I don't know about you, but when I heard the Spice Girls were getting back together, I had to rethink my whole masturbation schedule. I mean, how could I get these ladies into my rotation? Who would get bumped? Vanna White? Paula Zahn? The actress who plays the mom in my Tivo'd episodes of Alf? So many fine ladies.
It was a hard decision. And I started to think maybe I just didn't have room for the Spice Girls. If only this had happened last year when Joan Collins hit 73 and was replaced with a younger more nubile Ann Margaret. 66! ROWR!
But then I heard that the Spice Girls were gonna be pole dancing!
A source tells British newspaper The Sun, "The girls all agreed that a pole dancing section in the show would be fabulous and sexy. And they wanted to get some proper lessons from professional dancers."
Pole dancing! That's awesome. I haven't been this hot since I saw Sophia Loren do the limbo! So I've readjusted my schedule, and I'm now devoting Wednesday afternoons solely to these smoldering vixens. I've also declared Thursday, "Heal up from chaffing day." Sorry Martha Stewart and Goldie Hawn. It couldn't last forever.