When I saw on Google News yesterday that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag of television “fame” were tortured on a game show, I nearly shat my chair. The number of people in the world who want to see Spencer Pratt brutally tortured is rapidly approaching the population of India. The prospect of him and his less-annoying-but-only-just girlfriend getting tortured while television cameras watched, produced some sort of horrible gastrointestinal Pavlovian response in me.
After a bit of investigation however, it appears my chair was in no serious danger. Nothing even remotely approaching torture happened to the pair. It turns out that while on the show I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! Heidi forgot to eat for three days, and her stomach began eating itself. She was then rushed to the hospital, idiot boyfriend in tow. The only person who actually claimed she was tortured was Spencer’s sister who, despite not being present at the scene, still has a fucking Twitter feed that’s apparently considered a capital-S “Source.” Nice work Journalism.
Look at the smug little bastard, with his $2000 purse.
With no actual torture to make hilarious torture jokes about, I was a little stuck for article ideas. Fortunately for me, Spencer was sending text messages to the outside world throughout this whole ordeal. Also fortunately, to supplement our income a little, Cracked had a cell tower installed on the roof of our building, and consequently all cell traffic through the western hemisphere is now routed through Cracked servers (AT&T are idiots). It was a simple matter then for me to pluck Spencer’s texts from the ether.
It turns out Spence sent over 23,000 text messages during his two days in the jungle. However the vast majority contained only the characters:
:-|
Which at first I thought was some kind of technical problem. It was only after I showed it to DOB that he explained to me: “It’s the emoticon for a blank look.” He kind of swore under his breath after that, and then slammed the door really hard.*
(*DOB doesn’t actually have a door to slam of course, much less an office–it was just the door to the staff kitchen. Also, we were both on the same side of the door when he slammed it–afterward we just stood there, staring at our shoes. After a few seconds he opened the door again and went back to his desk.)
Anyways, I’ve plucked out the text messages where Spencer actually says something, and removed any identifying features about the recipients (they were mostly minor celebrities, but also for some reason a Los Angeles area Pizza Hut).
__
Sent: 10:05 PM June 5th
O sick! They put us in a cra-z little room with a cot and it’s made of wood like a tree.
Sent: 10:08 PM June 5th
we have to sleep here because we left but then wanted to come back because they have cameras here
Sent: 11:23 PM June 5th
That was f’ed up bro! A spider just bit me, and as soon as he did he fell over dead. All the other spiders are running away now. What do you think that means?
Sent: 08:19 AM June 6th
i have no idea who any of thees other celebrities r. I thought you were supposed to be famous 2 be a celebrity? What you were in a bunch of movies once? Ha ha loser.
Sent: 11:34 AM June 6th
Foods good. Lobsters and ahi and like tostada things from a little food trailer just off the set.
Sent: 11:38 AM June 6th
it’s great cuz I get Heidi’s food. shes not eating to make her chest look bigger. science?
Sent: 11:50 AM June 6th
What the fuck is this Dasani bullshit? do I look lik a homeless person?
Sent: 11:58 AM June 6th
Oh Jesus no! Heidi’s feeling sick. She is dry heaving all over an ugly plant. I am helping her with prayers but the plant it so ugly it’s hard.
Sent: 12:11 PM June 6th
Oh jesus why do you make some plants so ugly? When I get home I am going to get really into plants and fix them.
Sent: 12:18 PM June 6th
Heidi is making hilarious sounds. I’m gonna record a video of this. this is hilarious
Sent: 12:21 PM June 6th
oh i’m in trouble now. please help me jesus. demons made me make a mistake and i am sorry.
Sent: 03:31 PM June 6th
Heidi’s still sick and the sounds ar5e less funny now. fuck this noise. lets go home
Sent: 04:05 PM June 6th
What the fuck? We’re in the ambulance and I’m rapping with the parimedic that I really respect him and his people and then he punches me in the mouth.
Sent: 04:19 PM June 6th
i tried to kick at the paramdic but he just pointed at me and said something in Spanish. He’s CRAZY dude. I’m sitting on the other side of the ambulance now. I think my mouth needs crutches
Sent: 04:42 PM June 6th
we’re at the hospital im gonna get this paramedic fired. Jesus please help me get this man fired.
Imagine this picture, tiled and set as the background behind the most asinine drivel you’ve ever seen. Then click on this. Warning: Cracked is not responsible for any eye or brain damage that occurs as a result.
Sent: 04:50 AM June 6th
o right. Heidi. the doctors are all asking questions. she is so brave.
Sent: 05:01 AM June 6th
Heidi’s cans look amazing when she’s sick. They look sick! Hah! “Sick” can mean “good” sometimes, you know?
