So Someone threw their shoes at the President this weekend. Shoes. The President. I know. We wouldn’t really be a comedy site if we didn’t discuss this at least a little bit, would we?
Anyways, here’s the facts: During a press conference, an Iraqi reporter carefully removed both his shoes, stood up and proceeded to throw them, one after the other, at President Bush. The President responded, sensibly, by ducking twice. His attacker, now out of ammunition, then responded by being tackled to the floor by a team of Secret Service Agents. And aside from some glib shoe puns, that was the end of it.
Right of the bat, my first reaction was to be marginally impressed at the President’s reflexes. Bush has taken a lot of stick for being a terrible president, which is probably fair, given his generally high levels of terribleness. But did you see the speed of that duck? That was Mortal Kombat fast. I half expected to see a harpoon come flying out of his coat sleeve after the first shoe sailed past.
Second reaction: Where was the Secret Service? I gather they’ve taken some flak already about this, although mainly from pencil-necked pundits and bloggers like myself, nattering away safe in our beds. Just milling around the Internet, I’ve seen lots of sweaty outrage about “the second shoe” today. It does seem a little surprising that a guy could fire two whole shoes at the President of the United States before someone stopped him. What if they were one of those knife boots the kids are into these days? That could have done some damage.
In all fairness to the Secret Service, they have tightened security up a lot in the last forty years.
But upon further reflection, the Secret Service agents probably handled this as effectively as possible. The guy was throwing shoes - although they probably could have shot him before he got that second shoe off, what do you have then? A dead guy with no shoes on, that’s what, and then you’re asked to leave the country and never come back. Considering how widely loved Bush is in Iraq (check back this time next year for the Iraqi’s first National “Fuck Bush Day”) it’s probably a minor miracle that he’s able to go there at all and come home alive, much less with a tread mark on his skull.
Third reaction: Oh, good work Bundy. The Iraq war has kind of fallen out of the American public’s consciousness the last year or so, mainly because it just leaves everyone feeling kind of bummed I guess. So this little stunt has, on the surface, brought it back to the forefront. But in a completely trivial way. Like every other type of protest, the only thing people talk about is the protest itself, not the message being raised. There are a lot of things about the Iraq war that deserve to be treated with a certain level of seriousness (all the dead people for one.) But instead of talking about that we’ve now got newsrooms across the country racking their brains looking for shoe puns.
Fortunately this is a comedy site, where serious discussions are generally verboten, and blatant hypocriticism encouraged, so I’ll move back to the shoe/dick jokes now.
If I could offer a bit of friendly advice to the President - speaking as someone who has things thrown at him with great regularity - here’s a handy list of responses I’ve developed for many common things that may get hurled at you in the future. With the help of a specially modified batting practice machine, you’ll be able to hone your clearly already sharp reflexes further, which should be of some help in your future career, whatever it is you wind up fucking up next.
Objects thrown at you: Pillows
Example: You’ve just been asked to perform a minor chore by your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/long term same-gendered “roommate.” You playfully respond “…” They throw a pillow at you, and repeat their request, punctuating it with an impolite suggestion.
Response: Let it bounce off you harmlessly. Throwing something back would seem to be the logical response, but this is a path that quickly leads to broken lamps, televisions, granite counter tops and relationships.
Objects thrown at you: Produce
Example: You’re at the supermarket picking up a tray of vegetables and dip to bring to a social function. While in the produce aisle, one of your past spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/long term same-gendered “roommates” hurls one or more pieces of fruit or veg at you, accusing you of stealing their DVD player.
Response: Simple one. Duck. Who looks crazier, the one throwing fruit, or the one who stole a DVD player and peed in the dishwasher during the later stages of a shattered relationship? The one who did it in front of witnesses. Leave in peace and let the cops handle Ol’ Stinky Dishes.
Objects thrown at you: Dirty Looks
Example: At a social function of some sort, you’ve just pointed out to some new parents that they have an ugly baby. Now they’re throwing dirty looks at you like you hit the damned thing.
Response: Dirty Looks can’t hurt you physically, so there’s no need to deploy any avoidance maneuvers/chafe/flares in this circumstance. The only thing dirty looks can do is make you doubt yourself, so I suggest you ignore them. In this example, I’d ignore the dirty looks and blaze onwards, suggesting to the father of the aforementioned child that there’s no way he’s ugly enough to be the father of this abomination.
Objects thrown at you: Gang Signs
Example: Someone has taken slight at one of your patented hard hitting observations. You respond by forming a ‘W’ with your hands, while adding “Wu Taaaaaang!” in a high pitched voice. They respond by widening their eyes suddenly, rolling up their sleeves to reveal a plethora of crudely etched tattoos, and throwing a gang sign of their own. As someone who has made up several gang signs on the spot in your time, you recognize it immediately as one that was not made up on the spot. As if conjured by some dark magic, firearms appear in the hands of several other people nearby.
Response: Cry as hard as you possibly can. You have pissed off the wrong people, again. Your only hope now is to diffuse their anger by replacing it with disgust. Don’t expect sympathy - you won’t get it. But being smacked around like a fat blubbering baby for three hours until they get bored and leave you in a puddle of your own fluids is better than being shot I would imagine. I note with no small amount of pride that I’ve never been shot.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Bush, Iraq, Shoe. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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January 17th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
One thing– it’s *chaff*, not *chafe* (this may have been mentioned before, but I *really* don’t feel like sifting through a flame war to check)
January 15th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
This article was so funny… hilarious dude!
