click here

14 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!