Sent: 06:23 PM June 6th
Oh crap! A doctor just punched me in the mouth too! What’d I do?
Sent: 06:31 PM June 6th
To get back at the doctor, I just Spenced out all over the place, and may have slapped his nurse. That’ll show him.
Sent: 06:46 PM June 6th
Oh fuck! All the police just punched me in the mouth. It was like 30 guys, and some of them went twice.
Sent: 07:23 PM June 6th
The NBC lawyers talked the police into stop punching me. Thank you Jesus for sending me the NBC lawyers. I got your back bro.
Sent: 08:10 PM June 6th
this whole week has been BS. I am going to sue NBC! Jesus, please give me a sign that I should sue NBC?
Sent: 08:12 PM June 6th
Oh CRAZY! A bird just flew into my mouth and crapped in it!
__
This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Torture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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September 12th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Sent: 08:12 PM June 6th
Oh CRAZY! A bird just flew into my mouth and crapped in it!
Best message ever.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:00 am
I don’t know who these people are, but I now want to punch this Spencer guy in the mouth, hand him some crutches, and walk away.
August 14th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Well he ended up getting punched in the mouth by like 40 guys so alls well that ends well right?
August 12th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
who the hell is spencer pratt? i’m afraid to google him :S
July 29th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Jesus, Thankyou for sending Chris Bucholz, the god of awesomeness to earth. He makes us all *lol*. Maybe you could send us a god of good cookies next? Thankyou.
July 13th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
THANK.
YOU.
GOD.
AND.
CHRIS.
BUCHOLZ.
You made my bad day so much brighter because of this kickass article, and now I feel like punching Spencer in the face after looking at his Twitter page.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:59 am
”held … in a dark room for a day and a night with only water, rice and beans.”
oh wow
thats some pretty fucking hardcore torture right there
waterboard the pair of them
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:00 am
This person is sick AND retarded. thanks for the laughs
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:11 am
OMFG THIS is hilarious!!! 1 word: Karma!!!
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:06 pm
oh… my… god… there is nothing to say how PERFECT that is!
June 18th, 2009 at 2:33 am
man, he is a total douche. whats with all his deeply religous stuff?
June 17th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Who the fuck are they?
June 17th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
It was nice of whoever took the first picture to edit out the crosshair marks on their foreheads afterwards.
June 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
i hate them.
is that bad.?
am i a hater now.?
June 15th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I did NOT want to click that link…I’m scarred for life.
But seriously, Heidi and Spencer just need to go jump off a bridge with lead shoes…They’re retarded, both of them. I don’t know who is worse though because they are both pretty bad.
Heidi is self-absorbed and has the need to cry and make drama over everything.
Spencer is self-absorbed to the point where it’s just disgusting. He’s conceited and they both just need a downfall to happen, they aren’t even celebrities for God sakes…
They are both pathetic excuses of people
It’s harsh, but it’s just insane how people can be like that…
June 15th, 2009 at 12:00 am
Fucking classic gold. A perfect example of Karma.
June 14th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I think he enjoyed having that bird crap in his mouth. Does that make him sick?
Are you actually asking yourself the question I just typed? Go ahead, do it (Answer below!!)
Answer: Yes, dumbass, yes it does.
June 14th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
he is famous on this dating site named —-http:///a>— they gils of this site just vote for him make he becaome the “star”..here is many famous people too..some were the NBA player…and also there are many hot models..
June 14th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Wow！So nice sexy girl!I just know www-BlackWhiteLoving-comc om_ (a black and white people dating community)also has such hot girls who are seeking dating and love.I guess you will say wow to their nice figure!
June 14th, 2009 at 3:21 am
that was shite
June 13th, 2009 at 10:20 am
It says that cracked isn’t responsible for any eye or brain damage caused but how about if I was blinded by the link, ran into a wall and broke my nose. Can I sue you now?
June 12th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Why the FUCK did I click that link? WHY DID I CLICK IT!?
June 11th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
N…never again…. I’m never c…clicking on another b…b…bloody link on cracked ever again…. Th…that was terrifying….
June 11th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
wat
June 11th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Dear God! He has a blog too?! I would say Spencer Pratt is a massive douche-bag, but no woman would ever let him near their lady-parts and even if they did he would only make them less clean.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
The opening commentary was a little less than funny.. but I laughed so hard at the texts that I didn’t care
June 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Great stuff; not DOB good, but good.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
oh shit
you guys own me that 10mins back
June 10th, 2009 at 11:19 am
i never hear about him before, maybe because i’m not from us, but just loking at him make me feel sick rlly
June 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am
June 10th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Lets beam his blog towards various planets most likely to have intelligent life. Right alongside the Doritos ads. We can end all intelligent life.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Who the hell is this douche waffle?