January 8th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
“The Iraq war has kind of fallen out of the American public’s consciousness the last year or so, mainly because it just leaves everyone feeling kind of bummed I guess.”
No..not really. It’s rather had to keep pushing the Harry Reid mantra that the “war is lost” when, you know, it’s been won.
January 6th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Pretty funny.
I’ll tell you what Bush couldn’t duck, the stench from that guy’s feet.
Seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9aVIkerIC0
January 5th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I was equally impressed with W’s reflexes and poise during that event. I have a new-found respect for him. It is the only good thing he has done while in office.
December 30th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Wu taaaaaaang!? Who the hell would come up with that while making a w with their hands? Unfountanately Chris is correct beacause my friend’s brother did it. I slapped the shit out of him .
December 28th, 2008 at 4:19 am
this article was full of win
December 27th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
i totally forgot we were in a war until i just read this…
December 26th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Benedict has good reflexes too !
http://i407.photobucket.com/albums/pp157/oblomov_bucket/pope-sandale.gif
December 25th, 2008 at 5:05 am
I am told I am a sexy american woman. Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find whatever your need. i am single now and sometime feel lonely, and want to find a hot guy. so I uploaded my hot and even se*y photos on hot hook-up club =====W e a l t h y C h a t . C O M. You can go there to check out my pics and profile first if interested.
December 24th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
George W had good practice. Ever seen Barbra Bush? She looks like the HEAT MEISER on steroids, I bet SHE could throw a mean shoe. MY mom sure could!
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:14 am
want to help someone down on thier luck?
http://www.digitalcharity.com/m.php?id=53454
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Slight difference here though Atrus. We put Saddam in power 40 years ago. The president who threw a budding mass murderer generous material support? JFK.
So, in short, the Democrats owe the country an apology for the mess they created. :p
December 22nd, 2008 at 1:51 am
Well, I don’t have time to read all the comments, but there’s a toasty little debate going on down below, primarily between CavalierX and a swarm of liberals protesting his trollish comments.
Here’s the situation as I see it:
Saddam was clearly a bad man. Incredibly cruel and violent towards his own people. Ideally these sorts of dictators would not be able to gain power but that simply isn’t the world we live in. That being the case, what should we do about it?
Should we topple governments whenever an great injustice is being committed? If so, we citizens ought to start buying war bonds because we’re going to be busy. Kim Jong Il, Robert Mugabe, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad… these names spring to mind immediately, but I’m sure there are more, and if not, more will arise. We must face the fact the we cannot police the entire world. Indeed, it appears that we cannot rebuild even one country without plunging ourselves into massive debt.
Further, there is the more nebulous threat of terrorism. The primary motive for the attacks against the United States, as I understand it, is the impression that the West seeks to enforce its values and religion on the Middle East. The true problem with our invasion of Iraq is that it plays directly into this sort of rhetoric. This is especially destructive to our goals because the entire terrorist movement is dependent upon recruitment. What could be better proof of a terrorist recruiter’s assertions than what we have done?
I would like to go on further, but its late, and hopefully what I’ve already said will give you something to chew on.
In short, we were wrong to go into Iraq for two reasons:
1) We do not possess adequate resources to rebuild the nations we tear down, or to police the entire world.
2) More importantly, our actions FUEL terrorist recruitment rather than deter it.
Thank you and good night.
December 21st, 2008 at 4:26 am
Kevin: you try protesting and fighting an evil dictator when his secret police force have just buttraped you, killed your family and beaten you to death.
Easy for people who live in democracies to lecture others for not rising up against tyrants.
December 20th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Rember when they raised sadams statue, all those people started beating it with there shoes, its one of the worst insults in iraq, throwing the shoe wasnt just “fuck you” it was more of a ” fuck you and your dad you hillbilly son of a bitch”
December 19th, 2008 at 6:21 am
@Darkmage: Damn it, I was going to point that out! Guess I’ll just have to take my pedantry somewhere else.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
He may not be the most popular president but by thunder could he dodge a shoe!
December 18th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I was impressed by the slight amused smile as the first shoe passed him. Since he had a full view of the first shoe being removed and the throw, he should have caught it. At one time he wanted to play pro baseball. Granted it could have gone boom but not likely. The bummer is all of the other journalist are going to suffer because of this protestor. Sorta like the whole country because of a couple of religious fanatics
December 18th, 2008 at 12:59 am
@CavalierX
Why was it our business to go to Iraq in the first place? In the middle of a war in Afghanistan, no less? If America hadn’t started this pointless Iraq War, we would have found Osama by now. Wonder why we’re in a recession? Because we’re pouring billions and billions of tax dollars into a pointless war in a country that didn’t even do anything to us. America’s interest should come first. That’s why the title is President of the UNITED STATES and not President of the World.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Thank you USA for ridding the world of the evil Saddam and bringing freedom to Iraq so that protestors are now able to express diverse opinions peacefully.
You saved my country from fascist invasion in WWII, and you are still on the job. If not for you, who would do it?
Sydney Australia.
December 17th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I got it.
