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The Ultimate Scientology Video Finally Reveals The Secret To Unlocking Your Thetans

Always quick to act, the Church of Scientology has officially revamped their Youtube channel, mere months after the Internet collectively made wet fart noises at them.

Their tiny number of subscribers, huge number of channel views, and disabling of comments and ratings kind of gives you an idea of where the CoS's net cred stands these days. I guess they aren't equipped to handle the kind of soul-crushing and surgically-precise criticisms the Cracked Bloggers must grapple with every day (ie, "gayyyyyyyy").

In any case, I for one will be scrupulously poring over all the videos they post, as I'm still intensely fascinated by the giant sideshow they call a religion. So far, the most interesting one I've come across (okay, redubbed) is the below vid outlining the basic precepts of the faith, and the magic powers generated therefrom.

Now at least if I fail in Hollywood, I can always blame it on ticking off the Scientologists.


When not blogging for Cracked, Michael gets retarded in here as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!

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