June 10th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Hey man, those texts are a riot, if they are real. Spencer being attacked by the medics and local police? This is insane! Would have loved to have seen that one.
June 10th, 2009 at 4:47 am
The first and largest mingle site for Mature women and all men. == http://SugarMommyMatch.Com == Thousands of single members with real pictures are here waiting for you. Search for what you want, find more than you dreamed! Whether romantic or flirtation.
June 10th, 2009 at 2:20 am
Wow…I’d like to say that this guy needs to be brutally raped, but I am completely unable to conceptualize this without the grim realization that it will never ever come to pass. It fills me with sorrow to think that there is no possible way that this man could ever even fear something like that happening to him. He’s just some soulless husk in the shape of a human being and though the unbridled anger and jaded frustrations of an entire generation could be visited upon him, he would be completely unable to feel the pain.
Jesus, Spencer Pratt is the death of dreams.
June 10th, 2009 at 2:06 am
I clicked on his MouthShitter link, and somehow ended up Milley Cryrus’ Twitter.
Now my dinner is all over my screen
June 9th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
I have absolutely no idea who Spencer Pratt is. I don’t like him, though.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Oh god, I just read part of his twitter, and I actually got dizzy. I mean, I’m a Christian too, but I’m pretty sure that saying Jesus that many times breaks one of the commandments. Or all of them. Dang.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
CAUTION: This link burns eyeballs, cauterizes thought, and renders the reader sterile.
Ow. John 11:35, motherfucker.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
So I clicked on that guys twatter link and I have to ask, is he retarded? Also I am suffer massive brain hemorrhaging now.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Oh JESUS I pray to JESUS that JESUS may one day rain fire on Hollywood and all its inhabitants.
JESUS!!!!!
June 9th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
it’s too bad Elite Hunting from Hostel didn’t pick Pratt up
June 9th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
You’re joking, right? That link to his ‘twitter’ account, that’s a joke right?
Dear God please let that be a joke. No man could be that stupid and live, his brain would have to have negative I.Q. points and be soaked in vinegar to produce something that absolutely retarded and anti-dongtacular.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
agree with you completely. On MSNBC they have an article on there called “Spencer, Heidi jeopardize their fragile ‘fame’”. Basically completely trashes them in a fancy way lol. great(:
June 9th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
What the fuck is a Spencer?
June 9th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
No wonder everyone is punching him in the mouth. It’s a your fucking sign, Spencer. God wants you to shut the hell up.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
honest to god i wanted to cry after reading his twitter. FUUUUUUCK. fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. how can 3 people as retarded and detrimental to society and the arts as spencer pratt, miley cyris, and perez hilton actually come together as friends? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
June 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
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June 9th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Twitter needs to be renamed Twatter to avoid breaching the Trade Descriptions act.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Oh, man. His twitter made me want to cry blood. And I only just found out who he was by this article!
June 9th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
…. which makes Heidi unkillable.
Are they X-men?
June 9th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Jesus.
Spencer Pratt could weaponize anything. Think of it. He makes you break out into a rash on tv. He makes you go blind on twitter. Imagine what he could do with a podcast or in HD or starring in his own movie or videogame.
I think… I think that may be where the darkness is our hearts come from. Wherever that alternative place is.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Honestly, the man is such a prat.
Hahahaha you see what I did there?
June 9th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
You gave me a warning about looking at that Twitter, I realize that. I decided to take a chance and do it anyway. I just wanted to report that the vision is slowly returning to my right eye, though I may have spontaniously developed a cataract as a natural defense mechanism. My left eye is still defocused slightly and my sinuses still burn, though that may be a result of the pepper spray i used as a last ditch effort to break eye contact.
It’s like looking at a gorgon, guys. A really, really dumb, vapid, self-absorbed and utterly useless gorgon.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Holy shit. Spencer Pratt has found a way to weaponise Twitter.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
That jackass has over 300k followers on Twitter? What the hell!?
June 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
oh God, his twitter gave me an aneurism.
PRAY FOR ME.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
[...] Text Messages From Spencer Pratt While Being Tortured - [Cracked] [...]
June 9th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
At first I was like, “Who the fuck is Spencer Pratt?” Then I found out he was on The Hills, and then I realized everything was going to be aaaaalllright.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
I hope he does not reproduce. That would be awful.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
what the hell is spencer pratt? I thought you were exaggerating until I saw his twitter page.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Wtf? I’m all for fun and jokes, but this is crossing a line. I can’t believe you displayed a link to his twitter. Please, Jesus, let all Cracked.com staff die painfully. Shit would be SO cash.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@felipechoque
Thank you; I bear the award of dongtacular with shining pride.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
God dammit, Buchholz, why did you have to link to that Twitter? Why?!