“George!George! George of the White House, Watch out for that Shoe!”
December 17th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
@glendoor: lol_alf sees your “Squeally Dan” and raises with a “shoe-icide attack”. Cuindless goes all in.
@WorkerMonkey & StMaybe: Although I’m sure Cavalier appreciates you rushing to his defense with all the speed of Bush’s Secret Service, we’ve all moved on.
Next time you feel the need to support him you might want to consider the possiblity that the only reason he’s here annoying people is because he’s too much of a pussy to take his stunningly brilliant, under-appreciated political savvy to PWOT’s “We Saved Hitler’s Brain”.
December 17th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Three cheers for CavalierX!!!
December 17th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Good to see you here, CavalierX. Sad to see so many soros-sucking r-tards here, though. Funny is funny, and liberal = dummy.
December 17th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
After reading all the comments, I am now convinced that not only is Alabastard an elementary school student, but that he arrives there on the short bus.
December 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
From article: “they probably could have shot him before he got that second shoe off, what do you have then? A dead guy with no shoes on, that’s what”
That there is some fuzzy math.
Anyway ccording to no articles I read about this, for the first two or three days after the incident, were the secret service around for any of this. Watching the videos you can see that after the shoeassin gets off two rounds, he is tackled to the ground by Iraqi security, and then some white dudes come running out of a door behind resident Bush. Secret Service definitely appears good for fuck all on film and video.
December 17th, 2008 at 9:00 am
see my reaction the second shoe wasn’t ”man the secret service suck!’ it was ‘ man, even the secret service cant wait for this shmuck to be gone, they probably hoped it was a grenade both times hence the total lack of reaction except for a sort of ‘aaaw shit, he survived, better look concerned’ jump at the end’
I find it hilarious that their opinion on Unmighty Bush is ‘what evs, he’s out of here in like, a week, who gives a fark’
December 17th, 2008 at 7:04 am
fucking hilarious
” like you hit the damned thing.”
damn.
December 17th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Crazy Mo’s she-spawn is actually also pretty yummy yum, too. Only, she’s quite well educated, and I likes my bichaz dum.
December 17th, 2008 at 4:54 am
He is adorable. My Sis just told me she saw a guy looks like you on a celebrity and millionaire dating site called ___R i c h R o m a n c e s. C O M___@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Is that you?
December 17th, 2008 at 3:22 am
The unsuccessful shoessassin is being honored by a Libyan charity group run by Gadhafi’s she-spawn, which is reminiscent of being given a medal by Hitler’s mistress. Except Eva Braun was pretty hot.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Yeah, Bush’s approval ratings are pretty low. And he’s counting down his days for it to be all over. I guess you could say that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
[...] Shoe Attack Lesson #1: Bush Has Mortal Kombat Reflexes [...]
December 16th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
lmao
December 16th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
what was up with the Al Bundy reference?
December 16th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I just wish he had of yelled ’shoe fight’ and returned fire.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
it was a shoe-icide attack.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Bush rocks = D enjoy that comment everyone!
December 16th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Did anyone notice that bush’s immediate reaction to after ducking the shoe was a smile? I think he thought that it was hilarious that some random dude was throwing a shoe at him haha
December 16th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I think we need to stop Partisan bickering and ask ourselves:
Does this mean Bush is the real human form of Raiden?
Sub-Zero!?
SCORPION!?
December 16th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I bet Bush had “Sandy” Koufax flown to Crawford, where he and obviously violent homosexual brother Jeb are raping him as we speak.
Barbara Bush in a gimp suit.
December 16th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Reason for why Secret Service didn’t do anything?
It’s fucking Bush. Tell me this, what would YOU have done if you were the Secret Service and only had to wait until January until you were protecting Obama instead of Bush?
December 16th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
What if somebody were to throw a shoe at Gov Patterson? He wouldnt see it coming!!!!
Baa-Zing!
December 16th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
M= Man looking for an argument (Michael Palin)
A= Arguer (John Cleese)
Found this while looking for the script for the argument clinic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luVjkTEIoJc older, but well done and pretty funny.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
You had to rile ‘em up, didn’t you, Bucholz? (and well put, glendoor42)
December 16th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
[...] [...]
December 16th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
anansi girl……..
try to sound less like you get your funny-ha-has from hannah montana
December 16th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
we’re all Americans right? can’t we just get along?
December 16th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
@glendoor42
That was great, but I think you want A&C.
As for the article you are supposed to through the pillow at them, grab another pillow and beat them for one to two minutes or as long as the commercial is. In retrospect maybe that is why I am single.
December 16th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Dodging that shoe “sensibly” was probably the most sensible thing Bush has done in twelve years.
Also, having been shot, much prefer it to get beat on. And the scar looks hardcore.
December 16th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
No secret sq,
Pretty much it means this guy is going to jail for five years in club gitmo. That’s all i’m saying.
December 16th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Listen, Mr. Iraqi Reporter, I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I’m shoe-er we can come to some reasonable compromise, after all you don’t want to be a heel do you? Obviously I’ve gotten a lot of bad press with the Iraqi people, and I’m the first guy to say that if the shoe fits, wear it! Seriously, though, there are some very serious problems afoot here in Iraq, and in my last few days as president I’m a shoe-in to fix them!
