12-Year-Old Kid Breaks Computers, Destroys My Entire Belief System
I’ve always considered myself a fairly rational person. I was brought up in an atheist household, never received any formal religious training, and have always generally believed that unusual occurrences can be explained by science. Or I did, anyway, until I watched this video. Now I know that science can’t explain everything… and I’m completely fucking terrified.
Why does this kid break every computer that he touches despite appearing completely normal otherwise? They called in a guy with all kinds of testing equipment to check it out, a bunch of reporters from a local news outlet investigated it, and there’s still no answer?! How is this possible?! I need an explanation here. If we can have 12-year-old kids running around calling themselves “Magneto Man” and baffling the experts (of Richland, New York no less!), then it’s only a matter of time before I believe in ghosts, leprechauns and Jesus.
So that’s great. Thanks a lot, internet - now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to church. Yeah - that’s something I do now. Or wait… what do they call the Jewish version of church again? Whatever it is, that’s where I’m going. Either there or to the forest where all the leprechauns and ghosts hang out. I’m pretty sure they drink together there at night. I should go, get loaded and think about Jewish Jesus. Between the ghosts, leprechauns, Jewish Jesus and getting loaded, that would be… FOUR BIRDS WITH ONE STONE!
That has to be some sort of record, doesn’t it?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 at 12:00 pm and is filed under News, Nooners, Religion, Science, Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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June 15th, 2009 at 12:24 am
No electric people? What about the guy who can pretty much shoot electricity from his fingers and set shit on fire?
March 17th, 2008 at 4:43 am
…! Oh no, friend Computer! This boy is a Commie mutant traitor!
March 10th, 2008 at 7:24 am
We also have Iceman:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4393377&page=1
Fairly soon we’ll have the whole Marvel team ready to take over the world…
March 10th, 2008 at 5:28 am
Bah, i mess up computers and technology even over a distance.
Though i thing my mobile phone is vampire, feeding of my bioenergy.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:57 am
I work with a guy that kills wrist watches in a simila fashion. Even wind ups stop working after a week or so, but battery watches. . . dead almost on contact.
March 7th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
If a crack team of local news reporters can’t crack this case, by God, nobody can.
March 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I hope this has happened to him just recently…otherwise…who the hell doesn’t work with computers until they’re 12?
March 7th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Wow, crackedsucks has made a negative comment. Go figure.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
My sister and dad do the exact same thing. My sister was banned from her high-school’s computer lab after she managed to bring down every computer in it by walking around.
March 6th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
So…He’s figured out how to activate sticky keys? As far as I could tell, the computer was just acting as though he was holding down the shift key when he wasn’t.
Seems like the sort of thing I would have pulled at his age.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
We aren’t really an ‘American’ culture here at Cracked. We’ve spawned from across the globe, and the regular readers do influence what the writers post (as they like to try to keep us happy… at least to some extent- except Gladstone who tailors his posts to upset as many of us as he can).
Also, ‘SMART cultures’ makes me think of some kind of yogurt ad.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
where are these so-called SMART cultures? we must learn from them.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
in some cultures, this blog would be considered humorous.
in SMART cultures [I.E. not america] this is considered unfunny pointless, and forgettable.
March 6th, 2008 at 7:44 am
So basically we’re all saying that this kid’s power is the ability to harness shuffling socked feet over a rug. Pah! My power is fifty times better than that: I have the power of spontaneous musicals! Ooh, you can shoot wimpy lightning bolts out of your fingers after walking around your mom’s living room for six hours? I can make you belt out your most inane thoughts and emotions with the magnitude of Yma Sumac getting hit in the crotch with a mac truck….until you die! Or to save time, I could just sneak up behind you while you’re doing the dance number and stab you in the chest mid-pliae. How can you thunder me with a hole in your chest?
March 6th, 2008 at 4:26 am
Know who else breaks every computer they touch? Hannah Montana
Well, someone had to say it.
March 5th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Thetans? You mean like, he’s a Scientologist?
That’s much worse than being a mutant…send Anonymous after him ASAP
March 5th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I actually have a similar power. Every mouse I use, be it trackball or optical, always ends up going weird, firing off in random directions with no warning. It makes playing Ghost Recon into a real challenge for my teammates when I start having spasms and shooting off at random…
That also sounds like my love life. Thankfully, Mrs.glendoor42 is real understanding.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
That kid is adorable.
I’d cry if he came near my computer, but he is adorable otherwise.
If you guys are so deadset on killing him I guess I’m going to have to join the Brotherhood of Evil Mutant Dudes, under Magento Man’s leadership.
March 5th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I think he has thetans… just positing a theory.
March 5th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I have a similar power over lawn mowers. I can just look at one and they fucking die.
March 5th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
He’s famous, YES!!!
March 5th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Hey, this kid doesn’t have any chance against real science. He mystifies a scientists available on-call to local TV stations? Hell, a rubix cube could beat that guy. If this bugger starts threatening anything serious you’ll soon see “My powers screw up technology at close range!” vs “Our lasers actually work at quite long range”.
March 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Smilin’ Stan vs. Magneto Man! ‘Nuff said!
March 5th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
How does one kill this “Magneto Man” ? We can’t use guns, because he has special magnetic powers, plus shooting 12-year-olds will get us in hot water… What I suggest is we wait till he turns 16, and beat him with two-by-fours!
Plus, if he continues to go by that name, Marvel Comics will have has his ass before we get to him
March 5th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Okay, yes, I am a mutant. I have retard strength with out being retarded and an uncanny flexability that someone with my body type really should not have. Okay, I’ll admit, those are pretty lame powers, but dammit, we have rights to ya know!
March 5th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
What’s the big deal? I fuck up every computer I touch too.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Did click the link to that article? It’s the exact same thing as the clip, but scroll down to the Comments section.
EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS ELECTRICITY PUNS. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with those people? I want to kill myself.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Clearly, we must dispatch the sentinels to deal with this kid.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Ran Hakubi is a mutant!!
March 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Oh yeah? Well, two can play that game! *pulls out a sign and starts to chant as well* MUTANTS HAVE RIGHTS! MUTANTS HAVE RIGHTS!
March 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I say kill him. *pulls out a picket sign and starts to chant* DOWN WITH MUTANTS! DOWN WITH MUTANTS!