June 9th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
I have had sex with your Mother. I’m not proud of it (nor involving the circus midget… but he had to hold the webcam some of the time and take the online credit card orders… some of the time). But hey… life is short and I thought to myself… hey, I’m gonna nail me WTF_world’s Mom fo sure!
June 9th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Dude….. the spencer twitter link was cruel….. I clicked on it and actually like read a few entries until I became strong enough to click “back” on my browser…. I can only relate the experience to being electrocuted and not being able to let go of what’s shocking you. It’s awful, it’s horrible, but you can’t make it stop. Sidenote, when did all this Jesus shit start with them? Has this been a consistent theme?
June 9th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Curse you Cracked, you tricked (I knew what I was doing) me into visiting a twit.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
WTF IS UP WITH ALL THE DAMN SPAM IN THE COMMENT….-sorry for all the caps letters but I think I’m still pissed from reading about a guy who got famous for…well..being a douche???…what has the world come too…=[
June 9th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
He’s a waste of groceries and such a douche (and not in the good way)! Seriously though… ANYone hear about a sex tape with this guy http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ (future Captain America!) and Aniston?!?!? Good 4 ‘dem both I say!
June 9th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Clues in his second name.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I can confirm first hand that all of Costa Rica got significantly dumber since that show began. Fuck you NBC, fuck you.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Who the fuck is Spencer Pratt?
June 9th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
This is absolutely hilarity.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I read the Twitter and now I want to punch my own face.
Thanks, Cracked. You need a stronger warning next time.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I didn’t know who Spencer Pratt was until recently when I watched ‘I’m a Celebrity,’ and I’ve got to say, I truly hate him. He’s just so fucking dumb. Kudos on the article, Bucholz.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:29 am
“Oh CRAZY! A bird just flew into my mouth and crapped in it!”
God bless America. At least we know who’s legit.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:15 am
jesus, that twitter was batshit stupid
June 9th, 2009 at 11:00 am
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June 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Holy fuck that Twitter was horrible. I laughed at Mencia’s but this…this raped my mind.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@Gabriel
In retrospect, I fully agree. I apologize to all offended parties for inferring that he has any human characteristics at all.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Dont know who this dude is and really dont care
June 9th, 2009 at 10:38 am
dillinger72, I don’t usually whine about this sort of things but saying that Spence is gay is truly offensive. To gay communities that is. Actually, considering him as a human (and not an android as DOB accurately depicted him) is truly offensive to human beings. So I do expect an apology.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:31 am
3) humorous attempt at intimidating males with effeminate
posturing and incongruous ’smack talk’
e.g. I totally Spenced Out and now everyone knows I’m a
fucking gay douche.
I support that definition, sounds dongtacularly addecuate.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Also, mccullough is right. The ‘my mouth needs crutches’ bit was great.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I thought you were joking. I thought you were going ‘Ahahaha, he’s blond, he’s dumb, he can’t spell and he loves Jesus’. I’d've been fine with that. That’s all I need to brighten my day.
And then I clicked on the Twitter link.
I’m going to cry now.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
oh yeah and
FIRST YAY OMG ID LIKE TO THANK MY MOM AND MY DAD AND EVERYBODY THIS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! etc etc
you get my point
June 9th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Oh. Good. Fuck.
I just read his twitter…
first one made me want to punch him
2nd made me want to kick him
…. i read two more after that… im going to rip his throat out and make him eat it
June 9th, 2009 at 9:54 am
please remove this link…
June 9th, 2009 at 9:46 am
I don”t Kow if sny one can reed this but when I ckcked on “this” Iwnt blindd o kesus plse help - goood ting I m a toich typost
June 9th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I don’t know who this person is, but I hate them already. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing after reading “my mouth needs crutches” and at the number of people that punched him in the mouth.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:37 am
I really wish i hadn’t clicked the twitter link. I thought these texts were humorous hyperbole, but no, they just make more sense than his actual word vomit =\
June 9th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Damn, I just looked at this guy’s twitter and I think I’m dumber for it.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am
my gf made me watch the hills once so i shit on her
June 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Definition
Spence Out (spenz’ owt’) - American Vernacular / Pop Culture
Verbal Masturbation
v.
1) to brazenly remove ones sunglasses in a dramatic attempt to
gain attention
e.g. I totally Spenced Out and now everyone thinks I’m a
fucking douche.