December 16th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I looked the event up on YouTube, and found out that apparently, hitting someone with your shoe is the biggest insult going in the Arab world.
Which makes me think…maybe the journalist was aiming for the flag behind him…
December 16th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
CavalierX FTW!
December 16th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
What really gets me is that someone had time to take off a shoe and throw it at the President of the USA, and then they had time to go down, get another shoe and chuck that one too !
Didn’t some russian throw a defective grenade at Bush too?
Our Secret service isn’t doing a good job. How long till they need a bailout?
December 16th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Bush should of responded on the mic with a comeback like “now that he has been shoed out of the room” *que sniggers from the crowd*
December 16th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Yo, glendoor I don’t get the A & M thing..
Best I can figure it should be J & M but I dunno.
December 16th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Yeah, like when the administration wanted to renew certain provisions of the Patriot Act, so the attorney general argued that a) it is the single most important tool the government has to fight terrorism, and b) don’t worry, citizens, we don’t really use most of these provisions anyways….
December 16th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
“These same protesters believe that 9/11 was orchestrated by Zionists and Jews.”
Even funnier: they simultaneously believe that a) 9/11 was a Jewish plot and b) 9/11 was a great victory for radical Islam. It’s a wonder their heads don’t spontaneously explode from all the craziness.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Oh boo hoo they protest at Bush in the Middle East. These same protesters believe that 9/11 was orchestrated by Zionists and Jews. Somehow, I dont really think they’re the smartest people.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
HE LAUGHED!! Now say something funny…seriously, please? Let’s forget our little backnforth and get back to funny. I promise, I will not fan your flames any more. For truth.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
hey, im just seeing how far this will go. Ive got 4 people participating in this, and im excluding a lot of poop-humor! In the end, it’s between him and I, Aquemini. Just let us have our fun.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
wow. I was looking forward to laughing at all the people screaming about terrorist shoe throwers, but oh well. I guess that I’m gonna go laugh somewhere else now.
OMG!!! SHOE ATTACK!
December 16th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
@glendoor42
LOL
December 16th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
“maybe they don’t feel they are being freed since their country has been ‘at war’ since we went over there?”
Their country is at war because a certain portion of the Iraqi population continues to try and kill its own. Our invasion may have opened up a can of worms, but there was nothing inevitable about those worms. What are the insurgents in Iraq fighting for? Do they even know? They want us to leave? Fine, we’ll be leaving in a few years. Are they fighting for a constitution or something? No. They’re fighting over centuries old hatred that is so trivial that it gives a bad name to their entire people. They won’t protest and fight when a brutal dictator kills a few hundred thousand of its own people and pisses all over them, but now they protest at Bush and America. The invasion of Iraq was literally the best chance Iraq has had in centuries. I was wrong about the Iraqis I suppose: they really don’t deserve freedom because they are caught up in petty hatreds and jealousies.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven’t.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn’t.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn’t
A: I did!
M: You didn’t!
A: I’m telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I’m sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let’s get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn’t.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn’t.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn’t.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn’t.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn’t an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn’t. It’s just contradiction.
A: No it isn’t.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn’t.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn’t; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn’t just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can’t. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn’t.
M: Yes it is! It’s not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that’s not just saying ‘No it isn’t.’
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn’t!
A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn’t.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That’s it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I’m afraid it was.
M: It wasn’t.
Pause
A: I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you’ll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to argue unless you’ve paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn’t really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you’ve paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn’t.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn’t.
M: Look, I don’t want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn’t pay.
M: Aha. If I didn’t pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven’t.
M: Yes I have. If you’re arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I’ve had enough of this.
A: No you haven’t.
M: Oh Shut up.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
You have no idea how wrong you are. You wouldn’t last a second. And again, where is this alleged web address? Read ever word you’ve written on here back to yourself out loud. Think about…shit think about Law and Order if that helps. Questions are a vital part of communication. Look up the word “argument” ina dictionary. Take a basic psychology course. Especially your last statement…trying to paint me as the frustrated one. I’ve been laughing this entire time, because you keep digging deeper and deeper and deeper…YOU ARE FLAT OUT WRONG. I don’t have to “argue”, I don’t have to ask questions, so on that, I agree with you. That’s only because you have made this so easy. Arguments are not a series of statements, unless you are arguing with your mother about an increase in allowance. What you are suggesting is schoolyard tactics, nothing more. I’m not trying to convince you; you made it clear from the start you aren’t here to be convinced. Do more work sir…you have a long way to go if you want to shoot past the Cracked Forums. I don’t feel bad for you. I don’t loathe you. I don’t anything you. You are that kind of person, its strange how much information can be gathered just from what you write, and how you write it. There isn’t supposed to be tone and inflection in these things, it’s like texting somebody. If I say “Go fuck yourself”, you can’t see me smile when i say it, so you get upset. That’s what you are doing. You play the part of all seeing authority, but I have yet to see this website you claim to have. Give me the address. I’ll look at it, and maybe I’ll have some respect for what you’ve done. Seriously. Until then, you’re just a little kid who isnt ARGUING, you are simply DISAGREEING. Huge difference, buddy. What other brainbusters you got for me? Tell me something I don’t already know. OR better yet, say something funny! Please? Just one joke, just to lighten the mood. This little word trap your playing may work on the playground, but not here, not with me. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Therefore i can look at this clinically, and you are violating basic tenants that are taught in any debate class. It doesnt matter what you say, on this issue, which is straying far from the topic, you are just out of touch, out of practice, and out of your mind.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
“You’re telling me, in an argument, you just provide statement after statement, without any questions?”
