Do you love to read books but hate reading books? Amazon.com finally has the answer for you.
It’s called Kindle
and it’s described as a “wireless portable reading device,” where the screen is so realistic and glare-free, it’s almost like reading a book. You can bring Kindle with you on long train rides, to class, the library, and anywhere else you can take an actual book. At $400, the Kindle is perfect for someone desperate to live out that book-reading adventure they could only fantasize about for years.
The Kindle, which Amazon scientists have been working on for the last three years, boasts the following characteristics:
You know what else feels like real paper and doesn’t require cables or monthly bills? Fucking books.
It’s also worth mentioning that you can’t obviously directly upload books that you already own onto the Kindle; you’d have to acquire them from Amazon. So if I desperately wanted to re-read The Novelization of Judge Dredd,, I’d have to pay for it again despite the fact that a perfectly good copy exists on my bookshelf.
When I first read about this, I admit, I was a little apprehensive.
“Who is actually going to buy this stupid piece of shit for jerks?” I yelled at my computer screen. “Jerks?” I added, slyly.
“Think about it,” you may be saying as you read this blog post on your flawless e-paper during a long train ride.“Kindle combines your love of reading with your even bigger love of putting your book down so it can recharge for three hours.” Well, you’ve got me there, I hadn’t really thought about that. Also, I know that when I go on long trips, I like to start reading a new book, get disgusted by its content and move onto another book immediately. I like to do this about 200 times, so I can see why the Kindle might come in handy. Further, it’s only 10.3 ounces which is great. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve just thrown out the window because, at 15 ounces, the bastard was just so damn heavy.
Clearly, I’m not the only one who thought reading those heavy paperbacks was too exhausting because the Kindle is actually sold motherfucking out right now and won’t be in stock until the 29th. Apparently, there’s an enormous market for people who want to feel like they’re doing things they’re not actually doing but could totally be doing, (and for much cheaper), and Amazon found the shit out of it. Not to be outdone, I’m taking advantage of the wide Cracked Blog audience, (Swaim, Ian, Gladstone, Chris and Ross) to formally announce my new product, the Daniel O’Brindle:
This isn’t an imitator, of course, that would be cheap, and the O’Brindle isn’t cheap, not in any sense of the word.
Instead, the Daniel O’Brindle is designed to give the user the impression that they’re reading and typing on an actual Kindle. Often described as a “Wireless wireless portable reading device” the Daniel O’Brindle is the latest in wireless meta technology. Use this baby and after five minutes, you’ll swear you’re reading the New York Times on a real-live Kindle.
Still not convinced that you should spend $1,200 on a product that almost feels like you’re reading books on a product that almost feels like you’re reading books on a book? Here’s some helpful O’Brindle O’Brinformation to answer any and every O’Brinquiry you might have. Read up on our stats and, in the meantime, get out your fucking credit card:
We at Daniel O’Brindustries hope you enjoyed that brief O’Brintroduction. Our helpful Robot phone operators are standing by. Order today! (O’Brorder Todaniel!)
Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien
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October 7th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
TWO WORDS: INTERNET ACCESS
ok more than 2 words. this is one awesome item in ur everyday life. I can access Cracked when im usually out of the house away from the PC and read that then pay attenion to the world around m. this is an excellent piece of eletronics, even if it has a long way to go
May 20th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Well, this post is the best thing ever.
Clearly someone should sell a pointless but far more expensive imitation of this post on Amazon. In fact, I think Amazon scientists are working on it as we speak.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Sorry. I saw ‘Amazon’ and thought this was the Rosie O’Donnell blog. I guess I’ll have to look under: fat, depressed, ugly, angry, rug licking, bull-dyke. http://www.NeilsNotes.com
February 27th, 2008 at 2:46 am
I’ve actually had to purchase 3 Kindles. They’ve really made my life easier. I’m no longer beaten up every 3 hours, due to the fact that I’ve started keeping my red wagons filled with books in the garage with my teddy bears. Once they invent something to prevent me from spitting when I talk, wearing glasses that are comically hideous, and writing “Courtney LOVES Bobby” all over my books only to have Bobby see them and punch me in the face.. I’ll be on the way to total popularity. Thanks, Kindle!!
February 14th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
uk portable gps…
Garmin is one of the most trusted names in the gps industry, and owning a Garmin gps unit is a great step in the right direction with some of the best navigation technology around….
