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Sports And ABBA Is Like Farts And Cars: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Gus Johnson: Dancin' Queen Diva

I don't know much about basketball, but Wikipedia tells me that guy on the left is Clyde Frazier, who is apparently a very famous former NBA player and current spokesman for Just For Men hair products. That's good to know, I guess, but the look on his face when the guy on the right (Gus Johnson, who Wikipedia tells me is also famous) starts singing "Dancing Queen" completely transcends my lack of knowledge of basketball.

You don't need to know a damn thing about basketball to know that dude looks REALLY bummed out.

Is there really no place for ABBA in sports? I'm pretty sure I've heard "Dancing Queen" while cosmic bowling and playing mini golf, but is that as far as it can go? Is it really so wrong for a full-grown man to express a healthy appreciation for Swedish disco?

I know the connotations: Disco is kind of fruity and sports are the opposite of fruity, therefore sports dudes can't admit to liking disco. That sounds simple enough, but you know what? I'll bet all those dudes making shitty faces and nodding disapprovingly all know the words to "Dancing Queen." I bet a good number of them have it on their iPods buried in a secret folder named "Untitled," and I bet the file itself is renamed something like "Eye Of The Tiger" or "Sports Mix Vol. 1" or "I Can't Get Enough Pussy - What Can I Say? I Just Really, REALLY Like Pussy," which is weird, because that's obviously not a real song title.

If you're reading this, members of the basketball community, I have a message for you: loosen up a little. The gay 90s came and went, and now, in these enlightened 00s of ours, it's totally socially acceptable to admit to liking ABBA. Also, please change the rules of your game to make it not seem so boring to me. All that running back and forth... it's a real snoozefest. Try to incorporate weapons or booby traps or something.

Oh - also, please teach me how to dunk. That would be awesome.

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