Do you know what an argument even is? It’s a series of declarative statements intended to make a point. If I didn’t know the point I was making, I would ask questions. But since I know perfectly well what I’m trying to say, I make statements. Where did you learn that arguments are questions?
“How do you refute the opposition?”
With statements. If — pardon me, when — you say something wrong, I tell you what you’ve said wrong and why you’re wrong.
“You ask questions to get them to think on your terms.”
If facts and reason don’t do it for you, I’m not inclined to try and trick you into agreeing with me. It’s a free country. Be wrong if you like.
“If you are providing nothing but statements, you aren’t arguing, you’re shouting your opinions, clenching your fists, and threatening everyone with holding your breath until you get what you want.”
Funny little cartoon image, but that’s nothing like what I’m doing. In fact, it’s you who are clenching your tiny, impotent fists and getting red-faced. I’m sorry if facts make you crazy. Maybe you should adjust your opinion to fit them, rather than scream at the man who points them out to you because they conflict with your predetermined position.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
… You beat me to an article!.. Just yesterday, I was writing emails to people and game-messaging that it is official- - - Bush has better reflexes then even his Service detail. Sir, you have read my dammed mind!
December 16th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
So, let me get this straight. The reporter wouldn’t throw shoes at Saddam because Saddam would put him in a wood chipper. Therefore, he shouldn’t throw shoes at Bush because Bush wouldn’t put him in a wood chipper.
Nope, I can’t say that five times fast.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Where is that web address, sir?
December 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
It’s gonna be five years for that shoe guy in Club Gitmo.
If it were Saddam he threw them at… Oh who are we kidding. He wouldnt dare because i’m sure watching your family go feet first into a human shredding machine would have deterred him.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
UHHHH no…that is the dumbest thing you’ve said yet. You’re telling me, in an argument, you just provide statement after statement, without any questions? How do you refute the opposition? You ask questions to get them to think on your terms. That is basic debate nomenclature. I bet you have an incredibly hairy bush. If you are providing nothing but statements, you aren’t arguing, you’re shouting your opinions, clenching your fists, and threatening everyone with holding your breath until you get what you want. BASICS. These are basic tenants to debate…you just made it clear you are a “woo girl” who is just here to disagree and inflame…everything you have said thus far has been rendered hilarious, so i apologize for saying you aren’t funny. Fuckin Vagenious….
December 16th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
“Arguments require question marks”
Uhh, no; that would be questions. Arguments consist of statements.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
and what arguments have you issued? Arguments require question marks, addressing both sides, being proactive and reactive. You aren’t arguing with anyone. You are typing your little rants on here, reading them back to yourself. If you want it to be a debate, treat your “audience” with respect, or all you’re going to get is shit. Maybe you’re right, about everything. But it is clear that you won’t consider that maybe you’re wrong, maybe you’re just postulating. Please, give us all your website address so we can make it our home page. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
try doing it yourself sir. You learn the stove is hot by touching it. CHILDREN? What are you implying? Why are you even on cracked, this is a fuckin comedy sight, and nothing you have said is funny. I think you are missing the point, simply so you can be the elephant in the room. Do the work yourself, open your mind, I can’t do that for you. Wizards first rule…people will believe whatever they WANT to believe. You’ll be ok dude…i forgive you.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Alabastard, I totally agree. to many people are listening to only one side of the story. Theres always three sides. Side S, Side B, and the truth.
Cavalier, if you want the truth, talk to somebody that has done a tour or two over there. YOU do NOT know the truth, no matter how many news articles, sites, magic 8 balls you have gotten your information from. Get a life.
On another note, pissing in a dishwasher is great revenge. But if you want to step it up a notch, piss their bong.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Why would I even consider searching to see whether a comment I just wrote myself might be a cut-and-paste from somewhere else when I just wrote it? That’s just stupid. If you want to “prove” I’m copying my comments, then let’s see where you think I’m copying them from. As for your weeping and wailing that this is a comedy site and I’m not funny… well, you might want to read your own rather pathetic comments and try to find some humor. God knows I can’t. What I’d like to know is why you feel so threatened by facts and rational argument. More than that, I’d like to know why you hate Iraqis so much that you would rather they still be living under a brutal bastard like Saddam. That makes no sense to me. Did they all somehow run over your dog? Was it one by one or the entire country at once?
