8 (Terrible) Ideas for Shows to Replace 'Lost'
After this Sunday, there will be a giant, sprawling, confusing, beardy, plot-hole-ridden gap in the hearts of millions of Americans (as well as ABC's programming schedule). Yes, in just a few days, Lost will be ending its six-year run and the world will need a new show to inspire them/force them to incoherently type/fart pseudo-philosophy in Internet message boards. Because I am all about capitalizing on shit, and because my time is utterly worthless, I decided to mock up a few ideas for shows to replace Lost (guided by the simple principle that people like weird mysteries, Lost and absolutely nothing else), and sent them over to ABC's top executives. They were... less than pleased.
Tagline: In space, no one can hear Kate's bullshit.
Studio Notes: Why would a bomb need a timer and a fuse? (Also, no.)
Tagline: This time, it's babies.Studio Notes:It's been done.
Tagline: Their only real crime was stealing a ship... a friendship.
Studio Notes: And rape, right? You've made it clear that they're also rapists? We're going to pass on this one.
Tagline: And maybe there's a whale on the island and he talks, but not with his mouth, and he only says racist things, but they're all dolphin slurs so I think we can still get away with it. And there's a clown that shows up if a character doesn't believe in him. So what about that? And sometimes, you know, just math happens. Just straight up math.
Studio Notes: Sort of sounds too much like Fringe. (Love the concept, though.)
Tagline: Putting the "Ass" in "Passsst." It's like a history lesson you can never tell your parents about. They won't Pede-rest until the Pede-job is done!
Studio Notes: No, stop saying new taglines. We can't go with this one because it reminds us too much of our nightmares.
Tagline: Fucking dinosaurs.
Studio Notes: No, Jesus, why the hell would you pitch a show with a built in six-day time limit?
Tagline: OhMyGod, monsters, what? Holy shit, crazy island, goatees, it's different now, oh no, WeGottaGoBack.
Studio Notes: We're actually going to give this one a maybe.
Tagline:COME ON!Studio Notes: N- [And then I strangled them to death because 'Yes' doesn't start with an 'N.' -DOB]
Have your own photoshop for a Lost replacement? Email it to dan(at)cracked(dot)com and I'll post it here! Unless it blows.
The one with the whale and dolphin and clown..I would seriously watch that.... And it might be even better if you watched it on something...
Replyi luv it!
Replyf**king, dinosaurs. Those f**king guys.
Replyi had a hard time reading this f**king article. It's like the writer threw up on his laptop.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHe did. He threw up hilarity into his laptop, and over the internet, and onto my screen, and it emerged from my eyes in the form of tears. Possibility the tears of ten thousand overjoyed angels singing the praises of the writer.
I honestly had to leave work and drive several miles to my house so I could explode in a fit of laughter without causing my coworkers to believe I am more mentally unstable than they already do.
This isn't sarcasm, by the way. This is now one of my favorite articles.
I think you stole that comment. And my heart.
this article was so f**king funny DOB is a freakin haus and damn I just f**king love the end, I laughed so hard.
I would watch the hell of out Time Traveling Sex Offenders, and that is just because it's DOB, Soren and Michael. Booooooth seems pretty interesting too.
ReplyI just have one thing to say:
ReplyBooooooooooooooth.
That is all.
If "24" can make entire seasons last one day, then "Booooooth" could easily last for six seasons.
Replyor... f**king dinosaurs
I don't see the problem with the time limit, since when it runs out, f**kING DINOSAURS. It is a fine show whose only premise is "f**king dinosaurs."
I actually fukkin laughed til i cried readin this, quality taglines lol
ReplyDude, Arrested Development. The only problem I had with that show was that I don't really like Michael Cera. Also, Soren always looks awesome.
ReplyArrested Development, ftfw.
ReplyI would watch Boooooooth. That sounds f**king awesome.
ReplyAnd BTW there is a new lost: The Event. Looks really stupid.
They already had a "new Lost" on ABC: Flash Forward. Canceled already. Too bad, really. Better made and more interesting than Lost ever was.
ReplyFlash forward was actually kind of based on a book, and it started while Lost was still going.
Hold the f**k up thar! 24 took place in one day.
Reply24 took place over several years with large time lapses between seasons, each of which was 1 day.
I think that's kinda what he said...or meant at least
Also, have to ask, where is the ICP reference? Its 1 in the morning so I probably missed it.
ReplyIt's the line "f**king Magnets, how do they work?"
It's one of the questions in the poster for number 4. It's near the bottom-left.
Oh god. The poster for Time Traveling Pedophiles thing cracked me up because of the one to the right. I like most of these, and even though I hadn't seen Arrested Development, it still made me laugh.
ReplyAfter just reading a Cody article, I can safely say your a much, much better comedian about Lost than he is.
So is a bowl of hair, so that's not saying much.
Bring back Arrested Development!!!
ReplyThe Time-Travwlling Sex aoffenders are back!!! :D
Reply:D it needs to be made!
On a somewhat related note, I want to marry Maeby Fünke.
Reply"Marry Me!..." - Maeby as film exec
Unholy Christ! Swaim makes a super creepy sex offender.
ReplyIt's the stash.
Is it possible? Can there be a fanbase, as brainless as the Nostalgia Critic followers, blindly agreeing with whatever the author has said and laughing at his mediocre jokes?
ReplySeriously guys, if you can't admit LOST is actually a good show, you don't need to bash it at every given opportunity.
Also, I suddenly feel the urge to dl all Arrested Develpoment episodes now.
What? Who was bashing Lost?
Yeah, if anything, the writers of this website have made it clear again and again that they are all huge fans of "Lost". This seemed like the kind of poking-fun that only a person who watches that show would do.
Otherwise he would've just been like "Hey, 'Lost' is s**t. Here's why..."