February 1st, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I bought a Kindle and have to say that I really like it. I’ve download hundreds of books for free from Project Gutenberg and bartleby.com (entire Harvard Classics bookshelf) and loaded them onto my Kindle. I have so many books on the thing I needed to get an additional storage card. In other other words, I now have an entire library of books contained in a single book (the Kindle) — it will take me years to finish reading everything. Lastly, the electronic ink is far easier on the eyes than backlit computers.
January 27th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Jeff: Work on your spelling, amateur!
January 26th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Not clever by half, nitwit. Try the following - when you are 77 years old and all book type looks like ant footprints, you might like a Kindleesque reader. When you want to read a foreign newspaper and you don’t live in Harvard Square, you might appreciate a Kindle-type reader. When you are on a business trip and you want to take the four books you have been reading, you might like to use a Kindle. In short, there are a number of good reasons why someone may use this technology. Is it a killer appliance? Not at all. Is it a replacement for the traditional book? No. But the magnifying glass or reading glasses were never considered replacements for eyeballs. The Kindle and its ilk are additions or compliments to books. I just can’t help but wonder why people with your obvious intellegence think stating clearly weak, poorly thought out opinions, are ok, simply because you turn a funny phrase on occasion. You’re not funny, smart or clever when your logic is missing. Dave Barry can do it because he is a professional - work on your game, amature.
December 16th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Just brought my Kindle to a book signing. The author refused to autograph my newest electronic wonder. Can you believe it? Finally, after I practically begged, she agreed to lick the screen. I hope she brushed her teeth.
December 12th, 2007 at 4:26 am
Perfect fodder for the upcoming Fahrenheit 451 remake.
December 7th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I was just thinking “You know, I need a reader for my books other than my laptop.” Now, I need a reader for my reader, than someone with eyes that still work properly to read that to me!
Scott
December 5th, 2007 at 9:38 am
The evil minds of sensorship (ie Christian nuts) are going to love this. And with the push of a button or swipe of a magnet an entire library is gone. I can’t wait to have my own library with the fancy reading chair and all of the shelves and a Kindle on my desk. Will the government be able to still censor things with big black lines or are they just going to have big open spaces where items were deleted? Hello Big Brother.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I could see some limited uses, but it’s too expensive. I have no problem carrying around a book with me, and I see the Kindle as a similar encumbrance. There is the benefits of instant acquisition of books, if you happen to not be around your home, or don’t feel like trekking out to a library or bookstore. And I do like the idea that staring at it isn’t LCD-bright as to give me a headache.
still, it seems to be an expensive product with very limited uses. The idea of having to buy something to reread it(and the not getting a tangible object that you can keep for decades, even if you’ve read 200 books since then) is outrageous, but not that new. You’re not expected to buy music separately for your Ipod, cellphone, and normal cd player, and many companies try to keep you from porting them from one to the other.
November 25th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Think about how much easier it will be to censor content. Soon, no one will have to go through all of those horribly dull, dusty tomes with their bad words and ideas in place. They can simply go through text files and delete what they don’t like. And, even better yet, parents will soon be able to put parental controls on their Kindles. Then, their children will never be pestered by deviant content or fantasy.
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:09 am
More like the Kin’tdle!
November 21st, 2007 at 8:44 pm
I hate those particularly long troublesome train rides when I have to carry over two hundred books with me.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Lol. The name “kindle” implies that that’s all books will be good for: starting fires. I can’t believe anyone bought this, unless it means you get some super discount on books which could eventually pay for the Kindle if you’re actually one of those strange people that reads books.
November 21st, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Holding 200 books in my hand? Pleeease! Does it get any geekier (read: Cooler)? That’s why I’m sad they don’t ship in Europe…
November 21st, 2007 at 4:53 pm
I resent the implication that I regularly read the blog.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:12 pm
And what if we want it to be even smaller? (you know, since now we can watch mp4 movies in a screen tinier than our imagination)
Well, for that purpose, i’m coming up with the iBrindels.
November 21st, 2007 at 3:29 pm
But what if I need to read 200 O’Brindles in a row, as is often my wont? You’re not going to catch me falling for that first-adopter penalty–I’m waiting for the O’Brindle-indle.
November 21st, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Christ, I hope they never replace the actual pwnage of n00bs. keep it up, daniel.
actually, don’t worry about that. I’ve got a priapism