December 16th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Really? What, children, have I said that was a cut-and-paste from any other site (other than, once in a great while, my own)? This I’d like to see. I’m always amused how those who can’t answer my arguments strive to tell each other I’ve just copied them from somewhere else… as though that, even if I did, would magically refute them. Sorry, you’ll have to do that on your own. If you can.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
AND his credible source is Dr. Wiki Pedia.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Copy every word cavalier said, paste in a search engine. It is literally regurgitation from several news feeds. We could literally all do the same thing…i bet you’ll never find this guy at a live rally, speaking his mind to representatives, ANYTHING. He gets on sites, emboldened by his anonyminity, and assumes we are all 6th graders who won’t see what he is doing. WEAK.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
papadoc, I side with you. There’s always one, ALWAYS. They get on here and rant about how trivial the content is, how ignant the posts are, while never providing the enlightenment they claim they have over us. It’s one of those things…i clench my jaw, and want to tell the guy im going to find him and give his girlfriend a sacchrine donkey punch while he makes us drinks, but you can’t go around donkeypunching all of your problems. He probably does this on all of the sites he’s “too smart to participate in”, never seeing the irony of posting within said sites. I decided to write you because “ever get lonely out there on the fringe?” cracked me up…well played.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
The assailant meant no harm. If he wanted to do so real damage he would of worn clogs. And not the special ed, rubber Crocs version. I’m talking about windmill spinning, tulip sniffing, wooden clogs.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
read Turning Back the Clock : Hot Wars and Media Populism by Umberto Eco
December 16th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
cavalier…just couldn’t let it die, could you? Ever get lonely out there on the fringe? I love seeing people resort to name calling when backed into a corner. True character.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
“Regardless, your opinions are still based purely on US media feeds”
If that were true I’d be yelling “no blood for oil, run away from Iraq, Boosh is evil bad man!” like the rest of you morons.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
The man delivers the humour.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
*static*……*fuzzy messages*….*9-11*…..*fuzzy messages*
December 16th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
It’s left shoe THEN right shoe fo4 the skull smash. No Fatality.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
lol. cavalier man, give it up. youz outnumbered dude.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Wheres the shattered femur fatality?
December 16th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
@ cavalier
You contradict yourself with every second idea you spout. I’m not the only one here who has noted so. Regardless, your opinions are still based purely on US media feeds, so who is the truly ignorant one? Also, do you always repeat everything you heard on CNN like your own thoughts?
December 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
“still trying to say its about democracy and not oil ? haha”
I see the democracy. Show me the oil.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
This guy is right. drunko ftw!
How do you tell the difference between a pro-democracy, pro-Us Iraqi, and an insurgent…fighting in Iraq vs fighting Iraq….?
drunko Says:
December 16th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Also, if The Shrub was actually hit with a shoe, it would probably justify for many (retarded) Americans that we stay in Iraq until we kill everybody there. Better that it’s just kinda funny.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I gotta say, ducking those shoes like that is the first, only, and single greatest and most badass thing Bush has ever done. I will watch that video forever and ever.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
“The protests are taking place in Iraq.”
You mean the ones in Sadr City, right? So Moqtada el-Sadr’s boys (funded and supplied by Iran) think they see an opportunity to make the elected Iraqi government look bad by supporting the Ba’ath party stooge who insulted a visiting dignitary, and morons like you who know nothing about the situation or the people fall all over yourselves lining up to kiss their asses. That’s pretty sad. Useful idiots like you play right into their hands.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
still trying to say its about democracy and not oil ? haha
December 16th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
hundreds, huh? (And in countries that, as I said, are in deep trouble if democracy takes root in Iraq. What a coincidence!) …The protests are taking place in Iraq.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
@ cavalier
December 16th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
“funny how all of a sudden the Iraqis have the guts to protest something. They don’t protest their own citizens strapping bombs to their chests, but they protest Bush for freeing them from Saddam. Ironic”
maybe they don’t feel they are being freed since their country has been ‘at war’ since we went over there?
December 16th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Under Saddam, that guy would have been killed almost immediately. In fact, under Saddam, the reporter wouldn’t have even had a job - there was no need for reporters. Iraq is improving slowly and it’s a very delicate improvement, but it’s still moving in the right direction. I find it funny how all of a sudden the Iraqis have the guts to protest something. They don’t protest their own citizens strapping bombs to their chests, but they protest Bush for freeing them from Saddam. Ironic.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Hey, Global Citizen, just a heads up…
U.S. news outlets are reporting Iraqis protesting for the journalist to be released.
But hey, don’t let facts get in the way of your coming to a conclusion.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
“war, military action, enduring-whatever-you-want-to-call-it so you can sleep at night… you’re still in combat with a country of people who disagree. ”
You’re still missing the point: the fact that we are not at war with Iraq. We WERE, but it only lasted three weeks. If the distinction between fighting Iraq and fighting IN Iraq to help the Iraqis establish a stable government escapes you, further conversation on the subject with you would be pretty pointless. Consider that a shoe thrown in your general direction.
“Hundreds protest for second day in support of journalist…”
Wow, hundreds, huh? (And in countries that, as I said, are in deep trouble if democracy takes root in Iraq. What a coincidence!) I bet I can get hundreds of people to protest against water. Oh, wait; that’s already been done:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrogen_monoxide
December 16th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
see paleowar vs neowar.
Is it still a democracy if you have to force everyone to ahere?
either way…it would have been funnier if the shoe hit him in the face and then some sound effects were dubbed in for comedic value. you know, like a buzzer and then a slide whistle.
December 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
@ CavalierX and friends…:
war, military action, enduring-whatever-you-want-to-call-it so you can sleep at night… you’re still in combat with a country of people who disagree.
According to papers around the world (but strangely not in the US)
“Hundreds protest for second day in support of journalist…
….His act has generated a wave of support across the Arab world, and hundreds took to the streets of Baghdad, Mosul and many other towns yesterday, demanding his release. Muntadhar al-Zaidi has expressed the feelings and ambitions of the Iraqi people toward the symbol of tyranny”
Search: guardian.co.uk World news Web
December 16th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I think Bush should have thrown some pork back.