2) used as a disparaging term for engagement in or solicitation of
homosexual activity
e.g. I totally Spenced Out and now everyone thinks I’m a
fucking homo.
3) humorous attempt at intimidating males with effeminate
posturing and incongruous ’smack talk’
e.g. I totally Spenced Out and now everyone knows I’m a
fucking gay douche.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:18 am
You know what makes me chuckle even more at this? I too, since the first time I saw him made fun of on The Soup, (Because I’d rather put a cigarette out on my dick than watch him and his creepy flech colored beard on The Hills) want to punch Spencer in the mouth. Why is that? Oh yeah…. He’s the worlds largest douche! I heard Summers Eve was looking to him as a spokesman for douche.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I don’t know who this person is thankfully.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Daniel, you need to get out there and DOB his ass!
June 9th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Good stuff! _ http://WealthyCupid.org __where you can meet the wealthy singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs. Hook up sexy partner easier and more effective! What are you waiting for? Just Sign up and hook up the sexy beauties now!
June 9th, 2009 at 8:45 am
What the hell is this show even about? Is this guy like super into JC-on-the-T or something? LOL, I’m with DOB on this one. F*ck TV.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:37 am
One of the worst things is that Bucholz didn’t make up the phrase “Spenced out.” It’s something that dipshit-faced android actually says in earnest all the time. “Hey, Guy, stop talkin’ about my wife like that, or I’m about to Spence out on you.”
He is famous.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Nova_NIN - we tend to do the “judge ye not” thing, which doesn’t really help in this case, because of how big an example of douchebaggery is in question.
However, the “turn the other cheek” thing works pretty good, because it makes it pretty easy to ignore the jackass if we look somewhere else.
Then again, I just want to see him get punched in the cock over and over. I’m not the greatest Christian.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Trying to get ahead in life by ‘thinking’ and ‘working’ are clearly absurd notions. It warms my heart to see all of these young, erudite luminaries living a luxurious and well deserved lifestyle.
And by ‘warms my heart’ I mean it makes me want to shit vomit and cry piss in frustration.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Wow, everyday you learn something new.
Not only is this idiot as useless as alcohol-free beer, but also he’s a bible-whipping bitch.
Christians, do something about it, is this the image you want spread around? that every bible-whore out there is like this guy?
June 9th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Oh, my God.
This douche needs to get off TV pronto.
Him and his creepy flesh coloured beard.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:57 am
I think my brain just vomited while reading that idiotic drivel on his Twitter.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Oh thanks Cracked, when I went to that Twitter page my arms involuntarily ripped my jaw bone out of my skull and used it to gouge out both my eyes in one motion.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Ok I read through the first half, then went and looked at his twitter, was horrified, then came back and carried on reading. For a few seconds after I returned I thought that this article was actually what he had ‘tweeted’. That’s how dongtacular this was, and how much of a douche this guy is.
I pray to Jesus that I never come across him again. Unless in a funny Cracked article.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I barely knew who these people were before I’m A Celebrity, but I’m horrified to point out that these morons got married and she’s Heidi Pratt now. I really hope that’s the last of these losers.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I think some of my brain cells died when I went to his twitter. thanks for nothing.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:37 am
man this is guy is such a douche
i want to get inside his mouth and shit in it
June 9th, 2009 at 7:34 am
My brain needs crutches.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:29 am
“shat your chair”? are we to assume you wear no pants like the rest of us?
June 9th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I’m a techy and a gamer, and I don’t quite understand all this social networking and twitter bullshit. If i want to ’socially network’ I go to a party, and my cell is a top of the line do-everything Iphone clone but I don’t feel the need to turn it on unless I want someone to contact me.
Oh and to racing stripes: I wasn’t aware that hetero males watched E! or “Soup”. I think you meant: Metro male.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Being a hetero male over 21, I don’t watch The Hills, but I do watch the Soup, so I know a little about Spencer’s legendarily dongtacular douchebaggery. Funny article.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:50 am
YaY! Now two columists have made fun of this douche! If only he read this site, then he would get, like, y’know, so bummed out, dude!
June 9th, 2009 at 5:58 am
hilarious article. Does well to show how stuck up and full of themselves some people are. I can just imagine those policemen lining up to punch Spencer a la ‘Airplane’.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:56 am
I had no freaking clue who this prat was before this article. It saddens me who all can make it on TV now days.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:14 am
The blog is like watching a trash-can burning. It smells, it looks awfull but you can’t avert your eyes
June 9th, 2009 at 4:42 am
I was so not prepared for the horrifying stupidity that is his blog. I should have listened to the warning. I think I have brain damage.
I’m not sure if you mentioned Jesus enough. Otherwise you nailed him.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:32 am
First?