December 16th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Who pees in a dishwasher, if you want to get them good you pee in shampoo/bodywash
December 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I can’t believe people still like Bush. Reading these comments has made me completly lose faith in humanity.
December 16th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I found the shoe thing funny.
At the same time, even if you don’t like the president, dude thats the president of the UnitedStates? If you do that to the Frances president or Germany’s president, people will kick your ass in that country.
Strangely, the president is loved by people in africa, some european countries, and in (gasp) Iraq. The reporter is also lucky
(who threw shoes at saddam?)
Anywho someone should replace the guy in a ninja outfit and have him throw shurikens or the president doing a hadoken or something…
December 16th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
That reporter is an complete idiot for doing that. Regardless of how bad Bush is, Bush and their currant “government”>>>>>>>>Saddam. The retard should at least remember that.
December 16th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
“If by “great” you mean “utter, utter shit”, I agree with you”
I meant facepalmingly(TM) stupid, like an Adam Sandler movie, schtick and Slapstick, but enjoyable because yo know (or hope) it’s supposed to be bad.
but thanks for being so agreeable.
December 16th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
“Bush Has Mortal Kombat Reflexes”…yeah, really didn’t know this article was going to be about the soon-to-be-ex president.
On a side note, Bush would be Sonya Blade in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Not nearly as good as the original, but still looks pretty good in a pair of short-shorts.
December 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
“If 99% of the country loved Bush we would not still be at war.”
Honestly, get a clue. We are not at war with Iraq. The was ended in three weeks. We are fighting terrorists, insurgents and criminals who are trying to take over Iraq before they get their shit straight, funded and supported by all the countries that would find themselves in pretty deep shit if they had to explain to their people why the Iraqis can have a democracy and they can’t.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
What I keep thinking is this: Bush knows millions, perhaps billions of humans hate his guts and many of those would even kill him if given the chance. Now, if you’re THAT guy, and in your peripheral vision you see a dark object being thrown at you, don’t you pee a little? I’m sure I’d shit my pants.
@ridiculous: The Austin Powers line keeps going through my head, too.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Hey, at least Bush will have something to do during his retirement…..Can anyone say “Nike Commercial??” Think of the possibilities! Somebody copyright “Air Boomerangs” quick!!
December 16th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
So take the journalist out in public and beat him with shoes for a couple of hours. Then tattoo an American flag on his cheek and a target on his forehead before dropping him off miles and miles away in a tribal area where they don’t know him.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
The bit where he says “So what if the guy threw a shoe at me?” is pure comedy gold. It wouldn’t be out of place on Brass Eye or Day Today.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
@ Fargin_Bastage and company. If 99% of the country loved Bush we would not still be at war. Epic world issues FAIL. boombalonga is right.
December 16th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
There is a serious lack of references to Austin powers. “Honestly, Who throws a shoe?”
December 16th, 2008 at 11:57 am
surely the whole thing was planned to make Bush look good, i mean come on, anyone that’s followed this guy’s shenanigans for the last 8 years would know the only thing this guy can dodge is the draft and death by pretzel. He’s not coordinated enough to dodge a shoe TWICE. If you watch the video, it’s almost as if he *knew* the shoe was coming.
the evidence is so obvious omgggg 9/11!
December 16th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Dammit, Bush REDEEMS himself at the end…
First, he’s the innocent VICTIM and a target of an assault. It’s like no one remembers what a panty-waist winer Kennedy was, or what a lanky dweeb Lincoln was. Lincoln got shot, in a balcony, by a Derringer, at the Opera, wearing a tux and black tophat. Kennedy was cruising in a convertible stretch limo next to his hottie wife, how cool is that!?
Now look at Bush. He’s a total Badass. He stay’s composed; ducks a shot like Pacquiao, comes back up, dodges another one, and even brushes off the Secret Service who arrives to cover him.
What an exit! It totally eclipses eight years of raping the economy and trashing the Constitution. Life isn’t fair …
December 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Actually, Bush IS widely loved in Iraq. The shoe thrower represents about 1% of the Iraqis. The other 99% know that if they threw shoes at Saddam’s guest, they’d be thrown in a wood chipper. Literally.
Don’t assume your Bush Derangement Syndrome translates to everyone in the world, Bucholtz. Just to the factually ignorant.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:53 am
As a few others have already commented on, the irony of the whole thing is the only reason this reporter could get away with his little stunt is because of the man he directs his anger at. Had he tried this crap against Saddam it wouldnt have ended well for him.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:40 am
It will be a very happy day when people come to Cracked to share dick jokes rather than discussing world affairs.
@topramen, some american guy: search this site for the article called the 8 most obnoxious commenters, i’m sure you’ll find something that suits you.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:33 am
@ Ein Dose
In the Middle East, hitting someone with your shoe(s) is a huge insult. I mean, they walk around in the ghetto stepping in camel shit with those things. When they pulled down Saddam’s statue people were instantly slapping it with shoes. When they parade the burned corpse of a Black Hawk pilot through town they slap it with shoes. The guy (probably) wasn’t going for TV air-time, but was more likely just trying to diss Bush as if he was in New York and someone spit in his face.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Mostly funny. I don’t read this site for your take on the state of world affairs or for your opinions on how to deal with those affairs. It’s a good way to alienate readers. I for some reason doubt that you’re as well informed on world affairs as you need to be to have those opinions treated as anything but the mumbling of the ignorant masses.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I wonder what would have happened to that guy if he’d thrown his shoes at Saddam. Oh, right: the old “feed him into a plastic shredder feet-first while raping his wife and kids to death in front of him” routine. Sorry for freeing you from a monstrous dictator, dude. Our bad.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Also, if The Shrub was actually hit with a shoe, it would probably justify for many (retarded) Americans that we stay in Iraq until we kill everybody there. Better that it’s just kinda funny.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Yeah, he wasn’t trying to hurt him, hitting someone with the soles of your shoes is the biggest insult in Iraq. Remember that Saddam statue laying on the ground with a hundred people beating it with their sandals? They either have very stinky feet or there is dog shit everywhere in Iraq…….
December 16th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I don’t know, Redman. The first shot was on the money (made him duck). And I’m willing to postulate that the second one missed high because some tool with no sense of humor altered the path of the throw. Either that or the attacker got too excited. Still funny.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
“Aha President Bush, Now the SHOE is on the other foot!!!
Walk a mile in my SHOES Mr. President.
President Bush, I SHOES you!!!
What makes George Bush so fast? It’s gotta be the SHOES.
all great. ”
If by “great” you mean “utter, utter shit”, I agree with you
December 16th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Real brave, pulling a stunt like that on an un-popular lame duck President. He knew he’d get a slap on the wrist. Try throwing a shoe at Ahmadinejad or Mugabe or Kim Jong-Il, a REAL monster, and see what happens to you.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:52 am
shoe guys aim sucks.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:51 am
You got us all wrong, man! We’re cheering for the SHOES.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Heh. Note, the shoe throwing guy was from the news network that supported Sunni terrorists trying to bring back the Baath party. His compatriots have completely failed in turning back the democratic tide, and OUR soldiers are killing them every day. His buddies are losing, and throwing shoes was the only gesture available to him, and it was certainly pathetic he couldn’t even pull that off. That’s right, you guys are basically cheering for a guy who supports killing your countrymen.
But, like you said, this is a comedy site. Looking for political opinion here is like asking for a lecture on general relativity from Jessica Simpson.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:39 am
If I was a reporter looking to hurt President Bush with shoes, I’m not sure if I’d kick him, or just have like a vat of shoes standing by. Then it just be an endless barrage of shoe-throwing and swears issuing from my direction.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:22 am
The secret service should be commended. I wouldn’t take a shoe for that asshole, much less a bullet.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:21 am
well played bucholz, well played…
December 16th, 2008 at 10:20 am
And here I thought he could only dodge QUESTIONS!
BA-DA- CHING!
December 16th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Good article but “hypocriticism”??
Hypocrisy, surely…
December 16th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Truly great advice. I loved the “dirty looks” advice and the brilliant new usage for dish washers.
Also, if you believe in yourself, you can do anything; even block bullets with your skin.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Aha President Bush, Now the SHOE is on the other foot!!!
Walk a mile in my SHOES Mr. President.
President Bush, I SHOES you!!!
What makes George Bush so fast? It’s gotta be the SHOES.
all great.
But pale in comparisson to your article.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:37 am
In the “Dirty Looks” section, I think you meant to write “chaff,” the radar countermeasure rather than “chafe,” the painful skin condition resulting from friction and large thighs.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:32 am
WUTTANGGGGGGGGGGG!
December 16th, 2008 at 9:29 am
FINISH HIM!!!
Seriously though, I would give Bush mad props if he started off future press conferences by preemptively throwing his own shoes at any foreign looking journalists.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:26 am
it is wrong for a man have a rich woman or a woman have a wealthy man?It is an absolutely extramarital relationship. but more and more services come out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
such as___M e e t r i c h. C O M___@@@
it’s the biggest dating site for wealthy and successful people.
lol>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
December 16th, 2008 at 9:25 am
it is wrong for a man have a rich woman or a woman have a wealthy man?It is an absolutely extramarital relationship. but more and more services come out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
such as___M e e t r i c h. C O M___@@@
it’s the biggest dating site for wealthy and successful people.
lolAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
December 16th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Yeah bush was quick off the bat. Dodged those shoes and made the guy look like a failure. But it would have been hilarious if they hit him.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:19 am
You know, the last line of the article sealed the whole thing as awesome.
It is quite amazing how spritely the old bastard can be when projectiles are coming his way. We may need to rethink our strategies of public humiliation for him. . .
December 16th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Whats funny is how the Iraqis treat that guy like a saint now. He should be embarrassed that he couldn’t hit a 62 year old guy with either shoe lol.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:14 am
FUCK this is funny
December 16th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Somehow, I disagree with the fact that the shoe-thrower planned to injure Bush. He’s going to go down in history as the guy who threw two shoes at the President of the United States. That’s probably his intention, and my God, we will never forget.
December 16th, 2008 at 8:27 am
I had lots worse than shoes thrown at me in Iraq, the stupid motherfucker got off lucky. He had good reflexes though.